NYSLN eBook: Tricia Youngs "Trauma, Recovery & Living in Your Own Skin"

New York Sober Living Network | Tuesday, January 27, 2026 | 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

NYSLN eBook - Trauma, Recovery & Living in Your Own Skin

🌟 Trauma, Recovery & Living in Your Own Skin

Insights from Tricia Youngs, LMHC | Trauma Recovery Coach
📅 New York SLN Chapter
🕐 Tuesday 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST
📅 January 27, 2026

🎯 About This Session

Tricia Youngs brings 27+ years of clinical therapy experience, personal recovery (38 years sober), and trauma expertise to share the foundational connection between trauma and substance abuse. This session distills her book "Rescued: Hope for the Shattered Heart and Soul" into actionable insights on how to develop compassion for yourself, recognize trauma's role in addiction, and learn practical techniques to manage emotional overwhelm without substances.

🌍 Tricia's Background:

  • 38 years sober personally
  • 27+ years as a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC)
  • Trained with world experts: Pia Mellody, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, Francine Shapiro, Deborah Korn, Patrick Carnes, Gabor Maté, Richard Schwartz
  • Worked across all levels of care: IOPs, outpatient, community mental health, hospitals, substance abuse treatment
  • Author: "Rescued: Hope for the Shattered Heart and Soul"
  • Specialties: Trauma recovery, ADHD-trauma connection, narcissistic abuse, substance abuse, interpersonal dynamics

🔑 Core Teaching: The Root of All Addiction

"People don't abuse substances to create chaos. They abuse substances to learn how to live in the skin they've been given."

When life feels unbearable, when discomfort overwhelms, when emotions flood without pause—people reach for whatever numbs, whatever helps them escape their own body and mind. Understanding this compassionately is the first step toward recovery.

🧠 The Core Teaching: Why People Use

"Recovery is very simple, but it's not easy."

The key to lasting recovery is learning to live comfortably in your own body without escaping discomfort through substances or process addictions.

The Universal Truth About Addiction

  • Addiction is NOT about creating chaos. Active addiction creates chaos as a byproduct, but that's not the motivation.
  • The REAL motivation: Learning to live in discomfort without chemical numbing or behavioral escape
  • Substance abuse, alcohol, drugs, gambling, sexual acting out, overeating, overshopping: All are attempts to manage the fundamental challenge of living in your own body
  • The body is inescapable. We can replace almost every body part in 2026, but we cannot transplant "the vessel"—we're stuck with ourselves
  • The million-dollar question: "How do we learn to live in discomfort without taking either a chemical or acting out in ways that give us a dopamine hit?"
💡 Key Insight: Life is "lifey"—it gives us opportunities to feel good AND opportunities to feel uncomfortable. Recovery isn't about eliminating discomfort. It's about building the capacity to sit in it without numbing.

🧬 The Science Behind the Motivation

Why do people reach for substances when they feel bad? It's not weakness. It's neurobiology.

How the Brain Responds to Discomfort

1. The Amygdala (Your Brain's Alarm System): When you feel anxious, sad, angry, or uncomfortable, your amygdala activates. This is your threat-detection center. It triggers the release of cortisol and adrenaline—stress hormones that prepare you for "fight, flight, or freeze."

2. The Dopamine Reward System: When you use a substance or engage in a "high" behavior (gambling, sexual acting out, shopping), your brain releases dopamine—the motivation and pleasure chemical. This dopamine flood is 2-10 times higher than natural rewards (food, connection, exercise).

3. The Escape: Dopamine release simultaneously:

  • Shuts down the amygdala (threat detection stops)
  • Numbs emotional pain
  • Creates a moment of relief or pleasure

Result: Your brain learns: "Discomfort appears → Use substance → Discomfort disappears → Relief." This is not a choice. This is classical conditioning—the same mechanism that taught you to eat when you smell food.

Why This Matters for Recovery: When you stop using, you remove the dopamine hit, but the underlying discomfort (and amygdala activation) remains. This is why early recovery is so emotionally intense. Your brain is screaming, "Why aren't you fixing this?!" That's not a sign of failure. That's a sign your brain needs new tools to manage discomfort.

🏛️ The Three Pillars of Recovery

According to American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) criteria, long-term recovery requires more than just abstinence. It requires a comprehensive foundation:

👥

Pillar 1: Circle of Support

Community that knows you and will gently prompt you when you're off track. This protects you from yourself when emotions surge.

🙏

Pillar 2: Higher Power

A source of strength and comfort that's NOT yourself (because in euphoric recall, you'll talk yourself back into using). This can be spiritual, nature, community, or any external resource.

🛠️

Pillar 3: Practical Tools

Techniques to manage emotional overwhelm, process trauma, and live in your body without escape. These make the difference between relapse and resilience.

🏈 The Football Team Analogy

Tricia uses a sports metaphor that resonates deeply with early recovery:

"A quarterback's job in football is to lead. But the team's job is to PROTECT the quarterback from being knocked down. The quarterback surrounds themselves with people stronger than them so they can be safe."

In early recovery, YOU are the quarterback. Your job is to show up. Your team's job is to protect you from being "taken out" (from relapse). They:

  • Notice when you're "squirrely" (off)
  • Check in: "Is everything okay?"
  • Create safe space for vulnerability
  • Remind you of your worth when euphoric recall hits

⚠️ Critical insight: You don't have to TRUST people in early recovery. You just have to HANG with them. Trust develops through repeated safe connection.

⚠️ Understanding Euphoric Recall
What is euphoric recall? When discomfort rises and emotions surge, your brain does something dangerous: it glamorizes the using. You remember the "high" and forget all the consequences. You think, "Yeah, I know how to escape this discomfort." This is when relapse becomes likely.

🧠 The Neuroscience of Euphoric Recall

Why does your brain do this? It's an evolutionary survival mechanism. Your brain's job is to keep you alive and seek pleasure. When you're in discomfort (pain, sadness, anxiety), your brain searches memory for past solutions. It finds: "Using felt good. Using made the pain stop."

But here's what happens: Your brain doesn't access the FULL memory. It accesses a fragmented version:

  • What it remembers: The dopamine hit (feeling of pleasure and escape)
  • What it forgets: The hangover, the legal problems, the damaged relationships, the shame, the physical deterioration

Why the forget part? Memory isn't a perfect recording. When you're in acute emotional pain, your amygdala (threat center) hijacks the memory system. It prioritizes: "What will make this pain stop RIGHT NOW?" The limbic system (emotional brain) overrides the prefrontal cortex (rational planning brain).

The danger window: This usually hits hardest in the first 1-2 years of recovery when:

  • Emotional tolerance is lowest (you have fewer coping tools)
  • Dopamine is still rebalancing (brain is extra-sensitized to pleasure-seeking)
  • Isolation increases (no one there to interrupt the fantasy)

The antidote: Your circle of support exists to interrupt this moment. When you call someone and say, "I'm thinking about using," they remind you of the full story—the pain, the consequences, your goals. They activate your prefrontal cortex (rational brain) at the moment your amygdala (threat brain) has hijacked you.

Why Euphoric Recall is Dangerous

  • It's not a character flaw. It's your brain's memory system doing what it evolved to do—find escape paths
  • It happens to everyone in recovery, especially in the first 1-2 years when emotional waves are biggest
  • It's more powerful when you're alone. Isolation amplifies euphoric recall; community interrupts it
  • A circle of support exists precisely for this moment. When euphoric recall hits and you're about to rationalize using, your people remind you: "You're worth it. This feeling will pass. Stay."
🛠️ Practical Make-It-Stop Techniques

Tricia teaches simple, science-backed techniques to manage emotional overwhelm—the #1 trigger for relapse.

🌊 Technique 1: Cold Water on the Wrist (Vagus Nerve Activation)

When you're flooded with emotions and can't think straight:

  1. Take a cold glass of water or cold bottle
  2. Place it on your wrist (inside surface)
  3. OR place it on the back of your neck (carotid artery)
  4. Hold for 30 seconds to 1 minute

What it does: Activates the vagus nerve, the longest nerve in your body running through all organs. This vagal activation dials down emotional overwhelm at the nervous system level—you literally downshift from crisis mode to calm.

Why it works: People relapse because they're overwhelmed. This simple technique gives you space between the feeling and the urge to use.

🧠 The Science: Meet Your Vagus Nerve

What is it? The vagus nerve is a bundle of nerve fibers that runs from your brain, through your neck, chest, and down to your stomach and intestines. It's like a two-way highway of information between your brain and body.

What does it control? Your vagus nerve is part of your parasympathetic nervous system—your "rest and digest" system. When activated, it:

  • Lowers your heart rate
  • Reduces cortisol (stress hormone)
  • Calms your amygdala (threat detection center)
  • Shifts you from "fight or flight" to "rest and recovery"

How does cold water activate it? Cold sensors on your skin send a signal up the vagus nerve to your brain saying, "Cold stimulus detected." Your brainstem responds by triggering the vagal brake—a calming response. It's called the dive response (same reflex that helps mammals survive cold water immersion).

⏱️ Timeline: You feel the effect within 10-30 seconds. Heart rate drops, breathing slows, mind clears.

🏃 Technique 2: Physical Movement

Especially critical for people with ADHD (who have 50% higher addiction rates):

  • Go for a walk—fast-paced
  • Do pushups, jumping jacks, dance
  • Any physical exertion that moves emotional energy through your body

Why: Movement completes the stress cycle. It metabolizes cortisol and adrenaline, shifts nervous system state, and creates pause between impulse and action.

🧬 The Science: How Movement Heals the Brain

What happens in your body during stress? When you're overwhelmed (amygdala activated), your body floods with:

  • Cortisol: Stress hormone that prepares muscles for action
  • Adrenaline: Energizes you for fight or flight
  • Tension: Locked in muscles (jaw, shoulders, chest)

The problem: If you don't MOVE, these chemicals stay in your system. Your body remains in "go mode" even though the threat is gone. This creates chronic anxiety, insomnia, muscle pain, irritability, and urges to use.

How movement fixes this: Physical activity metabolizes cortisol and adrenaline. It literally burns off the stress chemicals. After 20-30 minutes of exercise, your body releases endorphins, serotonin, and BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor)—which helps heal brain cells damaged by stress/trauma.

Why this matters for ADHD: People with ADHD have lower dopamine baseline and reduced ability to inhibit impulses. Movement is literally medicine—it provides healthy dopamine, supports executive function, and reduces impulsivity.

⏱️ Recommended duration: 20-30 minutes of moderate-intensity movement. Even 10 minutes helps.

🤝 Technique 3: Call Your Circle

When you feel the "itch" to use or the isolation creeping in:

  1. Don't wait until you're desperate
  2. Text or call someone safe
  3. You don't need to explain everything—just "I'm struggling"
  4. Hearing another voice breaks the euphoric recall spell

Why: This is the inverse of euphoric recall—connection recall. Being with people reminds you: "I'm not alone. I'm worth staying clean for."

🔗 The Trauma-Addiction-Mental Health Triangle

The Three-Factor Root Cause

People often relapse not because they "don't have willpower" but because underlying conditions aren't treated:

  • Unresolved trauma: Flashbacks, hypervigilance, emotional flooding, dissociation
  • Untreated mental health: Mood disorders (depression, bipolar), anxiety, ADHD, thought disorders (psychosis)
  • Both together: The impulsivity of ADHD + trauma flashbacks = relapse risk
🔥 The Fire Metaphor: If someone can't maintain sobriety, it's often because "we need to put the fire out down below" (treat trauma) so they can "learn to sit in their own skin long enough" (build recovery capacity).

📊 The Data: Trauma + Addiction Connection

How common is trauma in addiction? The statistics are staggering:

  • 60-80% of people in substance abuse treatment have trauma histories
  • Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) predict addiction risk: People with 4+ ACEs are 4-5 times more likely to develop substance use disorders
  • Trauma literally changes the brain: Chronic stress shrinks the hippocampus (memory) and enlarges the amygdala (threat detection)

What are ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences)? Traumatic events in childhood including physical/emotional/sexual abuse, neglect, parental substance abuse or mental illness, family violence, incarceration, loss or divorce.

Why does trauma trigger addiction? Dysregulation, dissociation, and self-medication all drive substance use as a coping mechanism for trauma symptoms.

The critical insight: Treating substance abuse WITHOUT treating trauma is like putting a band-aid on a deep wound. The person stays "white-knuckling" sobriety until a trauma trigger hits—then they relapse.

🧠 ADHD + Trauma: A Special Neurobiology

Why is this combination so risky for addiction? ADHD and trauma create a "perfect storm" of lower dopamine, weaker impulse inhibition, hyperactive threat response, and intense emotional pain.

Condition Brain Impact Addiction Risk
ADHD Lower dopamine; weaker impulse inhibition Seeks stimulation; poor "pause" before action
Trauma Hyperactive amygdala; weak stress regulation Intense emotional pain; needs fast escape
Both Together Combined: low dopamine + hyperactive threat + poor impulse control Substances become the default—high dopamine hit + fast amygdala shutdown + no inhibition to say "no"

Key statistics:

  • People with ADHD are 2-3 times more likely to develop substance use disorders
  • When ADHD + trauma are present together, addiction rates are even higher
🔑 The Keys to Living in Your Own Skin

Three Non-Negotiables for Lasting Recovery

According to ASAM criteria and Tricia's 27 years of clinical experience

1️⃣ Build a Circle (You Don't Have to Trust, Just Hang)

Early in recovery, most people don't want connection. But:

  • You don't have to trust people initially—just show up consistently
  • Trust develops through repeated safe interaction
  • This circle notices when you're "squirrely" and checks in
  • They protect you when you can't protect yourself

2️⃣ Develop a Higher Power (Not Religion, Just Comfort)

Common objection: "I don't believe in God or religion."

Tricia's reframe: You already have a higher power. It was heroin, alcohol, or another substance/person. Now you need an upgrade—something that won't turn against you.

  • Higher power = source of strength and comfort when you're "jacked up"
  • Can be spiritual, nature, community, or practices (meditation, service)
  • The only rule: Not yourself (you'll rationalize using)
  • Purpose: Reminds you of your worth when euphoric recall tempts you

3️⃣ Learn How to Sit in Discomfort

This is THE skill that separates relapse from recovery:

  • Use vagus nerve techniques (cold water, movement) to downregulate when overwhelmed
  • Call your circle when isolation creeps in
  • Process emotions (journaling, therapy, talking) instead of numbing
  • Trust that feelings pass—they're not permanent states
  • For ADHD: Movement is not optional—physical activity processes dopamine safely
💡 Key Takeaways to Remember

What Tricia Wants You to Know

  • Addiction is a symptom, not a character flaw. People use substances to learn how to live in their own skin—that's human, that's understandable, that deserves compassion.
  • Recovery is simple (don't use) but hard (learning to feel). The emotional overwhelm in early recovery is real and manageable with tools and support.
  • You can't do this alone. This isn't weakness; it's biology. Build a circle, develop a higher power, and use practical tools.
  • Trauma must be treated. If someone keeps relapsing, underlying trauma (or untreated mental health) usually needs attention.
  • ADHD + trauma is a special case requiring physical activity as core recovery practice. Movement isn't optional; it's medicine.
  • One day at a time, one breath at a time, one cold water on the wrist at a time. Recovery is built in small moments of choosing to stay.

You're Worth the Work

If you've struggled with addiction or are supporting someone who has, remember: You are not broken. You are not your worst moment. You are a human being trying to learn how to live in the skin you've been given. That takes courage. That takes community. That takes tools. And you deserve all three.

Recovery is possible. Healing is possible. Living in your own skin with peace is possible.

Session Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2026 | 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

Host: New York Sober Living Network | Speaker: Tricia Youngs, LMHC, Trauma Recovery Coach

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧 [email protected]
🔗 Registration: https://SoberLivingNetwork.org

Building Connection. Empowering Understanding. Restoring Hope.

NYSLN Extended Event Summary: Chad Johnson's "Being Available, Showing Up, and Service in Recovery"

New York Sober Living Network | Tuesday, January 20, 2026 | 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

A Recovery Session on Presence, Purpose, and the Transformative Power of Helping Others

📋 Complete Event Documentation

Part ① Event Overview & Context

Event Details:
🔸 Title: Being Available, Showing Up, and Service in Recovery
🔸 Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2026
🔸 Time: 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST
🔸 Format: Live Zoom | Recovery Education & Discussion
🔸 Speaker: Chad Johnson, Sober Coach, Podcast Host, Recovery Advocate
🔸 Host: Dr. Ken Markowitz, NYSLN
🔸 Attendance: 40+ participants (Toronto, New York, Chicago, International)

Historic Significance:


This was NYSLN's continuation of their Tuesday lunchtime series connecting mental health professionals with individuals in recovery and their families. Chad's session focused on the practical, lived experience of maintaining recovery while serving others—a crucial bridge between early recovery (where the focus is on self) and mature recovery (where the focus expands outward).

Community Context:


New York Sober Living Network operates as part of a global peer-led recovery community:


🌍 Headquarters: Toronto, Canada
🌍 Additional Chapters: New York (established); Chicago (launched); Mumbai, India; Enugu, Nigeria
🌍 Mission: Create judgment-free spaces where individuals at every stage of sobriety can find understanding, resources, and peer connection
🌍 Format: Free weekly Zoom sessions (Tuesdays 12-1 PM EST for NYSLN) + educational eBooks + companion workbooks + recovery resources

Part ② About Chad Johnson

Professional Background:

Chad Johnson is a Certified Sober Coach and recovery advocate with 11+ years of continuous sobriety. He operates across multiple platforms and organizations, each reflecting his commitment to breaking stigma and creating recovery-ready communities.

Credentials & Platforms:


🔹 Founder and Host of "Not All There Podcast" (peer-led recovery conversations)
🔹 Host of "Sober with Chad" (coaching and mentorship platform)
🔹 Founder of The Art of Recovery Foundation (advocating for addiction awareness and recovery)
🔹 Initiator and Host of SLN Chicago Chapter (building recovery community in the Midwest)
🔹 Certified Sober Coach (providing one-on-one and group coaching)
🔹 Professional recovery speaker and educator

Personal Journey:

Chad's credibility comes from lived experience, not theory:

💫 21 years of active addiction (alcohol and drugs) characterized by isolation and self-destruction
💫 Survivor of severe childhood abuse and multiple traumas (grew up in rural Oregon with an abusive father)
💫 Got sober and began recovery work, eventually achieving genuine sobriety around year 2-3
💫 Years 1-5: Marathon runner (literally running from his trauma); trained intensely, ran marathons, used running as a substitute for substance abuse
💫 Year 5: Body completely gave out; forced to stop running and face the accumulated trauma that surfaced
💫 Years 5-9: Prolonged nervous breakdown; had to face everything—all trauma, all shame, all pain; this period involved intensive therapy, peer support, and genuine emotional processing
💫 Year 9: Breakthrough in self-acceptance; realized he couldn't change the past, but he could accept who he was and build from there
💫 Years 9-11: Evolution into genuine recovery; began liking himself, becoming present for family, developing service work, helping others
💫 Present (11+ years sober): Married, father of two teenage sons (ages 13 and 15), actively coaching others, hosting podcasts, building community, still in therapy, still doing daily recovery practices

Why Chad's Approach Matters:

Chad bridges two critical worlds:

🌟 Traditional Recovery Models: He understands AA, NA, clinical therapy, evidence-based treatment, and the value of structure and community in recovery

🌟 Real-Life Complexity: He doesn't pretend recovery is linear or that you ever stop being a "recovering" person.

He still has struggles with his wiring, his intensity, his trauma responses. He's still doing the work after 11 years.

His unique value: He models what mature, sustainable recovery actually looks like—not perfect, but grounded, connected, purposeful, and committed to helping others find the same.

Part ③ Core Themes & Educational Content

Theme ① "Self-Acceptance is the Foundation" (Not Perfection)

The Problem:


Most people in recovery spend the first years in internal conflict. They've accepted intellectually that they're an alcoholic or addict, but they haven't accepted emotionally. Part of them is still fighting against reality, still believing they should be different, should be stronger, should have never gotten here.

This internal war is exhausting. It consumes mental and emotional energy that could be used for actual healing and growth.

Chad's Journey:


For years, Chad was sober but at war with himself. He was doing the external work (meetings, therapy, running marathons) but internally rejecting himself for what he was. Around year 9, something shifted.

"This is me. This is who I am. There's nothing I can do that's gonna change that. I can't fix it. I can't do anything to change the past. But I can accept it."

This moment—when acceptance shifted from intellectual to emotional—changed everything.

Why This Matters:


When you stop fighting against yourself, when you stop trying to be someone different, a huge relief emerges. No more arguing with reality. No more shame spirals. No more performing.

Chad describes it: "There was a huge relief in that. Like, oh, okay, this is me. I don't have to go around trying to figure out who I am. I don't have to listen to my own bullshit or bullshit others. This is the person that I am."

Workbook Integration:


For future workbook development, this theme would include:


📖 Daily acceptance practices (acknowledging reality without judgment)
📖 Journaling prompts around self-acceptance
📖 Distinguishing between "I can't change the past" and "I can change my response to it"
📖 Tracking the relief that comes from stopping the internal war

Theme ② "From Acceptance to Genuine Self-Esteem" (The Scaling Method)

The Problem:


Acceptance alone isn't enough. You can accept yourself and still hate yourself. You can accept that you're a recovering alcoholic and still feel worthless.

The next step is learning to genuinely like yourself. But most recovery programs leave you to figure this out on your own.

Chad's Solution:


Chad discovered what he calls the "scaling method"—starting ridiculously small and building from there.

"I decided that maybe it was time to start liking myself for who I was. And let's start with, like, an hour, okay? I can do that, and let's start with a day, and then a couple of days, and pretty soon, I was able to string together several months of liking myself, and my entire perspective on things changed."

This isn't positive thinking or affirmations. It's a neuroplasticity practice. By consistently choosing to like himself for small increments of time, Chad rewired his brain's relationship to himself.

The Cascade Effect:


When Chad began genuinely liking himself:

🌟 He became a better parent (more present, less reactive)
🌟 He became a better husband (more emotionally available)
🌟 He became a better friend (authentic instead of performing)
🌟 He stopped caring what people thought (freedom)
🌟 He became genuinely present for others

Why This Matters:


Self-esteem built on genuine self-acceptance is sustainable because it's not fragile. It's not based on external validation or achievements. It's based on knowing yourself and choosing to show up anyway.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Daily self-esteem building exercises (start with "I did one thing well today")
📖 Scaling practices (an hour of liking yourself, then a day, then a week)
📖 Tracking cascade effects (as your self-esteem improves, what changes in your relationships?)
📖 Practical exercises in meeting yourself with compassion

Theme ③ "Community is Non-Negotiable" (The Different Layers)

The Truth:


"You can't live a life of active recovery on your own. Doing it in shadows, secretly, without letting people know, defeats the entire purpose."

Why:


Chad's addiction was an "addiction of isolation." For 21 years, he couldn't face the world or himself. He needed to numb himself every day because the pain of existing was unbearable.

Recovery demands the opposite: radical connection, visibility, vulnerability, and community.

What Community Actually Provides:


When you're surrounded by people who understand you, who've lived similar experiences:

💚 The loneliness goes away (you're no longer isolated with your pain)
💚 You have hope (you see others making it work)
💚 You're seen for who you truly are (validation and acceptance)
💚 You realize you're not broken or alone
💚 You get perspective when problems feel enormous
💚 You get support when you're struggling
💚 You remember your "why" when you're losing motivation

The Different Layers:


Chad emphasizes that community exists at multiple levels:

🔵 Recovery-Specific Community: AA meetings, NA meetings, recovery groups, sponsorship relationships. People who speak the language and understand the struggle.

🔵 Like-Minded Community: Men's groups, peer coaching circles, recovery-focused gatherings. People doing similar work, often outside of 12-step structure.

🔵 Professional Community: Therapists, coaches, mentors. People trained to help you process and heal.

🔵 Broader Community: Family, friends, colleagues. People who care about you and support your recovery, even if they haven't experienced addiction.

🔵 Service Community: People you help and coach. This creates a feedback loop where giving strengthens your own recovery.

Why Multiple Layers Matter:


People who've lived through similar experiences offer irreplaceable camaraderie. You're seen, validated, understood.

But people with no frame of reference to addiction offer something equally valuable: they remind you how far you've come and reinforce your commitment never to return. They help you integrate back into mainstream society and prove to yourself that you can function and be present outside the recovery bubble.

Chad's Communities Include:


🔹 AA meetings and his AA crew
🔹 A men's group he started at his house
🔹 Recovery podcasts and online networks
🔹 Multiple therapists over the years
🔹 Family and friends who support his recovery
🔹 Mentees and coaching clients he serves

Workbook Integration:


📖 Mapping your community (identifying which layers you have and which you need)
📖 Community-building exercises (how to start a group, how to join one)
📖 Vulnerability practices (sharing with people in each layer)
📖 Tracking the impact of community on your recovery trajectory

Theme ④ "The Three Stages of Recovery" (Critical Distinctions)

The Language Problem:


Most people use "abstinence," "sobriety," and "recovery" interchangeably. This is a profound mistake because it conflates three very different states of being.

Abstinence: Just Stopping

Definition: Not using a substance or addictive behavior.

What It Includes:
🔹 Not drinking or using drugs
🔹 Not gambling, binge eating, compulsive sex, working obsessively
🔹 Physically not engaging in the behavior

What It Doesn't Include:
🔹 Internal transformation
🔹 Healing from trauma
🔹 Building healthy relationships
🔹 Developing self-worth
🔹 Creating meaning and purpose
🔹 Any emotional or spiritual component

The Reality: You can be abstinent and still be:
🔹 Angry and resentful
🔹 Depressed and hopeless
🔹 Isolated and lonely
🔹 White-knuckling through each day
🔹 Ready to relapse at any moment
🔹 Miserable

Sobriety: Sustained Abstinence + Awareness

Definition: Not using AND understanding why you don't use, while actively working on yourself.

What It Includes:
🔹 Not using substances
🔹 Understanding your patterns and triggers
🔹 Attending meetings or therapy
🔹 Working on yourself (journaling, meditation, etc.)
🔹 Being honest about your struggles
🔹 Showing up, even when it's hard
🔹 Having structure and accountability

What It Might Still Be Missing:
🔹 Deep healing from trauma
🔹 Full integration of lessons into daily life
🔹 Authentic connection with others
🔹 Genuine purpose and meaning
🔹 Joy and peace

The Reality: You can be sober and still be:
🔹 Going through the motions
🔹 Isolated and lonely
🔹 Avoiding the real deep work
🔹 White-knuckling through life
🔹 One failed support system away from relapse
🔹 Functional but not fulfilled

Recovery: The Full Transformation

Definition: Living a full, authentic life in alignment with your values, having healed from the wounds that drove your addiction.

What It Includes:
🔹 Abstinence from substances and harmful behaviors (obviously)
🔹 Genuine self-acceptance and self-esteem
🔹 Deep work on trauma and underlying issues (nervous breakdowns, if necessary)
🔹 Authentic relationships and genuine community
🔹 Purpose, meaning, and contribution to others
🔹 Helping others (service)
🔹 Joy, peace, and spiritual alignment
🔹 Living your values
🔹 Being genuinely present for yourself and others
🔹 Still growing and evolving

What It Looks Like:
🔹 You genuinely like yourself (flaws and all)
🔹 You're present with your family and friends (not just physically there)
🔹 You help people without expecting anything in return
🔹 You handle hard days without using
🔹 You sleep well knowing you lived well
🔹 You contribute to your community
🔹 You build others up
🔹 You remember your "why" every single day
🔹 You're still doing the work (therapy, practices, community)
🔹 You're still humble and learning

The Critical Insight:


Not everyone makes the journey from abstinence to sobriety to recovery. Many get stuck in sobriety—not using, but not truly living. They're stable but not transformed. And when one pillar of support fails (lost their sponsor, can't make meetings, lost their job, relationship ends), they relapse.

Recovery, true recovery, is more resilient because it's built on internal transformation, not external structure.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Self-assessment tool (which stage are you in?)
📖 Pathway to the next stage (what does it take to move from abstinence to sobriety, sobriety to recovery?)
📖 Identifying areas of your life where you're abstinent/sober/recovering
📖 Building resilience by moving toward recovery

Theme ⑤ "The Daily Ritual That Keeps You Grounded" (Neuroplasticity in Action)

The Practice:


Chad has a non-negotiable daily ritual. Every single morning, almost 12 years into sobriety, he does the same thing:

"I wake up each day, and I have to remind myself: Hey, Chad, you're a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Don't fuck it up today."

It sounds harsh. It sounds negative. But it's neither.

Why This Works:


This is a neuroplasticity practice. By repeatedly activating the same intention every morning, Chad is:

① Bringing himself into the present moment. His mind isn't in yesterday's regrets or tomorrow's anxieties. He's here, now, making a choice.

② Activating his "why." It's not just "I'm sober," it's "I have something I'm protecting." Kids. Wife. Work. Community. Purpose.

③ Preventing relapse amnesia. Research shows that over time, people forget why they got sober. They start thinking "Maybe I wasn't that bad." Or "Maybe I can handle just one drink." By reminding himself every morning of what he is, Chad immunizes himself.

④ Reserving willpower for everything else. The biggest decision of the day is made first thing: "I'm not using today." This frees mental energy for parenting, working, helping others.

⑤ Accepting reality without fighting it. He's not saying "Pray I don't relapse." He's saying "This is who I am. And today I'm choosing not to act on it."

The Acceptance Built In:


What's beautiful about this ritual is that it's not based on shame or self-punishment. It's based on complete acceptance.

Chad is saying: "I'm deeply traumatized. I'm wired in ways that make recovery work necessary. I'm still that wounded kid from Oregon. None of that has changed. And I'm choosing, every day, to show up anyway."

This is maturity. This is humility. This is the difference between someone who's been sober 12 years and someone who's just managed not to drink for 12 years.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Creating your own daily ritual (what reminder keeps you grounded?)
📖 Neuroplasticity practices (understanding how repetition rewires your brain)
📖 Morning intention-setting exercises
📖 Tracking the effects of daily rituals over weeks and months

Theme ⑥ "Listening as a Revolutionary Act" (The Prerequisite for Service)

The Insight:


"One of the most important things you can do for someone is just be available to listen to what they have to say. You may not even need to share anything with them. Just listening to them is enough for them to get the help that they need."

Why This Is Revolutionary:


In a world of:
🔹 Constant distraction (everyone's on their phone)
🔹 Performative advice-giving ("Here's what you should do")
🔹 Problem-solving without understanding ("Why don't you just...")
🔹 Judgment and criticism ("That was stupid")

Genuine listening has become genuinely radical. People are starved for it.

The Prerequisite:


But Chad knows something crucial: you can't listen to others if you're not listening to yourself.

"If I'm stuck in my own head, dealing with my own crap, I'm not available to do that."

This is why the daily ritual matters so much. By taking time each morning to ground yourself, you clear the mental clutter that would otherwise prevent genuine presence.

It's the airplane oxygen mask principle: put your own mask on first.

What Genuine Listening Looks Like:


🔹 Putting your phone away (actual presence)
🔹 Making eye contact (showing you're engaged)
🔹 Letting them finish without interrupting
🔹 Asking follow-up questions (showing you care)
🔹 Not trying to fix them (letting them own their experience)
🔹 Not sharing your story unless they ask (keeping the focus on them)
🔹 Simply witnessing and reflecting back what you hear
🔹 Following up the next day

What It Creates:


🔹 Safety ("It's safe for me to be vulnerable with this person")
🔹 Trust ("This person genuinely cares")
🔹 Feeling seen ("Someone understands me")
🔹 Validation ("My experience matters")
🔹 Reduced isolation ("I'm not alone")
🔹 Hope ("If someone can listen like this, maybe I can get help")

Workbook Integration:


📖 Active listening exercises
📖 Reflective listening practices
📖 Distinguishing between listening and advising
📖 Tracking the impact of genuine listening on your relationships

Theme ⑦ "The Power of Small Gestures" (Compound Effect of Kindness)

The Hierarchy of Service:


Service doesn't exist at one level. It exists on a spectrum:

Level ① Minor Gestures


🔹 Smile at someone on the street
🔹 Say hello
🔹 Hold a door
🔹 Make eye contact
🔹 Give a compliment

Level ② Personal Connection


🔹 Listen without judgment
🔹 Ask meaningful questions
🔹 Remember details
🔹 Follow up
🔹 Show genuine care

Level ③ Direct Support


🔹 Help someone solve a problem
🔹 Provide emotional support
🔹 Volunteer expertise
🔹 Spend time with someone
🔹 Be physically present

Level ④ Major Intervention


🔹 Help someone get to treatment
🔹 Mentor someone in recovery
🔹 Give significant time/resources
🔹 Change someone's trajectory
🔹 Potentially save someone's life

The Key Insight:


You don't need to be at Level ④ to matter. Even Level ① gestures compound into massive impact when you think about how many people's days you're touching.

The Personal Story: Making Your Bed


During the session, participant Leo Petrilli shared: "Making my bed, every morning."

This is a perfect example. Making your bed isn't a gesture to someone else. It's a gesture to yourself. But it's exactly the kind of small, consistent action that builds momentum.

When you make your bed:


✓ You start your day with an accomplishment
✓ You create order in your environment
✓ You're being responsible to yourself
✓ You're practicing self-care
✓ You're building self-esteem
✓ Before you even leave your room, you've done one good thing

The Gratitude Practice


Participant Barb Lang noted: "I think there is a lot of meaning in those smaller gratitudes. It doesn't always have to be the big stuff."

This is crucial for recovery. In early recovery, you're not ready for grand service. But you ARE ready for:
🔹 Making your bed
🔹 Brushing your teeth
🔹 Taking a shower
🔹 Going for a walk
🔹 Saying thank you
🔹 Smiling at someone

These small acts:
① Build momentum
② Create self-esteem
③ Prove to yourself you're capable
④ Set up a foundation for bigger actions

The Scaling Principle:


Chad's approach to self-esteem and service is built on scaling:

Day 1: I brushed my teeth and made my bed
Day 2: I brushed my teeth, made my bed, and went for a walk
Day 3: I brushed my teeth, made my bed, went for a walk, and said hello to my neighbor
Week 2: I've done all of the above plus I volunteered 2 hours
Month 1: I've built a routine, volunteered regularly, and helped someone through a crisis

The power? Each small win stacks on top of the previous ones. Before you know it, you're living a life of meaning and service.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Small gesture log (tracking Level ① and Level ② acts daily)
📖 Gratitude practice (noticing small things to be grateful for)
📖 Scaling exercises (how to build momentum from one small action to the next)
📖 Tracking the compound effect over weeks and months

Theme ⑧ "Vulnerability: The Strength Everyone Overlooks" (Gateway to Service)

The Core Question:


During the session, Carby asked: "Is 'Vulnerability' a factor in lasting Recovery? And is this another way to put it, the working mechanism in respect to 'Giving Back' or 'Service'?"

Chad's answer was unambiguous: "Yes."

And participant Leo Petrilli captured the emotional truth: "Tears are power."

What Vulnerability Actually Means:


Vulnerability isn't weakness. In recovery, vulnerability means:

🔓 Being willing to tell the truth
🔓 Admitting you don't have it all figured out
🔓 Sharing your struggles, not just your successes
🔓 Asking for help
🔓 Being emotionally present
🔓 Letting others see the real you

Vulnerability = Strength in Recovery:


Chad models this throughout his life:
🔹 He shares his crazy stories about his addiction
🔹 He talks about his trauma
🔹 He admits when he's struggling
🔹 He participates in therapy
🔹 He shares his failures alongside his successes
🔹 He asks for help from his wife, friends, and community

Why This Matters:


When people see you being vulnerable and still showing up, it gives them permission to do the same. Vulnerability creates connection. Connection creates recovery.

In a culture that often teaches—especially men—to hide emotions, recovery requires the opposite. When you can:
🔹 Cry
🔹 Express emotion
🔹 Show fear
🔹 Admit confusion
🔹 Ask for help

You're demonstrating the strength it takes to live an authentic life.

Vulnerability in Service:


When you serve others from a place of vulnerability, the service transforms:

💚 It's not superior or patronizing (you're not better than them)
💚 It's peer-to-peer, person-to-person
💚 It says: "I've been where you are. Here's how I'm moving forward"
💚 It gives them hope that change is possible
💚 It allows them to see the real you, not a performance
💚 It creates connection, not dependency

Workbook Integration:


📖 Vulnerability practices (safe places to practice being vulnerable)
📖 Distinguishing between appropriate and inappropriate vulnerability
📖 Tracking how vulnerability deepens your relationships
📖 Practicing service from a place of vulnerability

Part ④ Practical Frameworks & Tools

The Daily Scaling Method for Self-Esteem

Chad's most practical contribution is his daily scaling method for building self-esteem:

Start Ridiculously Small


The first goals in recovery aren't "Get a job" or "Rebuild your marriage." They're:
🔹 Tie your shoes
🔹 Brush your teeth
🔹 Get dressed
🔹 Do laundry
🔹 Fold the laundry
🔹 Go for a walk

Why? Each action is evidence that you're not lazy, not broken, not incapable. You're capable of doing one thing. And then another. And then another.

Document Your Wins


Chad's approach:
"I can look back, like, oh, well, you know what? I walked my dog today. And I picked up the dog poop. I was an active person in public today. I was out in society, and I was doing something. I was being polite and responsible. And that's something that you can build on for the day."

The practice:
🔹 Keep track of what you accomplished
🔹 Celebrate small wins
🔹 Notice your presence and activity in the world
🔹 Build a positive narrative about yourself

Connect Positive Actions to Positive Feelings


Chad shares: "There's also, you know, I spoke to another person about their recovery a day, and that made me feel good. So that's something that I like feeling, so I'm gonna do that again."

The pattern:
① Do a positive action
② Notice how it feels
③ Identify the positive feeling
④ Repeat the action to experience the feeling again
⑤ Build a routine around actions that feel good

Meet People Where They Are


As a coach, Chad emphasizes that recovery isn't one-size-fits-all:

Early Recovery (First 30 Days):


🔹 Focus: Not using, showing up to meetings, basic self-care
🔹 Goal: Survive and stay connected

First Year:


🔹 Focus: Building routine, processing trauma, developing self-esteem
🔹 Goal: Get stable and start healing

Year 2-5:


🔹 Focus: Deep trauma work, relationship repair, building life
🔹 Goal: Create a sustainable recovery lifestyle

Year 5+:


🔹 Focus: Mastery, giving back, evolving spiritually
🔹 Goal: Live with purpose and serve others

Use Journaling and Expression


Chad uses journaling extensively:
"I've got notebooks everywhere. I'll be flipping through work ideas, and then I'm like, oh god, here's 5 pages of whatever I was going through that day. So I'll go back and read it. That's another nice way to reflect back on what you were feeling, what you were writing."

The benefits:
🔹 Gets thoughts out of your head
🔹 Allows reflection and pattern recognition
🔹 Provides evidence of growth over time
🔹 Engages a different part of your brain
🔹 Creates accountability

Relatable Connection (Especially with Kids)


Chad's example with his 13-year-old son:
"I just try to encourage him with little things, or say 'Oh, that's cool, good job.' Like, not being critical. Unless it needs to be, right? And meeting him, accepting him. Okay, today was just whatever. He doesn't like school. Alright, well, let's not make a big deal about it, okay? Let's find something positive that we can talk about or relatable."

This applies to self-esteem:
🔹 Find one thing you did well
🔹 Don't be overly critical
🔹 Find something positive to focus on
🔹 Meet yourself with acceptance and encouragement

Part ⑤ The Roadmap to Service

Option ① Existing Organizations

Local Services:


🔹 Food banks and soup kitchens
🔹 Donation and charity centers
🔹 Community centers
🔹 Religious organizations
🔹 Non-profits

Recovery-Specific:


🔹 12-step meetings (sponsorship, literature table, setup/cleanup)
🔹 Recovery houses
🔹 Treatment centers
🔹 Recovery coaching organizations
🔹 Peer support groups

Getting Started:


🔹 Search your area for volunteer opportunities
🔹 Call and ask: "I'm in recovery and looking to give back. How can I help?"
🔹 Start small—even 2 hours per month makes a difference

Option ② Community Projects

Community-Based Service:


🔹 Food drives (sorting cans, organizing donations)
🔹 Park cleanups
🔹 Beach cleanups
🔹 Community gardens
🔹 School volunteering
🔹 Youth sports coaching

Getting Started:


🔹 Go to events happening in your community
🔹 Volunteer with your kids (teaches them about service)
🔹 Notice what issues matter to you and find organizations working on them

Option ③ Start Your Own

Chad's Story:


"When I got sober, my kids were very young. I needed to be present for bedtime and my wife. So I started my own group meeting at my house. It's pretty easy to do, because there are a lot of like-minded people out there."

Ideas for Starting Your Own:


🔹 AA/NA home meeting
🔹 Book club focused on recovery
🔹 Men's or women's group
🔹 Peer support circle
🔹 Online community
🔹 Mentorship circle
🔹 Service project group

The Power of Starting Small:


🔹 Invite a few people over
🔹 Create a safe, welcoming space
🔹 Be consistent
🔹 Let it grow organically
🔹 Lead by example

Option ④ Direct Asking

Chad's Most Powerful Suggestion:


"If you just go around and ask, 'Hey, I am looking to be of service to other people. Is there anything that you guys need help with that I might be able to help you with?' And it'll stop people dead in their tracks. They'll think, and you'll get an answer. Either they can help you, where they work can help you, or they know someone that needs help and they can get you pointed in that direction."

Why This Works:


🔹 Most people are waiting for someone to ask
🔹 Your genuine desire to help is rare and valued
🔹 It opens doors you didn't know existed
🔹 It often leads to unexpected connections and opportunities

The Benefit of Service (No Matter Which Path)

No matter which path you choose, service does something that nothing else can:

🌟 Reinforces your sobriety (reminds you why you got sober)
🌟 Builds self-esteem (you're doing good)
🌟 Connects you to others
🌟 Creates meaning and purpose
🌟 Breaks the cycle of self-centeredness
🌟 Helps you sleep better knowing you helped someone
🌟 Keeps you humble and grounded
🌟 Models recovery for others

In a very real sense, service is the antidote to addiction. Addiction is about taking, using, consuming. Recovery is about giving, serving, contributing.

Part ⑥ Q&A Highlights & Community Engagement

Q① Clarifying Sobriety, Abstinence, and Recovery


Carby's Question: "Can you help me clarify the difference between Sobriety/Abstinence and Recovery?"

Chad's Response: Chad distinguished between the three stages clearly, emphasizing that not everyone moves through all three. Many people remain in sobriety indefinitely—not using, but not truly living. Recovery is the full transformation where you're genuinely liking yourself, present with others, and serving your community.

💡 Key Insight: Understanding these distinctions changes how you approach your recovery and helps you identify where you might be stuck.

Q② Vulnerability as the Mechanism of Lasting Change


Carby's Question: "Is 'Vulnerability' a factor in lasting Recovery? And is this another way to put it, the working mechanism in respect to 'Giving Back' or 'Service'?"

Chad's Response: Chad affirmed that vulnerability is absolutely central to lasting recovery and to the mechanism of service. When you serve from a place of genuine vulnerability, it creates peer-to-peer connection rather than a hierarchy of "helper" and "helped."

Leo Petrilli's Contribution: "Tears are power."

💡 Key Insight: Vulnerability is strength. When you allow yourself to feel, to admit struggle, to ask for help, you unlock the capacity for genuine connection and authentic service.

Q③ How to Practice Vulnerability


Carby's Follow-up: "Follow up to that question.. How can I 'practice' Vulnerability"

Chad's Response: While not fully elaborated in the transcript, Chad's overall approach suggests starting small—sharing something real with one trusted person, being honest about struggles, asking for help, expressing emotion.

💡 Key Insight: Vulnerability can be practiced incrementally, just like self-esteem. You don't need to share everything with everyone. Start with safe people in safe spaces.

Q④ Getting Started with Service


Carby's Question: "If I want to pursue the path of Service.. how do I get started?"

Chad's Response: Chad provided four concrete pathways (existing organizations, community projects, starting your own, direct asking), emphasizing that the best path is the one you actually take. Meeting people where they are is key—in early recovery, even volunteering 2 hours per month is meaningful.

💡 Key Insight: Service doesn't require perfection or grand gestures. It requires consistency and genuine desire to help.

Q⑤ Addressing Negative Influences


Carby's Question: "In respect to my previous life/habits, and especially my circle of (negative) influence (ie. 'friends', coworkers).. Do you recommend to distance myself to keep out of range of trouble or triggering environments?"

Follow-up Question: "When will i know it is the 'right' time to 'test the waters' and re-enter those environments and reconnect with those 'friends'..."

Chad's Response: (While not fully captured, Chad's approach suggests waiting until your recovery is solid enough to handle triggers, being strategic about re-entry, and maintaining boundaries with people/places that actively undermine your sobriety.)

💡 Key Insight: Recovery doesn't mean permanent isolation, but it does require strategic boundary management in early stages. Re-entry happens when your recovery is resilient, not when you think you're "fixed."

Q⑥ The Role of Spirituality and Belief


Carby's Question: "And in addition to community / service.. does my beliefs influence my recovery? For example, does God (religion aside) play a role?"

Chad's Response: (While not fully captured in transcript, Chad's overall approach suggests non-dogmatic spirituality. Whether you call it God, the universe, purpose, or community, having something larger than yourself to orient toward helps recovery significantly.)

💡 Key Insight: Spirituality matters, but it doesn't require a specific theology. What matters is having meaning and purpose beyond your own ego.

Q⑦ Community Recognition of Small Victories


Participant Leo Petrilli: "Making my bed, every morning."

Participant Barb Lang: "I think there is a lot of meaning in those smaller gratitudes, it doesn't always have to be the big stuff."

Ken Markowitz Response: "I agree! It's the small things that we often take for granted and should always be grateful for."

💡 Key Insight: The community affirmed that small actions, done consistently, are the foundation of recovery. Making your bed daily is as valid and important as major service work.

Q⑧ Session Closing


Participant Damien Reilly: "I have to jump. Thanks everyone! Thanks Chad! Thanks Ken!"


Multiple Participants: "Thanks so much Chad, and Ken!" and "Thanks all"

Part ⑦ Integration & Next Steps

For Participants:

① If you attended the live session:


🔸 Download the full eBook for deeper learning
🔸 Implement the daily ritual (your own version of "Don't fuck it up today")
🔸 Practice one Level ① gesture daily (smile, hello, thank you)
🔸 Identify which layers of community you have and which you need
🔸 Choose one service pathway to explore this month
🔸 Start journaling (small wins, feelings, reflections)

② If you're new to this work:


🔸 Read through the eBook first to understand the framework
🔸 Start with the daily ritual (adapt it to your own belief system)
🔸 Begin with Tool #1: Making your bed and doing basic self-care
🔸 Document your small wins
🔸 Build from there

③ If you want to deepen the practice:


🔸 Consider one-on-one coaching with Chad or another trained coach
🔸 Join a recovery community (AA, SMART, Lymbic, etc.)
🔸 Combine this work with therapy or counseling
🔸 Start a home group or meet-up in your area
🔸 Join NYSLN Tuesday sessions weekly (free, judgment-free community)

For Mental Health Professionals:

The NYSLN platform is a vital resource for:
🔹 Connecting with clients in recovery
🔹 Understanding peer-led support models
🔹 Referring clients to free community resources
🔹 Learning about cutting-edge recovery practices
🔹 Building collaborative relationships with recovery communities

Part ⑧ The Bigger Picture

Why This Matters Now

Recovery work has traditionally focused on "stopping the behavior" (abstinence) and cognitive processing (therapy). This helps millions. But many people still feel stuck, still struggle with meaning and purpose, still can't regulate their nervous systems without substances.

Chad's work—and NYSLN's platform—represents a paradigm shift: Healing requires meeting the person where they are across all dimensions simultaneously.

This means:
💫 Traditional therapy (still essential)
💫 Plus 12-Step or peer programs (still valuable)
💫 Plus practical self-esteem building (small gestures, daily rituals)
💫 Plus community across multiple layers (recovery-specific and broader)
💫 Plus service and meaning-making (gives purpose to recovery)

The Result:

People don't just stop using substances—they reclaim their lives. They:
🌟 Develop genuine self-acceptance and self-esteem
🌟 Build authentic community across multiple layers
🌟 Discover meaning and purpose through service
🌟 Regulate their nervous systems (can be present without numbing)
🌟 Sleep well knowing they lived well
🌟 Know they're not alone
🌟 Have hope that change is possible

Part ⑨ Accessibility & Inclusivity

NYSLN's commitment to accessibility:

Financial:


💰 Free weekly Zoom sessions (Tuesdays 12-1 PM EST)
💰 Free eBooks and educational materials
💰 Free community access
💰 Sliding scale for direct coaching

Accessibility for Different Backgrounds:


🌈 No religious requirement
🌈 Non-dogmatic spirituality
🌈 No special preparation needed
🌈 Judgment-free (cameras on or off—your choice)
🌈 Welcomes skeptics and believers alike

For Healthcare Providers:


🏥 Mental health professionals welcome
🏥 NYSLN serves as a vital platform to connect with the community you serve
🏥 Integration with clinical recovery models (not replacement)

Part ⑩ Contact & Resources

Speaker:


Chad Johnson, Sober Coach & Recovery Advocate


🔗 Website: https://www.soberchad.com/
🔗 Email: (available through website)
🔗 Podcasts: "Not All There" & "Sober with Chad"
🔗 Services: Coaching (sliding scale), Speaking, Advocacy
🔗 Location: Chicago, IL (distance sessions available globally)

New York Sober Living Network:


🔗 Website: https://soberlivingnetwork.org
🔗 Linktr: https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
🔗 Email: [email protected]
🔗 Weekly: Tuesday 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

Related Resources:


🔗 Art of Recovery Foundation: https://www.artofrecoveryfoundation.org/
🔗 Lymbic: https://www.lymbic.org/
🔗 Not All There Podcast: https://notalltherepod.com/

Crisis Resources:


🆘 National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – Free, confidential, 24/7
🆘 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
🆘 AA: https://www.aa.org/
🆘 SMART Recovery: https://www.smartrecovery.org/
🆘 Local mental health clinic or doctor

Part ⑪ The Larger Vision

What Chad's Work Represents

Chad Johnson isn't unique in being sober for 11+ years. But he's exceptional in how openly he shares his journey—not just the victories, but the nervous breakdown in year 5, the ongoing struggles with his trauma wiring, the daily commitment he still makes.

He's not selling a fantasy of "fixed recovery." He's modeling realistic, sustainable recovery: work, commitment, community, service, and genuine presence.

The Paradigm Shift

From "How do I stop using?" to "How do I build a life worth living?"

From "One day at a time" (survival mode) to "One day at a time with purpose" (thriving mode)

From "I need help" (vulnerability as need) to "I can help others" (vulnerability as strength)

Part ⑫ Final Words

Chad's Message to the Community:

(While not directly quoted, Chad's consistent message throughout is:)

"Show up. Be available. Start small. Be honest about who you are. Connect with people. Help others. That's the path. Not the only path. But a path that works."

Ken Markowitz's Framing:

"Recovery isn't about perfection. It's about showing up, staying connected, and living with gratitude one day at a time."

✨ Conclusion

The January 20, 2026 NYSLN session with Chad Johnson was a masterclass in practical recovery wisdom. Participants left with:

✨ Understanding: Why service is the mechanism of lasting recovery
✨ Frameworks: The three stages of recovery and how to move between them
✨ Practices: Daily rituals, scaling methods, small gesture frameworks
✨ Community: Connection to NYSLN and the broader SLN network
✨ Hope: Proof that transformation is possible, one day at a time
✨ Purpose: Clear pathways to meaningful service

By the end of the session, it was clear: recovery isn't something you achieve and then stop working on. It's a way of living—present, connected, purposeful, and dedicated to helping others find their own way.

Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

New York Sober Living Network


🔗 https://soberlivingnetwork.org
📧 [email protected]
👥 https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

Sober Living Network – Global Community


🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧 Connect through website
🔗 Registration: https://SoberLivingNetwork.org

Event Documentation Date: January 20, 2026


Materials Created: eBook (Full Educational Resource) + Event Summary (Quick Overview) + Extended Event Summary (Comprehensive Documentation)


Access: All materials available free to NYSLN community members and registered participants

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧 [email protected]
👥 Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network


TSLN eBook: Alexandra Canzonieri "EMDR for Adults with ADHD: Untangling Trauma from Neurodivergence"

Toronto Sober Living Network | Friday, January 23, 2026 | 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM EST

EMDR for Adults with ADHD: A Recovery Guide

✨ EMDR for Adults with ADHD

A Recovery-Focused Guide to Understanding Trauma, ADHD, and Your Path Forward

Toronto Sober Living Network | January 2026

🌟 Welcome to Your Recovery Journey

If you're reading this, you've likely noticed something important: the way you think, feel, and react doesn't always match what others seem to experience. Maybe you struggle with focus. Maybe emotions hit harder than they "should." Maybe you've tried everything, and nothing seems to stick.

You're not broken. And you're definitely not alone.

This guide is designed specifically for people in recovery—people rebuilding their lives and learning to live without substances or compulsive behaviors. If you have ADHD and have experienced trauma, this is especially for you. The combination is more common than you might think, and understanding the connection between these two experiences can be genuinely life-changing.

💡 Why This Matters for Recovery

Many people in recovery believe they should be "past" feeling overwhelmed by now. But if trauma or ADHD has never been addressed, your nervous system is still in survival mode. Learning to recognize this—and knowing it's not a personal failure—is the first step to real healing.

What You'll Learn Here

  • How ADHD and trauma are connected (and why that matters)
  • Why you reach for substances when emotions get too big
  • Practical tools you can use right now to calm your nervous system
  • What EMDR is and how it can help you process trauma
  • Real, actionable reflection questions to deepen your self-understanding

This isn't a clinical textbook. It's a conversation between you and someone who understands what recovery looks like. Let's start where you actually are.

🎯 The Core Truth: Why You Reach for Escape

Let me start with something important: You didn't start using substances because you're weak or broken. You started using because your nervous system was overwhelmed, and substances offered relief.

That's not a character flaw. That's neurobiology. And understanding this changes everything.

Think of your nervous system like a car's thermostat. When your body gets too hot, the thermostat kicks in and cools things down. When it's too cold, the heater turns on. The thermostat isn't trying to ruin your day—it's trying to keep the car functioning.

In people with trauma or ADHD, the thermostat is overly sensitive. Minor temperature changes trigger big responses. And substances? They're like adjusting that temperature manually—they feel like they fix the problem in the moment, even though they're creating bigger problems down the road.

The Fundamental Challenge of Recovery

Here's what most people don't talk about in early recovery: living in your own body feels uncomfortable. Not just emotionally—physically. Your system is hyperactive, scanning for threats, creating waves of anxiety or numbness or rage that seem to come from nowhere.

Substances numbed that discomfort. They created a chemical escape from the experience of being stuck in your own nervous system.

When you stop using, that discomfort doesn't disappear. It's still there. And your brain remembers: "Last time this happened, I had a solution. Where is it?"

🤔 Pause and Reflect

What does discomfort feel like in your body right now? Notice where you feel it. Is it tightness in your chest? Restlessness in your legs? Racing thoughts? Emptiness? There's no "right" answer—this is just information about how your particular nervous system communicates.

Recovery Isn't About Eliminating Discomfort

Here's the radical shift that changes recovery outcomes: Recovery isn't about never feeling discomfort again. It's about learning to sit with discomfort without escaping it.

That sounds simple. It's actually one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But it's also the path to real freedom.

🧠 Understanding ADHD: It's Not What You Think

What ADHD Actually Is

ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, but that name is misleading. Most people think ADHD means you can't focus. Actually, it's more nuanced than that.

ADHD is a difference in how your brain regulates dopamine—the chemical that controls motivation, focus, and pleasure. People with ADHD don't have less dopamine. They have less access to it and need more of it to feel "normal."

Imagine your brain has a volume dial for dopamine. In people without ADHD, the dial is set at 5 and feels comfortable. In people with ADHD, the dial is set at 2. Everything feels understimulated—boring, flat, impossible to engage with.

So people with ADHD unconsciously seek stimulation: risky behaviors, intense experiences, high emotions, substances. Anything that turns the volume up. This isn't a choice or a character issue. It's your brain trying to reach a comfortable baseline.

Key ADHD Experiences (That Feel Normal to You)

  • Hyperfocus: You can spend 6 hours on something that interests you and lose track of time completely. Meanwhile, a 15-minute task feels impossible. It's not about willpower—it's about dopamine.
  • Time Blindness: You don't intuitively feel time passing. You think you've been working for 30 minutes, and it's been 3 hours. Or 5 minutes feels like 30. This isn't laziness—it's a neurological difference in how your brain tracks duration.
  • Emotional Intensity: When you feel something, you feel it intensely. Joy is euphoria. Disappointment is devastation. Anger is rage. Your emotional volume dial is also turned up.
  • Executive Function Difficulty: Starting tasks is hard. Finishing them is hard. Organizing is hard. Planning is hard. It's not laziness—these are executive functions that live in the prefrontal cortex, which works differently in ADHD brains.
💡 Important Reframe

ADHD isn't a deficit. It's a difference. Some of ADHD's traits are challenging (like time blindness in a structured world). But other traits are strengths: creativity, spontaneity, quick thinking, ability to hyperfocus on what matters to you. In recovery, learning to work WITH your brain instead of against it changes everything.

💔 Understanding Trauma: The Body Remembers

Trauma Isn't What Happened. It's How Your Nervous System Responded

This is crucial to understand: Two people can experience the same event, and only one develops trauma. Why? Because trauma isn't defined by the event itself. It's defined by whether your nervous system felt overwhelmed beyond its capacity to cope.

Think of your nervous system like a circuit breaker. When too much electricity flows through, the breaker trips to protect the system. The same thing happens with trauma: when emotional or physical threat exceeds what your system can process, something "trips." The memory gets stuck in a particular way—frozen in time, without the context or perspective that might make it feel resolved.

After the breaker trips, your system stays hypervigilant. It's always checking: "Is that threat coming back?" Even in safe moments, your body is scanning for danger.

Three Forms of Trauma

Single-Incident Trauma: A one-time event that overwhelmed your system (car accident, assault, sudden loss, medical crisis).

Chronic Trauma: Ongoing threatening situations over extended time (sustained abuse, chronic illness, war, living in an unsafe environment). Your nervous system never gets a chance to reset.

Developmental/Relational Trauma: Early life experiences where your emotional or physical needs weren't met, or where relationships felt unsafe. This shapes how you relate to yourself and others throughout life.

What Happens in a Traumatized Nervous System

During a traumatic experience, something interesting happens in your brain. Your amygdala (the threat-detection center) becomes hyperactive, screaming "DANGER!" at maximum volume. Meanwhile, your prefrontal cortex (the rational thinking part) goes offline. This is adaptive—if a tiger is chasing you, you don't need to think about philosophy. You need to run.

But when trauma is unprocessed, this state becomes chronic. Your amygdala stays loud. Your thinking brain stays quiet. This means:

  • You're reactive instead of responsive
  • You interpret neutral situations as threats
  • Emotions feel disproportionate to circumstances
  • It's hard to access insight or problem-solve
  • You feel unsafe in your own body
🤔 Notice Your Pattern

When you're triggered (upset, scared, angry), does your thinking brain come online or go offline? Can you access reason and perspective? Or do you react from emotion and instinct? Most people with unprocessed trauma notice they react first, think later. That's not a character flaw—it's your amygdala doing its job. But it's keeping you stuck.

🔗 When ADHD and Trauma Collide

Why This Combination Is So Challenging

If you have both ADHD and trauma, you're dealing with a double hit:

  • ADHD: Your baseline dopamine is low, so you unconsciously seek stimulation and have trouble with emotional regulation
  • Trauma: Your threat-detection system is hyperactive, so you're hypervigilant and reactive

Together? Your nervous system is like a smoke detector connected to a car horn. Every tiny bit of smoke triggers an ear-splitting alarm. And you can't turn it off.

Symptom Confusion: Why Diagnosis Gets Missed

What You Experience Could Be ADHD Could Be Trauma Likely Both
Racing mind / Can't focus ✓ Executive difficulty ✓ Hypervigilance Double whammy
Intense emotions ✓ Emotion dysregulation ✓ Triggered reactivity Overwhelming
Restlessness / Fidgeting ✓ Need for movement ✓ Nervous system activation Can't sit still
Checking out / Zoning out ✓ Dissociation ✓ Dissociation Escape mechanism
Shame after conflict ✓ RSD (Rejection Sensitivity) ✓ Shame response Devastating

See the problem? The symptoms overlap so much that you might have been diagnosed with ADHD when the real issue was trauma, or vice versa. Or you have both and nobody connected the dots.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): The ADHD-Trauma Connection

RSD is an intense emotional pain in response to perceived or actual rejection, criticism, or failure. For people with ADHD, criticism doesn't land like "oh, that's feedback." It lands like "I am fundamentally unworthy and everyone knows it."

If you also have trauma, especially relational trauma or childhood rejection, RSD becomes even more intense. Your trauma history has taught your nervous system that rejection is dangerous. Your ADHD sensitivity amplifies that fear into something unbearable.

📖 What RSD Looks Like

Someone gives you constructive feedback: "Hey, I noticed you did X differently than we usually do. Can we talk about that?"

Without trauma/ADHD: "Okay, feedback received. I'll adjust."

With ADHD: "Oh my god, I did something wrong. They think I'm incompetent. Everyone thinks I'm incompetent."

With ADHD + trauma: "Oh my god, I did something wrong. I'm fundamentally broken. They're going to leave me. I deserve to be punished. I should disappear."

It's not that you're being dramatic. Your nervous system is processing a piece of feedback as if it's a threat to your survival. That's what trauma-sensitized brains do.

⚖️ Your Window of Tolerance: When You Can Function

The Zone Where Your Brain Works Best

Your Window of Tolerance is the range of nervous system activation where you can think, feel, and function optimally. It's not about never feeling upset—it's about the range where you can still access your thinking brain.

Imagine a Goldilocks zone for your nervous system. Too cold (hypoarousal) and you're numb, dissociated, depressed. Too hot (hyperarousal) and you're panicked, angry, racing. But right in the middle? That's where you can think, problem-solve, connect with others, and access your wisdom.

Inside Your Window (Optimal State)

  • Your thinking brain is online
  • You can access perspective and nuance
  • Emotions are present but manageable
  • You can connect with others authentically
  • Problem-solving is possible

Above Your Window (Hyperarousal / "Too Hot")

  • Anxiety, panic, or rage takes over
  • Your body feels like it's in danger even when it's safe
  • Thoughts race or get stuck in loops
  • You might snap at people or say things you regret
  • Everything feels urgent and threatening

Below Your Window (Hypoarousal / "Too Cold")

  • You feel numb or disconnected from your body
  • Motivation disappears (even things you care about feel pointless)
  • You might sleep excessively or feel unable to move
  • Emotions feel far away, unreachable
  • This can feel like depression
⚠️ Critical Insight for Recovery

When you're outside your window, willpower doesn't work. You can't reason your way back in. You can't just "use your coping skills." Your thinking brain is offline. The solution is to calm your nervous system first, then access your tools.

Your Window With ADHD and Trauma

If you have both ADHD and unprocessed trauma, your window is typically narrower than average. This means:

  • Small stressors trigger big responses
  • You activate more quickly and intensely
  • It takes longer to come back down
  • You might feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster
🤔 Map Your Window

When do you feel most like yourself? What's happening in your life, body, and environment? That's information about your window. Now think: What pushes you above it? What triggers panic or rage? What pulls you below it? What makes you numb or disconnected? There's no "right" answer. You're just learning to recognize your own patterns.

✨ What Is EMDR and How Can It Help?

EMDR: A Different Kind of Therapy

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It's an evidence-based therapy designed specifically for trauma.

Here's what makes it different: You don't have to talk about the trauma in detail. You don't have to relive it or describe every horrible moment. Instead, you access the memory, and a trained therapist helps your brain reprocess it using bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tapping, or sounds that go back and forth).

Think of trauma like a file in your brain that got corrupted. The file contains the sensory experience, the emotions, the physical sensations, and the meaning you made of it. Because it was overwhelming, the file never got properly filed and integrated with everything else you know. So it stays active, popping up unexpectedly, triggering your nervous system as if the threat is happening right now.

EMDR helps your brain's natural processing system (which works great for normal experiences) tackle these stuck files. The bilateral stimulation seems to activate something in how your brain processes information, allowing it to finally integrate the memory as something that happened—not something that's happening.

How EMDR Works (Simplified)

1. Preparation: Your therapist helps you feel safe. You learn grounding techniques and ways to calm your nervous system. This matters because you need to feel stable enough to touch the trauma.

2. Target: You and your therapist identify a specific memory or feeling to work with. You don't dive into the whole trauma story. You focus on one thread.

3. Activation: You bring the memory to mind while your therapist guides bilateral stimulation (usually eye movements or tapping). You're not trying to "fix" anything. You're just noticing what comes up—thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, images.

4. Processing: Something shifts. The memory loses its emotional charge. You gain new perspective. The meaning changes. This isn't you forcing change. It's your brain doing what it naturally does once the "stuck" quality releases.

5. Integration: The memory becomes integrated into your larger life story. It's something that happened—painful maybe, but no longer active and threatening.

💡 Why EMDR Matters for ADHD + Trauma

When trauma gets processed through EMDR, something profound happens: your nervous system calms down. Your window of tolerance widens. And when that happens, you can finally access all those ADHD strategies and tools that seemed impossible before. You're not trying harder. Your nervous system is just less reactive, so your thinking brain can actually work.

What EMDR Is NOT

  • It's not hypnosis (you're completely aware the whole time)
  • It's not "just talking about your problems"
  • It's not about forgetting what happened
  • It's not a magic cure (but it's powerful when combined with other recovery work)

🛠️ Practical Tools: Calming Your Nervous System Right Now

EMDR is powerful, but you don't have to wait for therapy to start helping your nervous system. Here are science-backed tools you can use today when you feel overwhelmed.

Tool 1: The Cold Water Technique (Vagal Activation)

When to use it: When you're flooded with emotion and can't think straight. When anxiety or rage is taking over.

How to do it:

  1. Get cold water—a glass, a bottle, ice water from the tap
  2. Place it on your wrist (inside, where the veins are close to the surface)
  3. OR hold an ice cube
  4. OR splash cold water on the back of your neck
  5. Hold for 30 seconds to 1 minute

What it does: Your body has a nerve called the vagus nerve that runs from your brain through your whole system. Cold activates this nerve in a specific way—it tells your nervous system "hey, we need to calm down." Within 10-30 seconds, your heart rate drops, your breathing slows, and your mind clears.

Imagine your nervous system has a reset button, and cold water is the remote control. It's not about willpower or thinking your way calm. It's about using your body's own biology to shift your state.
💪 Try It Now

Seriously. Get a glass of cold water right now. Notice how you feel. Then splash it on your wrist while thinking about something slightly stressful. See what happens. Most people feel the shift immediately.

Tool 2: Movement (Completing the Stress Cycle)

When to use it: When you feel restless, anxious, or like your emotions are stuck. When your body feels like it's in overdrive.

How to do it:

  • Walk briskly (fast-paced, not leisurely)
  • Dance to music you love
  • Do jumping jacks, pushups, or any physical exertion
  • Run in place
  • Shake your whole body vigorously

Duration: 10-20 minutes is ideal, but even 5 minutes helps.

What it does: When you're stressed or anxious, your body floods with stress chemicals (cortisol and adrenaline). These were meant to fuel physical action—fighting, fleeing, protecting yourself. But in modern life, we don't move. The chemicals stay in your system, keeping you activated. Movement metabolizes these chemicals. It literally burns them off.

Think of stress chemicals like water filling a cup. If you sit still, the cup keeps filling. If you move, you're pouring water out of the cup. Eventually, the cup empties and you feel calm.

Special note for ADHD: People with ADHD often need MORE movement than average. Your dopamine system needs it. Movement isn't a luxury for you—it's medicine. It's not "exercise." It's emotional regulation and neurological support.

Tool 3: Call Your People (Connection)

When to use it: When you feel the urge to use. When isolation is creeping in. When you're starting to believe you're broken or alone.

How to do it:

  • Text or call someone you trust (doesn't have to be a therapist)
  • You don't need a big explanation: "I'm struggling" is enough
  • Just hearing another voice breaks the spell
  • If you can't find anyone, call a crisis line (988 in the US)

What it does: When you're alone and overwhelmed, your mind fills the silence with stories. "I'll never get better. Everyone else is fine except me. Using would solve this." Connection interrupts that narrative. A real person reminding you "you matter" and "this will pass" activates your thinking brain. It reminds your nervous system that you're not actually in danger.

🤔 Build Your List Now

Make a list of 5 people you can text or call when things get hard. Don't wait until you're in crisis. Write down their names and numbers. Make it easy for yourself. Who are people that make you feel less alone?

Tool 4: Grounding (Bringing Yourself Present)

When to use it: When you're dissociated, having flashbacks, or your mind is trapped in worst-case scenarios.

The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique:

  1. 5 things you can see: Look around. Name 5 specific things you notice. "I see a blue wall. I see a lamp. I see my hands."
  2. 4 things you can touch: Notice physical sensations. "I feel my feet on the floor. I feel my shirt on my skin. I feel the cold chair."
  3. 3 things you can hear: Listen. "I hear a car outside. I hear the air conditioner. I hear my own breathing."
  4. 2 things you can smell: Notice scents. (If you can't identify 2, that's okay. Just do your best.)
  5. 1 thing you can taste: Notice what's in your mouth. Gum, coffee flavor, nothing—whatever is there.

What it does: When you're triggered or dissociated, your mind is in the past (flashback) or future (catastrophizing). Grounding brings you into the present moment, into your five senses. Your nervous system can only recognize danger in the present. Once you're clearly present and safe, your amygdala can relax.

💭 Deeper Reflection: Questions for Your Journey

Recovery isn't just about using tools. It's about deepening your understanding of yourself. Take time with these questions. Write about them. Share them with a therapist or trusted person.

Understanding Your Triggers

1. When do you most want to use, check out, or escape? Is it when you're bored? When someone criticizes you? When you're alone? When you're overwhelmed? Most people have a pattern. What's yours?

2. What emotions come right before the urge? Shame? Anxiety? Emptiness? Anger? Your emotions are information. They're your nervous system communicating. What is it trying to tell you?

3. Where do you feel unsafe in your body? Is there a part of you that holds tension, numbness, or dread? Trauma lives in the body. That's not weakness. It's just information about where healing needs to happen.

Understanding Your Capacity

4. What helps you feel grounded and present? What makes you feel like yourself? Movement? Creativity? Nature? Connection? Time alone? Everyone is different. What's your thing?

5. When is your window biggest (most capacity)? Morning? After exercise? After certain conversations? Knowing when you're most resourced helps you schedule difficult conversations or decisions for when you're strongest.

6. What consistently pushes you out of your window? Certain people? Certain situations? Lack of sleep? Skipping meals? Again, this is just information. You're learning your own system.

Understanding Your Worth

7. What do you believe about yourself when you're in crisis? "I'm broken." "I'll never get better." "Everyone would be better off without me." Write down your worst thought. Now ask: Is this thought mine, or is it my traumatized nervous system talking? They're different.

8. Who reminds you that you're worth fighting for? Whose belief in you helps you believe in yourself? Even if it's just one person. That matters.

9. What small thing could you do today that shows yourself compassion? Not a grand gesture. Something real. Taking a walk. Drinking water. Calling someone. Resting without guilt. What would self-compassion look like?

🌱 Your Path Forward

Recovery Is Not Linear

You'll have days where you feel strong, clear, and hopeful. You'll have days where you feel like you're back at the beginning. Both are part of recovery. Progress isn't a straight line. It's a spiral—you revisit old feelings, but from a slightly different perspective each time.

What Helps Long-Term

  • Professional support: If you can access a therapist trained in trauma (especially EMDR), do it. This isn't something you have to figure out alone.
  • Community: People in recovery who understand. Spaces where you don't have to explain yourself. Where others get it.
  • Movement and body care: Your body stores trauma. Moving, stretching, and caring for your physical self helps process it.
  • Accountability and honesty: Especially in early recovery, having people who know what you're going through and will be honest with you matters.
  • Self-compassion: This one is hardest. Learning to treat yourself like you would treat a friend who's struggling. Not judgment. Not shame. Just kindness.
💡 The Biggest Insight

You have ADHD and/or trauma because of how you were wired and what happened to you. Neither of those things defines your worth. Your capacity to keep showing up, to keep learning, to keep trying even when it's hard—that's what defines you. You're in recovery. That takes courage. Recognize that.

Resources to Explore

  • EMDRIA.org: Find trained EMDR therapists
  • ADDA.org: Attention Deficit Disorder Association (support for ADHD)
  • ISSTD.org: International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation
  • 988: Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text)
  • Toronto Sober Living Network: Community, support, education

🙏 A Final Word

If you're reading this, you're doing the work. You're trying to understand yourself. You're trying to heal. That matters.

Recovery doesn't mean you'll never struggle again. It means you'll struggle with tools, with support, with understanding. It means you'll know why you react the way you do. And that knowledge—that compassion for yourself—changes everything.

You're not broken. You're not alone. And you're stronger than you think.

Keep going.

📖 EMDR for Adults with ADHD: A Recovery Guide

Toronto Sober Living Network | January 2026

This guide is designed for educational purposes and should complement, not replace, professional mental health care.

🔗 linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork | 📧 [email protected]

👥 Join our community on Meetup

NYSLN Extended Event Summary: Chad Johnson's "Being Available, Showing Up, and Service in Recovery"

New York Sober Living Network | Tuesday, January 20, 2026 | 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

A Recovery Session on Presence, Purpose, and the Transformative Power of Helping Others

📋 Complete Event Documentation

Part ① Event Overview & Context

Event Details:
🔸 Title: Being Available, Showing Up, and Service in Recovery
🔸 Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2026
🔸 Time: 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST
🔸 Format: Live Zoom | Recovery Education & Discussion
🔸 Speaker: Chad Johnson, Sober Coach, Podcast Host, Recovery Advocate
🔸 Host: Dr. Ken Markowitz, NYSLN
🔸 Attendance: 40+ participants (Toronto, New York, Chicago, International)

Historic Significance:


This was NYSLN's continuation of their Tuesday lunchtime series connecting mental health professionals with individuals in recovery and their families. Chad's session focused on the practical, lived experience of maintaining recovery while serving others—a crucial bridge between early recovery (where the focus is on self) and mature recovery (where the focus expands outward).

Community Context:


New York Sober Living Network operates as part of a global peer-led recovery community:


🌍 Headquarters: Toronto, Canada
🌍 Additional Chapters: New York (established); Chicago (launched); Mumbai, India; Enugu, Nigeria
🌍 Mission: Create judgment-free spaces where individuals at every stage of sobriety can find understanding, resources, and peer connection
🌍 Format: Free weekly Zoom sessions (Tuesdays 12-1 PM EST for NYSLN) + educational eBooks + companion workbooks + recovery resources

Part ② About Chad Johnson

Professional Background:

Chad Johnson is a Certified Sober Coach and recovery advocate with 11+ years of continuous sobriety. He operates across multiple platforms and organizations, each reflecting his commitment to breaking stigma and creating recovery-ready communities.

Credentials & Platforms:


🔹 Founder and Host of "Not All There Podcast" (peer-led recovery conversations)
🔹 Host of "Sober with Chad" (coaching and mentorship platform)
🔹 Founder of The Art of Recovery Foundation (advocating for addiction awareness and recovery)
🔹 Initiator and Host of SLN Chicago Chapter (building recovery community in the Midwest)
🔹 Certified Sober Coach (providing one-on-one and group coaching)
🔹 Professional recovery speaker and educator

Personal Journey:

Chad's credibility comes from lived experience, not theory:

💫 21 years of active addiction (alcohol and drugs) characterized by isolation and self-destruction
💫 Survivor of severe childhood abuse and multiple traumas (grew up in rural Oregon with an abusive father)
💫 Got sober and began recovery work, eventually achieving genuine sobriety around year 2-3
💫 Years 1-5: Marathon runner (literally running from his trauma); trained intensely, ran marathons, used running as a substitute for substance abuse
💫 Year 5: Body completely gave out; forced to stop running and face the accumulated trauma that surfaced
💫 Years 5-9: Prolonged nervous breakdown; had to face everything—all trauma, all shame, all pain; this period involved intensive therapy, peer support, and genuine emotional processing
💫 Year 9: Breakthrough in self-acceptance; realized he couldn't change the past, but he could accept who he was and build from there
💫 Years 9-11: Evolution into genuine recovery; began liking himself, becoming present for family, developing service work, helping others
💫 Present (11+ years sober): Married, father of two teenage sons (ages 13 and 15), actively coaching others, hosting podcasts, building community, still in therapy, still doing daily recovery practices

Why Chad's Approach Matters:

Chad bridges two critical worlds:

🌟 Traditional Recovery Models: He understands AA, NA, clinical therapy, evidence-based treatment, and the value of structure and community in recovery

🌟 Real-Life Complexity: He doesn't pretend recovery is linear or that you ever stop being a "recovering" person.

He still has struggles with his wiring, his intensity, his trauma responses. He's still doing the work after 11 years.

His unique value: He models what mature, sustainable recovery actually looks like—not perfect, but grounded, connected, purposeful, and committed to helping others find the same.

Part ③ Core Themes & Educational Content

Theme ① "Self-Acceptance is the Foundation" (Not Perfection)

The Problem:


Most people in recovery spend the first years in internal conflict. They've accepted intellectually that they're an alcoholic or addict, but they haven't accepted emotionally. Part of them is still fighting against reality, still believing they should be different, should be stronger, should have never gotten here.

This internal war is exhausting. It consumes mental and emotional energy that could be used for actual healing and growth.

Chad's Journey:


For years, Chad was sober but at war with himself. He was doing the external work (meetings, therapy, running marathons) but internally rejecting himself for what he was. Around year 9, something shifted.

"This is me. This is who I am. There's nothing I can do that's gonna change that. I can't fix it. I can't do anything to change the past. But I can accept it."

This moment—when acceptance shifted from intellectual to emotional—changed everything.

Why This Matters:


When you stop fighting against yourself, when you stop trying to be someone different, a huge relief emerges. No more arguing with reality. No more shame spirals. No more performing.

Chad describes it: "There was a huge relief in that. Like, oh, okay, this is me. I don't have to go around trying to figure out who I am. I don't have to listen to my own bullshit or bullshit others. This is the person that I am."

Workbook Integration:


For future workbook development, this theme would include:


📖 Daily acceptance practices (acknowledging reality without judgment)
📖 Journaling prompts around self-acceptance
📖 Distinguishing between "I can't change the past" and "I can change my response to it"
📖 Tracking the relief that comes from stopping the internal war

Theme ② "From Acceptance to Genuine Self-Esteem" (The Scaling Method)

The Problem:


Acceptance alone isn't enough. You can accept yourself and still hate yourself. You can accept that you're a recovering alcoholic and still feel worthless.

The next step is learning to genuinely like yourself. But most recovery programs leave you to figure this out on your own.

Chad's Solution:


Chad discovered what he calls the "scaling method"—starting ridiculously small and building from there.

"I decided that maybe it was time to start liking myself for who I was. And let's start with, like, an hour, okay? I can do that, and let's start with a day, and then a couple of days, and pretty soon, I was able to string together several months of liking myself, and my entire perspective on things changed."

This isn't positive thinking or affirmations. It's a neuroplasticity practice. By consistently choosing to like himself for small increments of time, Chad rewired his brain's relationship to himself.

The Cascade Effect:


When Chad began genuinely liking himself:

🌟 He became a better parent (more present, less reactive)
🌟 He became a better husband (more emotionally available)
🌟 He became a better friend (authentic instead of performing)
🌟 He stopped caring what people thought (freedom)
🌟 He became genuinely present for others

Why This Matters:


Self-esteem built on genuine self-acceptance is sustainable because it's not fragile. It's not based on external validation or achievements. It's based on knowing yourself and choosing to show up anyway.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Daily self-esteem building exercises (start with "I did one thing well today")
📖 Scaling practices (an hour of liking yourself, then a day, then a week)
📖 Tracking cascade effects (as your self-esteem improves, what changes in your relationships?)
📖 Practical exercises in meeting yourself with compassion

Theme ③ "Community is Non-Negotiable" (The Different Layers)

The Truth:


"You can't live a life of active recovery on your own. Doing it in shadows, secretly, without letting people know, defeats the entire purpose."

Why:


Chad's addiction was an "addiction of isolation." For 21 years, he couldn't face the world or himself. He needed to numb himself every day because the pain of existing was unbearable.

Recovery demands the opposite: radical connection, visibility, vulnerability, and community.

What Community Actually Provides:


When you're surrounded by people who understand you, who've lived similar experiences:

💚 The loneliness goes away (you're no longer isolated with your pain)
💚 You have hope (you see others making it work)
💚 You're seen for who you truly are (validation and acceptance)
💚 You realize you're not broken or alone
💚 You get perspective when problems feel enormous
💚 You get support when you're struggling
💚 You remember your "why" when you're losing motivation

The Different Layers:


Chad emphasizes that community exists at multiple levels:

🔵 Recovery-Specific Community: AA meetings, NA meetings, recovery groups, sponsorship relationships. People who speak the language and understand the struggle.

🔵 Like-Minded Community: Men's groups, peer coaching circles, recovery-focused gatherings. People doing similar work, often outside of 12-step structure.

🔵 Professional Community: Therapists, coaches, mentors. People trained to help you process and heal.

🔵 Broader Community: Family, friends, colleagues. People who care about you and support your recovery, even if they haven't experienced addiction.

🔵 Service Community: People you help and coach. This creates a feedback loop where giving strengthens your own recovery.

Why Multiple Layers Matter:


People who've lived through similar experiences offer irreplaceable camaraderie. You're seen, validated, understood.

But people with no frame of reference to addiction offer something equally valuable: they remind you how far you've come and reinforce your commitment never to return. They help you integrate back into mainstream society and prove to yourself that you can function and be present outside the recovery bubble.

Chad's Communities Include:


🔹 AA meetings and his AA crew
🔹 A men's group he started at his house
🔹 Recovery podcasts and online networks
🔹 Multiple therapists over the years
🔹 Family and friends who support his recovery
🔹 Mentees and coaching clients he serves

Workbook Integration:


📖 Mapping your community (identifying which layers you have and which you need)
📖 Community-building exercises (how to start a group, how to join one)
📖 Vulnerability practices (sharing with people in each layer)
📖 Tracking the impact of community on your recovery trajectory

Theme ④ "The Three Stages of Recovery" (Critical Distinctions)

The Language Problem:


Most people use "abstinence," "sobriety," and "recovery" interchangeably. This is a profound mistake because it conflates three very different states of being.

Abstinence: Just Stopping

Definition: Not using a substance or addictive behavior.

What It Includes:
🔹 Not drinking or using drugs
🔹 Not gambling, binge eating, compulsive sex, working obsessively
🔹 Physically not engaging in the behavior

What It Doesn't Include:
🔹 Internal transformation
🔹 Healing from trauma
🔹 Building healthy relationships
🔹 Developing self-worth
🔹 Creating meaning and purpose
🔹 Any emotional or spiritual component

The Reality: You can be abstinent and still be:
🔹 Angry and resentful
🔹 Depressed and hopeless
🔹 Isolated and lonely
🔹 White-knuckling through each day
🔹 Ready to relapse at any moment
🔹 Miserable

Sobriety: Sustained Abstinence + Awareness

Definition: Not using AND understanding why you don't use, while actively working on yourself.

What It Includes:
🔹 Not using substances
🔹 Understanding your patterns and triggers
🔹 Attending meetings or therapy
🔹 Working on yourself (journaling, meditation, etc.)
🔹 Being honest about your struggles
🔹 Showing up, even when it's hard
🔹 Having structure and accountability

What It Might Still Be Missing:
🔹 Deep healing from trauma
🔹 Full integration of lessons into daily life
🔹 Authentic connection with others
🔹 Genuine purpose and meaning
🔹 Joy and peace

The Reality: You can be sober and still be:
🔹 Going through the motions
🔹 Isolated and lonely
🔹 Avoiding the real deep work
🔹 White-knuckling through life
🔹 One failed support system away from relapse
🔹 Functional but not fulfilled

Recovery: The Full Transformation

Definition: Living a full, authentic life in alignment with your values, having healed from the wounds that drove your addiction.

What It Includes:
🔹 Abstinence from substances and harmful behaviors (obviously)
🔹 Genuine self-acceptance and self-esteem
🔹 Deep work on trauma and underlying issues (nervous breakdowns, if necessary)
🔹 Authentic relationships and genuine community
🔹 Purpose, meaning, and contribution to others
🔹 Helping others (service)
🔹 Joy, peace, and spiritual alignment
🔹 Living your values
🔹 Being genuinely present for yourself and others
🔹 Still growing and evolving

What It Looks Like:
🔹 You genuinely like yourself (flaws and all)
🔹 You're present with your family and friends (not just physically there)
🔹 You help people without expecting anything in return
🔹 You handle hard days without using
🔹 You sleep well knowing you lived well
🔹 You contribute to your community
🔹 You build others up
🔹 You remember your "why" every single day
🔹 You're still doing the work (therapy, practices, community)
🔹 You're still humble and learning

The Critical Insight:


Not everyone makes the journey from abstinence to sobriety to recovery. Many get stuck in sobriety—not using, but not truly living. They're stable but not transformed. And when one pillar of support fails (lost their sponsor, can't make meetings, lost their job, relationship ends), they relapse.

Recovery, true recovery, is more resilient because it's built on internal transformation, not external structure.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Self-assessment tool (which stage are you in?)
📖 Pathway to the next stage (what does it take to move from abstinence to sobriety, sobriety to recovery?)
📖 Identifying areas of your life where you're abstinent/sober/recovering
📖 Building resilience by moving toward recovery

Theme ⑤ "The Daily Ritual That Keeps You Grounded" (Neuroplasticity in Action)

The Practice:


Chad has a non-negotiable daily ritual. Every single morning, almost 12 years into sobriety, he does the same thing:

"I wake up each day, and I have to remind myself: Hey, Chad, you're a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Don't fuck it up today."

It sounds harsh. It sounds negative. But it's neither.

Why This Works:


This is a neuroplasticity practice. By repeatedly activating the same intention every morning, Chad is:

① Bringing himself into the present moment. His mind isn't in yesterday's regrets or tomorrow's anxieties. He's here, now, making a choice.

② Activating his "why." It's not just "I'm sober," it's "I have something I'm protecting." Kids. Wife. Work. Community. Purpose.

③ Preventing relapse amnesia. Research shows that over time, people forget why they got sober. They start thinking "Maybe I wasn't that bad." Or "Maybe I can handle just one drink." By reminding himself every morning of what he is, Chad immunizes himself.

④ Reserving willpower for everything else. The biggest decision of the day is made first thing: "I'm not using today." This frees mental energy for parenting, working, helping others.

⑤ Accepting reality without fighting it. He's not saying "Pray I don't relapse." He's saying "This is who I am. And today I'm choosing not to act on it."

The Acceptance Built In:


What's beautiful about this ritual is that it's not based on shame or self-punishment. It's based on complete acceptance.

Chad is saying: "I'm deeply traumatized. I'm wired in ways that make recovery work necessary. I'm still that wounded kid from Oregon. None of that has changed. And I'm choosing, every day, to show up anyway."

This is maturity. This is humility. This is the difference between someone who's been sober 12 years and someone who's just managed not to drink for 12 years.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Creating your own daily ritual (what reminder keeps you grounded?)
📖 Neuroplasticity practices (understanding how repetition rewires your brain)
📖 Morning intention-setting exercises
📖 Tracking the effects of daily rituals over weeks and months

Theme ⑥ "Listening as a Revolutionary Act" (The Prerequisite for Service)

The Insight:


"One of the most important things you can do for someone is just be available to listen to what they have to say. You may not even need to share anything with them. Just listening to them is enough for them to get the help that they need."

Why This Is Revolutionary:


In a world of:
🔹 Constant distraction (everyone's on their phone)
🔹 Performative advice-giving ("Here's what you should do")
🔹 Problem-solving without understanding ("Why don't you just...")
🔹 Judgment and criticism ("That was stupid")

Genuine listening has become genuinely radical. People are starved for it.

The Prerequisite:


But Chad knows something crucial: you can't listen to others if you're not listening to yourself.

"If I'm stuck in my own head, dealing with my own crap, I'm not available to do that."

This is why the daily ritual matters so much. By taking time each morning to ground yourself, you clear the mental clutter that would otherwise prevent genuine presence.

It's the airplane oxygen mask principle: put your own mask on first.

What Genuine Listening Looks Like:


🔹 Putting your phone away (actual presence)
🔹 Making eye contact (showing you're engaged)
🔹 Letting them finish without interrupting
🔹 Asking follow-up questions (showing you care)
🔹 Not trying to fix them (letting them own their experience)
🔹 Not sharing your story unless they ask (keeping the focus on them)
🔹 Simply witnessing and reflecting back what you hear
🔹 Following up the next day

What It Creates:


🔹 Safety ("It's safe for me to be vulnerable with this person")
🔹 Trust ("This person genuinely cares")
🔹 Feeling seen ("Someone understands me")
🔹 Validation ("My experience matters")
🔹 Reduced isolation ("I'm not alone")
🔹 Hope ("If someone can listen like this, maybe I can get help")

Workbook Integration:


📖 Active listening exercises
📖 Reflective listening practices
📖 Distinguishing between listening and advising
📖 Tracking the impact of genuine listening on your relationships

Theme ⑦ "The Power of Small Gestures" (Compound Effect of Kindness)

The Hierarchy of Service:


Service doesn't exist at one level. It exists on a spectrum:

Level ① Minor Gestures


🔹 Smile at someone on the street
🔹 Say hello
🔹 Hold a door
🔹 Make eye contact
🔹 Give a compliment

Level ② Personal Connection


🔹 Listen without judgment
🔹 Ask meaningful questions
🔹 Remember details
🔹 Follow up
🔹 Show genuine care

Level ③ Direct Support


🔹 Help someone solve a problem
🔹 Provide emotional support
🔹 Volunteer expertise
🔹 Spend time with someone
🔹 Be physically present

Level ④ Major Intervention


🔹 Help someone get to treatment
🔹 Mentor someone in recovery
🔹 Give significant time/resources
🔹 Change someone's trajectory
🔹 Potentially save someone's life

The Key Insight:


You don't need to be at Level ④ to matter. Even Level ① gestures compound into massive impact when you think about how many people's days you're touching.

The Personal Story: Making Your Bed


During the session, participant Leo Petrilli shared: "Making my bed, every morning."

This is a perfect example. Making your bed isn't a gesture to someone else. It's a gesture to yourself. But it's exactly the kind of small, consistent action that builds momentum.

When you make your bed:


✓ You start your day with an accomplishment
✓ You create order in your environment
✓ You're being responsible to yourself
✓ You're practicing self-care
✓ You're building self-esteem
✓ Before you even leave your room, you've done one good thing

The Gratitude Practice


Participant Barb Lang noted: "I think there is a lot of meaning in those smaller gratitudes. It doesn't always have to be the big stuff."

This is crucial for recovery. In early recovery, you're not ready for grand service. But you ARE ready for:
🔹 Making your bed
🔹 Brushing your teeth
🔹 Taking a shower
🔹 Going for a walk
🔹 Saying thank you
🔹 Smiling at someone

These small acts:
① Build momentum
② Create self-esteem
③ Prove to yourself you're capable
④ Set up a foundation for bigger actions

The Scaling Principle:


Chad's approach to self-esteem and service is built on scaling:

Day 1: I brushed my teeth and made my bed
Day 2: I brushed my teeth, made my bed, and went for a walk
Day 3: I brushed my teeth, made my bed, went for a walk, and said hello to my neighbor
Week 2: I've done all of the above plus I volunteered 2 hours
Month 1: I've built a routine, volunteered regularly, and helped someone through a crisis

The power? Each small win stacks on top of the previous ones. Before you know it, you're living a life of meaning and service.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Small gesture log (tracking Level ① and Level ② acts daily)
📖 Gratitude practice (noticing small things to be grateful for)
📖 Scaling exercises (how to build momentum from one small action to the next)
📖 Tracking the compound effect over weeks and months

Theme ⑧ "Vulnerability: The Strength Everyone Overlooks" (Gateway to Service)

The Core Question:


During the session, Carby asked: "Is 'Vulnerability' a factor in lasting Recovery? And is this another way to put it, the working mechanism in respect to 'Giving Back' or 'Service'?"

Chad's answer was unambiguous: "Yes."

And participant Leo Petrilli captured the emotional truth: "Tears are power."

What Vulnerability Actually Means:


Vulnerability isn't weakness. In recovery, vulnerability means:

🔓 Being willing to tell the truth
🔓 Admitting you don't have it all figured out
🔓 Sharing your struggles, not just your successes
🔓 Asking for help
🔓 Being emotionally present
🔓 Letting others see the real you

Vulnerability = Strength in Recovery:


Chad models this throughout his life:
🔹 He shares his crazy stories about his addiction
🔹 He talks about his trauma
🔹 He admits when he's struggling
🔹 He participates in therapy
🔹 He shares his failures alongside his successes
🔹 He asks for help from his wife, friends, and community

Why This Matters:


When people see you being vulnerable and still showing up, it gives them permission to do the same. Vulnerability creates connection. Connection creates recovery.

In a culture that often teaches—especially men—to hide emotions, recovery requires the opposite. When you can:
🔹 Cry
🔹 Express emotion
🔹 Show fear
🔹 Admit confusion
🔹 Ask for help

You're demonstrating the strength it takes to live an authentic life.

Vulnerability in Service:


When you serve others from a place of vulnerability, the service transforms:

💚 It's not superior or patronizing (you're not better than them)
💚 It's peer-to-peer, person-to-person
💚 It says: "I've been where you are. Here's how I'm moving forward"
💚 It gives them hope that change is possible
💚 It allows them to see the real you, not a performance
💚 It creates connection, not dependency

Workbook Integration:


📖 Vulnerability practices (safe places to practice being vulnerable)
📖 Distinguishing between appropriate and inappropriate vulnerability
📖 Tracking how vulnerability deepens your relationships
📖 Practicing service from a place of vulnerability

Part ④ Practical Frameworks & Tools

The Daily Scaling Method for Self-Esteem

Chad's most practical contribution is his daily scaling method for building self-esteem:

Start Ridiculously Small


The first goals in recovery aren't "Get a job" or "Rebuild your marriage." They're:
🔹 Tie your shoes
🔹 Brush your teeth
🔹 Get dressed
🔹 Do laundry
🔹 Fold the laundry
🔹 Go for a walk

Why? Each action is evidence that you're not lazy, not broken, not incapable. You're capable of doing one thing. And then another. And then another.

Document Your Wins


Chad's approach:
"I can look back, like, oh, well, you know what? I walked my dog today. And I picked up the dog poop. I was an active person in public today. I was out in society, and I was doing something. I was being polite and responsible. And that's something that you can build on for the day."

The practice:
🔹 Keep track of what you accomplished
🔹 Celebrate small wins
🔹 Notice your presence and activity in the world
🔹 Build a positive narrative about yourself

Connect Positive Actions to Positive Feelings


Chad shares: "There's also, you know, I spoke to another person about their recovery a day, and that made me feel good. So that's something that I like feeling, so I'm gonna do that again."

The pattern:
① Do a positive action
② Notice how it feels
③ Identify the positive feeling
④ Repeat the action to experience the feeling again
⑤ Build a routine around actions that feel good

Meet People Where They Are


As a coach, Chad emphasizes that recovery isn't one-size-fits-all:

Early Recovery (First 30 Days):


🔹 Focus: Not using, showing up to meetings, basic self-care
🔹 Goal: Survive and stay connected

First Year:


🔹 Focus: Building routine, processing trauma, developing self-esteem
🔹 Goal: Get stable and start healing

Year 2-5:


🔹 Focus: Deep trauma work, relationship repair, building life
🔹 Goal: Create a sustainable recovery lifestyle

Year 5+:


🔹 Focus: Mastery, giving back, evolving spiritually
🔹 Goal: Live with purpose and serve others

Use Journaling and Expression


Chad uses journaling extensively:
"I've got notebooks everywhere. I'll be flipping through work ideas, and then I'm like, oh god, here's 5 pages of whatever I was going through that day. So I'll go back and read it. That's another nice way to reflect back on what you were feeling, what you were writing."

The benefits:
🔹 Gets thoughts out of your head
🔹 Allows reflection and pattern recognition
🔹 Provides evidence of growth over time
🔹 Engages a different part of your brain
🔹 Creates accountability

Relatable Connection (Especially with Kids)


Chad's example with his 13-year-old son:
"I just try to encourage him with little things, or say 'Oh, that's cool, good job.' Like, not being critical. Unless it needs to be, right? And meeting him, accepting him. Okay, today was just whatever. He doesn't like school. Alright, well, let's not make a big deal about it, okay? Let's find something positive that we can talk about or relatable."

This applies to self-esteem:
🔹 Find one thing you did well
🔹 Don't be overly critical
🔹 Find something positive to focus on
🔹 Meet yourself with acceptance and encouragement

Part ⑤ The Roadmap to Service

Option ① Existing Organizations

Local Services:


🔹 Food banks and soup kitchens
🔹 Donation and charity centers
🔹 Community centers
🔹 Religious organizations
🔹 Non-profits

Recovery-Specific:


🔹 12-step meetings (sponsorship, literature table, setup/cleanup)
🔹 Recovery houses
🔹 Treatment centers
🔹 Recovery coaching organizations
🔹 Peer support groups

Getting Started:


🔹 Search your area for volunteer opportunities
🔹 Call and ask: "I'm in recovery and looking to give back. How can I help?"
🔹 Start small—even 2 hours per month makes a difference

Option ② Community Projects

Community-Based Service:


🔹 Food drives (sorting cans, organizing donations)
🔹 Park cleanups
🔹 Beach cleanups
🔹 Community gardens
🔹 School volunteering
🔹 Youth sports coaching

Getting Started:


🔹 Go to events happening in your community
🔹 Volunteer with your kids (teaches them about service)
🔹 Notice what issues matter to you and find organizations working on them

Option ③ Start Your Own

Chad's Story:


"When I got sober, my kids were very young. I needed to be present for bedtime and my wife. So I started my own group meeting at my house. It's pretty easy to do, because there are a lot of like-minded people out there."

Ideas for Starting Your Own:


🔹 AA/NA home meeting
🔹 Book club focused on recovery
🔹 Men's or women's group
🔹 Peer support circle
🔹 Online community
🔹 Mentorship circle
🔹 Service project group

The Power of Starting Small:


🔹 Invite a few people over
🔹 Create a safe, welcoming space
🔹 Be consistent
🔹 Let it grow organically
🔹 Lead by example

Option ④ Direct Asking

Chad's Most Powerful Suggestion:


"If you just go around and ask, 'Hey, I am looking to be of service to other people. Is there anything that you guys need help with that I might be able to help you with?' And it'll stop people dead in their tracks. They'll think, and you'll get an answer. Either they can help you, where they work can help you, or they know someone that needs help and they can get you pointed in that direction."

Why This Works:


🔹 Most people are waiting for someone to ask
🔹 Your genuine desire to help is rare and valued
🔹 It opens doors you didn't know existed
🔹 It often leads to unexpected connections and opportunities

The Benefit of Service (No Matter Which Path)

No matter which path you choose, service does something that nothing else can:

🌟 Reinforces your sobriety (reminds you why you got sober)
🌟 Builds self-esteem (you're doing good)
🌟 Connects you to others
🌟 Creates meaning and purpose
🌟 Breaks the cycle of self-centeredness
🌟 Helps you sleep better knowing you helped someone
🌟 Keeps you humble and grounded
🌟 Models recovery for others

In a very real sense, service is the antidote to addiction. Addiction is about taking, using, consuming. Recovery is about giving, serving, contributing.

Part ⑥ Q&A Highlights & Community Engagement

Q① Clarifying Sobriety, Abstinence, and Recovery


Carby's Question: "Can you help me clarify the difference between Sobriety/Abstinence and Recovery?"

Chad's Response: Chad distinguished between the three stages clearly, emphasizing that not everyone moves through all three. Many people remain in sobriety indefinitely—not using, but not truly living. Recovery is the full transformation where you're genuinely liking yourself, present with others, and serving your community.

💡 Key Insight: Understanding these distinctions changes how you approach your recovery and helps you identify where you might be stuck.

Q② Vulnerability as the Mechanism of Lasting Change


Carby's Question: "Is 'Vulnerability' a factor in lasting Recovery? And is this another way to put it, the working mechanism in respect to 'Giving Back' or 'Service'?"

Chad's Response: Chad affirmed that vulnerability is absolutely central to lasting recovery and to the mechanism of service. When you serve from a place of genuine vulnerability, it creates peer-to-peer connection rather than a hierarchy of "helper" and "helped."

Leo Petrilli's Contribution: "Tears are power."

💡 Key Insight: Vulnerability is strength. When you allow yourself to feel, to admit struggle, to ask for help, you unlock the capacity for genuine connection and authentic service.

Q③ How to Practice Vulnerability


Carby's Follow-up: "Follow up to that question.. How can I 'practice' Vulnerability"

Chad's Response: While not fully elaborated in the transcript, Chad's overall approach suggests starting small—sharing something real with one trusted person, being honest about struggles, asking for help, expressing emotion.

💡 Key Insight: Vulnerability can be practiced incrementally, just like self-esteem. You don't need to share everything with everyone. Start with safe people in safe spaces.

Q④ Getting Started with Service


Carby's Question: "If I want to pursue the path of Service.. how do I get started?"

Chad's Response: Chad provided four concrete pathways (existing organizations, community projects, starting your own, direct asking), emphasizing that the best path is the one you actually take. Meeting people where they are is key—in early recovery, even volunteering 2 hours per month is meaningful.

💡 Key Insight: Service doesn't require perfection or grand gestures. It requires consistency and genuine desire to help.

Q⑤ Addressing Negative Influences


Carby's Question: "In respect to my previous life/habits, and especially my circle of (negative) influence (ie. 'friends', coworkers).. Do you recommend to distance myself to keep out of range of trouble or triggering environments?"

Follow-up Question: "When will i know it is the 'right' time to 'test the waters' and re-enter those environments and reconnect with those 'friends'..."

Chad's Response: (While not fully captured, Chad's approach suggests waiting until your recovery is solid enough to handle triggers, being strategic about re-entry, and maintaining boundaries with people/places that actively undermine your sobriety.)

💡 Key Insight: Recovery doesn't mean permanent isolation, but it does require strategic boundary management in early stages. Re-entry happens when your recovery is resilient, not when you think you're "fixed."

Q⑥ The Role of Spirituality and Belief


Carby's Question: "And in addition to community / service.. does my beliefs influence my recovery? For example, does God (religion aside) play a role?"

Chad's Response: (While not fully captured in transcript, Chad's overall approach suggests non-dogmatic spirituality. Whether you call it God, the universe, purpose, or community, having something larger than yourself to orient toward helps recovery significantly.)

💡 Key Insight: Spirituality matters, but it doesn't require a specific theology. What matters is having meaning and purpose beyond your own ego.

Q⑦ Community Recognition of Small Victories


Participant Leo Petrilli: "Making my bed, every morning."

Participant Barb Lang: "I think there is a lot of meaning in those smaller gratitudes, it doesn't always have to be the big stuff."

Ken Markowitz Response: "I agree! It's the small things that we often take for granted and should always be grateful for."

💡 Key Insight: The community affirmed that small actions, done consistently, are the foundation of recovery. Making your bed daily is as valid and important as major service work.

Q⑧ Session Closing


Participant Damien Reilly: "I have to jump. Thanks everyone! Thanks Chad! Thanks Ken!"


Multiple Participants: "Thanks so much Chad, and Ken!" and "Thanks all"

Part ⑦ Integration & Next Steps

For Participants:

① If you attended the live session:


🔸 Download the full eBook for deeper learning
🔸 Implement the daily ritual (your own version of "Don't fuck it up today")
🔸 Practice one Level ① gesture daily (smile, hello, thank you)
🔸 Identify which layers of community you have and which you need
🔸 Choose one service pathway to explore this month
🔸 Start journaling (small wins, feelings, reflections)

② If you're new to this work:


🔸 Read through the eBook first to understand the framework
🔸 Start with the daily ritual (adapt it to your own belief system)
🔸 Begin with Tool #1: Making your bed and doing basic self-care
🔸 Document your small wins
🔸 Build from there

③ If you want to deepen the practice:


🔸 Consider one-on-one coaching with Chad or another trained coach
🔸 Join a recovery community (AA, SMART, Lymbic, etc.)
🔸 Combine this work with therapy or counseling
🔸 Start a home group or meet-up in your area
🔸 Join NYSLN Tuesday sessions weekly (free, judgment-free community)

For Mental Health Professionals:

The NYSLN platform is a vital resource for:
🔹 Connecting with clients in recovery
🔹 Understanding peer-led support models
🔹 Referring clients to free community resources
🔹 Learning about cutting-edge recovery practices
🔹 Building collaborative relationships with recovery communities

Part ⑧ The Bigger Picture

Why This Matters Now

Recovery work has traditionally focused on "stopping the behavior" (abstinence) and cognitive processing (therapy). This helps millions. But many people still feel stuck, still struggle with meaning and purpose, still can't regulate their nervous systems without substances.

Chad's work—and NYSLN's platform—represents a paradigm shift: Healing requires meeting the person where they are across all dimensions simultaneously.

This means:
💫 Traditional therapy (still essential)
💫 Plus 12-Step or peer programs (still valuable)
💫 Plus practical self-esteem building (small gestures, daily rituals)
💫 Plus community across multiple layers (recovery-specific and broader)
💫 Plus service and meaning-making (gives purpose to recovery)

The Result:

People don't just stop using substances—they reclaim their lives. They:
🌟 Develop genuine self-acceptance and self-esteem
🌟 Build authentic community across multiple layers
🌟 Discover meaning and purpose through service
🌟 Regulate their nervous systems (can be present without numbing)
🌟 Sleep well knowing they lived well
🌟 Know they're not alone
🌟 Have hope that change is possible

Part ⑨ Accessibility & Inclusivity

NYSLN's commitment to accessibility:

Financial:


💰 Free weekly Zoom sessions (Tuesdays 12-1 PM EST)
💰 Free eBooks and educational materials
💰 Free community access
💰 Sliding scale for direct coaching

Accessibility for Different Backgrounds:


🌈 No religious requirement
🌈 Non-dogmatic spirituality
🌈 No special preparation needed
🌈 Judgment-free (cameras on or off—your choice)
🌈 Welcomes skeptics and believers alike

For Healthcare Providers:


🏥 Mental health professionals welcome
🏥 NYSLN serves as a vital platform to connect with the community you serve
🏥 Integration with clinical recovery models (not replacement)

Part ⑩ Contact & Resources

Speaker:


Chad Johnson, Sober Coach & Recovery Advocate


🔗 Website: https://www.soberchad.com/
🔗 Email: (available through website)
🔗 Podcasts: "Not All There" & "Sober with Chad"
🔗 Services: Coaching (sliding scale), Speaking, Advocacy
🔗 Location: Chicago, IL (distance sessions available globally)

New York Sober Living Network:


🔗 Website: https://soberlivingnetwork.org
🔗 Linktr: https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
🔗 Email: [email protected]
🔗 Weekly: Tuesday 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

Related Resources:


🔗 Art of Recovery Foundation: https://www.artofrecoveryfoundation.org/
🔗 Lymbic: https://www.lymbic.org/
🔗 Not All There Podcast: https://notalltherepod.com/

Crisis Resources:


🆘 National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – Free, confidential, 24/7
🆘 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
🆘 AA: https://www.aa.org/
🆘 SMART Recovery: https://www.smartrecovery.org/
🆘 Local mental health clinic or doctor

Part ⑪ The Larger Vision

What Chad's Work Represents

Chad Johnson isn't unique in being sober for 11+ years. But he's exceptional in how openly he shares his journey—not just the victories, but the nervous breakdown in year 5, the ongoing struggles with his trauma wiring, the daily commitment he still makes.

He's not selling a fantasy of "fixed recovery." He's modeling realistic, sustainable recovery: work, commitment, community, service, and genuine presence.

The Paradigm Shift

From "How do I stop using?" to "How do I build a life worth living?"

From "One day at a time" (survival mode) to "One day at a time with purpose" (thriving mode)

From "I need help" (vulnerability as need) to "I can help others" (vulnerability as strength)

Part ⑫ Final Words

Chad's Message to the Community:

(While not directly quoted, Chad's consistent message throughout is:)

"Show up. Be available. Start small. Be honest about who you are. Connect with people. Help others. That's the path. Not the only path. But a path that works."

Ken Markowitz's Framing:

"Recovery isn't about perfection. It's about showing up, staying connected, and living with gratitude one day at a time."

✨ Conclusion

The January 20, 2026 NYSLN session with Chad Johnson was a masterclass in practical recovery wisdom. Participants left with:

✨ Understanding: Why service is the mechanism of lasting recovery
✨ Frameworks: The three stages of recovery and how to move between them
✨ Practices: Daily rituals, scaling methods, small gesture frameworks
✨ Community: Connection to NYSLN and the broader SLN network
✨ Hope: Proof that transformation is possible, one day at a time
✨ Purpose: Clear pathways to meaningful service

By the end of the session, it was clear: recovery isn't something you achieve and then stop working on. It's a way of living—present, connected, purposeful, and dedicated to helping others find their own way.

Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

New York Sober Living Network


🔗 https://soberlivingnetwork.org
📧 [email protected]
👥 https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

Sober Living Network – Global Community


🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧 Connect through website
🔗 Registration: https://SoberLivingNetwork.org

Event Documentation Date: January 20, 2026


Materials Created: eBook (Full Educational Resource) + Event Summary (Quick Overview) + Extended Event Summary (Comprehensive Documentation)


Access: All materials available free to NYSLN community members and registered participants

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧 [email protected]
👥 Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network