Resources

NYSLN Event Summary: Tricia Youngs "Trauma, Recovery & Living in Your Own Skin"

New York Sober Living Network | Tuesday, January 27, 2026 | 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

NYSLN Event Summary - Tricia Youngs Keynote

🌟 Trauma, Recovery & Living in Your Own Skin

Speaker: Tricia Youngs, LMHC | Trauma Recovery Coach

Event: New York Sober Living Network (NYSLN) Tuesday Keynote

Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2026 | 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

📌 About This Session

Tricia Youngs brought 27+ years of clinical expertise, 38 years of personal sobriety, and a revolutionary perspective on the root cause of addiction. This session explored why people use substances—not as a character flaw, but as an understandable attempt to learn how to live in their own bodies.

The Core Teaching: "Recovery is very simple, but it's not easy. The key is learning to live comfortably in your own body without escaping discomfort through substances."

🎓

Meet Tricia Youngs

38 years sober | 27+ years as LMHC | Trauma Recovery Expert

Trained with world-leading experts including Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, Francine Shapiro (EMDR), Pia Mellody, Gabor Maté, and Richard Schwartz. Worked across all levels of care from psychiatric hospitals to community mental health to substance abuse treatment.

Author: "Rescued: Hope for the Shattered Heart and Soul" — her personal journey transformed into practical recovery wisdom.

💡 5 Critical Insights from the Keynote

1. Addiction is a Symptom, Not a Character Flaw

People don't abuse substances to create chaos. They abuse substances because they haven't yet learned how to live in the discomfort of their own bodies. This shift from judgment to compassion is where healing begins.

2. The Brain's Reward System Explains Everything

When discomfort rises, the brain releases dopamine (pleasure chemical) 2-10x higher than natural rewards. It simultaneously shuts down the amygdala (threat center) and numbs pain. Your brain learned: "Use substance = feel good." This is neurobiology, not weakness.

3. Three Non-Negotiables for Lasting Recovery

A Circle of Support (even if you don't trust them initially), A Higher Power (anything except yourself—because you'll rationalize using), and Practical Tools (cold water on wrist, movement, calling friends) to manage emotional overwhelm in the moment.

4. Euphoric Recall is Your Brain Showing You the Highlight Reel

When discomfort hits in early recovery, your brain doesn't remember the full story—just the "high." Your circle of support shows you the "bloopers" (consequences, pain, losses) to interrupt the fantasy and remind you of your worth.

5. Trauma + ADHD = Perfect Storm for Addiction

60-80% of people in substance abuse treatment have unresolved trauma. When ADHD (low impulse control) combines with trauma (emotional dysregulation), substances become the default escape. Physical movement isn't optional—it's medicine.

📚 What You'll Discover in the Full eBook

The complete eBook goes much deeper with science-backed explanations, powerful analogies, and actionable tools:

🧬 The Neuroscience

How the amygdala, dopamine, and vagus nerve actually work. Understand your brain, not just your behavior.

🎬 Visual Analogies

The Car Alarm, The Highlight Reel, The Emergency Brake System. Complex concepts made memorable and relatable.

🛠️ Practical Tools

Cold water activation, movement protocols, calling circles. Real techniques you can use TODAY when overwhelmed.

📊 Research & Data

17 peer-reviewed sources cited. From ACE studies to BDNF research. Science that explains why recovery works.

👥 Who Should Read This eBook?

  • People in recovery seeking to understand your brain and build lasting sobriety
  • Family members trying to understand what your loved one is experiencing internally
  • Healthcare professionals needing deeper insight into trauma-addiction connections
  • Anyone struggling with ADHD + trauma (a special, high-risk combination)
  • Those curious about neuroscience of addiction and recovery

Ready to Go Deeper?

The 45-minute keynote was just the beginning. The full eBook includes detailed explanations, powerful analogies, 17 peer-reviewed research citations, and actionable tools you can use immediately when facing emotional overwhelm or relapse urges.

Download the complete eBook and discover: Why your brain works the way it does, why recovery takes community (not willpower), and how to literally rewire your nervous system through simple, science-backed techniques.

📥 Download Full eBook Now

📊 Why This Matters: By the Numbers

60-80%

of people in substance abuse treatment have trauma histories

4-5x

higher addiction risk with 4+ Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)

2-10x

higher dopamine from substances vs. natural rewards

2-3x

higher substance abuse risk in people with ADHD

🌍 Learn More from Tricia Youngs

Website: www.triciayoungs.com | www.thepathtohealing.net

Email: [email protected]

Phone: +1 (561) 886-7985

InStill Hope Consulting LLC | Delray Beach, Florida | Serving clients nationally & internationally

TSLN Detailed Summary: EMDR for Adults with ADHD
Toronto Sober Living Network

🧠 EMDR for Adults with ADHD

Untangling Trauma from Neurodivergence
📅 Friday, January 23, 2026
⏰ 7:00 PM – 8:30 PM EST
👥 30+ Participants
🔴 Live Zoom Session

📚 Table of Contents

  1. Event Overview & Significance
  2. About Alexandra Canzonieri
  3. Current Research & Statistics
  4. Understanding ADHD: Neurobiology & Impact
  5. What Is Trauma? Beyond Events
  6. The ADHD-Trauma Overlap
  7. Window of Tolerance & Regulation
  8. Brain Physiology & Nervous System
  9. EMDR: What It Is & How It Works
  10. EMDR for ADHD + Trauma
  11. The Shame-Trauma-ADHD Nexus
  12. Therapeutic Integration Approach
  13. Clinical Implementation & Considerations
  14. Key Takeaways & Implications
  15. Resources & Next Steps
1️⃣ Event Overview & Significance

The January 23, 2026 Toronto Sober Living Network (TSLN) session represented a critical educational milestone in understanding one of modern mental health's most overlooked intersections: the relationship between ADHD, trauma, and the nervous system. This 90-minute live Zoom event brought together mental health professionals, individuals in recovery, and family members to explore how trauma and ADHD frequently co-occur and how evidence-based treatment like EMDR can support healing.

🔍 Why This Intersection Matters

Many individuals present with what appears to be ADHD symptoms, only to discover that unprocessed trauma is significantly amplifying or mimicking those symptoms. Understanding this overlap is essential for:

  • Accurate diagnosis and assessment
  • Appropriate treatment selection
  • Meaningful recovery outcomes
  • Reducing shame and self-blame
  • Building comprehensive trauma-informed care
30+ Participants representing diverse backgrounds, including mental health professionals, individuals in active recovery, family members, and community advocates
90 Minutes of clinical education and interactive discussion
8 Core Topics covering ADHD neurobiology, trauma types, nervous system physiology, EMDR mechanism, and clinical implementation
100% Free as part of TSLN's commitment to accessible community education
2️⃣ About the Speaker: Alexandra Canzonieri, MA, RP, CCC

Professional Identity & Expertise

Alexandra Canzonieri is a Registered Psychotherapist (RP) with a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology from Western University and 8+ years of clinical experience across diverse, complex settings. She is the founder and clinical director of Green Path Psychotherapy, a trauma-informed psychotherapy practice in Toronto's West End.

Education & Certifications
  • MA, Counselling Psychology – Western University
  • Registered Psychotherapist (RP) – College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario (CRPO)
  • Certified Clinical Counselor (CCC)
  • Specialized Training: EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET)
Clinical Background & Experience

Settings & Expertise:

  • Psychiatric Settings: Complex cases requiring medication coordination and psychiatric management
  • Addiction Services: Deep understanding of trauma-substance abuse connections
  • Family Service Agencies: Work with children, adolescents, and family systems
  • Private Practice: Individualized, intensive trauma-informed psychotherapy

🔍 Clinical Observation

Alexandra notes that approximately 90% of her current caseload presents with ADHD symptoms. In many cases, therapeutic work either helps clients get properly diagnosed or reveals that trauma was the primary driver of their symptoms. This high prevalence in her practice reflects the broader population trend of ADHD underdiagnosis and unrecognized trauma-ADHD comorbidity.

3️⃣ Current Research & Statistics

ADHD-Trauma Comorbidity

28-36% of adults with ADHD meet criteria for comorbid PTSD or trauma-related conditions
44% of adults with ADHD report a history of childhood trauma
85% of adults with ADHD and PTSD have childhood trauma in their history

Broader Comorbidity Patterns

80% of adults with ADHD have at least one comorbid psychiatric disorder
10% of people with ADHD are diagnosed and treated (90% remain undiagnosed)
7 years reduction in lifespan with untreated ADHD due to accidents, risky behaviors, and chronic stress

EMDR Treatment Efficacy

65.5% of EMDR-treated PTSD patients lost their PTSD diagnostic status post-treatment
73.1% maintained treatment gains at follow-up assessment
5.1% dropout rate during EMDR treatment (indicating strong client engagement)
4️⃣ Understanding ADHD: Neurobiology & Life Impact

📖 What Is ADHD? (Clinical Definition)

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is a persistent neurodevelopmental condition characterized by:

  • Executive Function Deficits: Difficulty with planning, organization, impulse control, time management
  • Neurobiological Basis: Differences in how the neurodivergent brain processes dopamine and norepinephrine (neurotransmitters related to motivation and attention)
  • Lifespan Presentation: Begins in childhood, persists through adulthood
  • NOT Behavioral: It's neurological, not a character flaw
How ADHD Manifests in Adults

Common Adult Presentations:

  • Chronic Overwhelm: Feeling constantly flooded by tasks, expectations, sensory input
  • Time Blindness: Difficulty perceiving time; losing hours without awareness
  • Emotional Reactivity: Rapid emotional escalation, difficulty returning to baseline
  • Prioritization Difficulty: Everything feels urgent and important simultaneously
  • Deep Shame: Related to perceived productivity failures and "not being enough"

📖 Time Blindness (Specific Definition)

Time Blindness is the neurological inability to intuitively perceive the passage of time. People with ADHD may:

  • Underestimate how long tasks will take
  • Not realize hours have passed while engaged in activity
  • Struggle with punctuality despite best intentions
  • Miss deadlines because "time just disappeared"

This is NOT laziness or poor planning; it's a neurological difference in how the brain processes temporal information.

Case Study: Sarah & Time Blindness

The Scenario: Sarah, 34, is a high-performing professional who is frequently late to meetings, much to her embarrassment and her boss's frustration.

What Her Boss Sees: Irresponsible. Not taking her job seriously. Poor time management.
What's Actually Happening: Sarah has ADHD time blindness. She started working on a project, became hyperfocused, and genuinely did not perceive that an hour had passed. Additionally, she internalized years of parental criticism ("Why are you always late? You're so irresponsible"), which creates shame activation in her nervous system. This shame actually IMPAIRS her ability to think clearly about solutions.
Clinical Insight: Treating Sarah's "time management problem" with better planners won't work if the underlying shame and trauma aren't addressed. EMDR processing of her early criticism memories can reduce the shame activation, which then allows her executive functioning strategies to actually work.
5️⃣ What Is Trauma? Redefining Beyond Events

🔍 The Critical Distinction

"Trauma does not equate to experiencing a significant life event. Trauma is defined not by the event itself, but by the nervous system's response to that threat."

Trauma is determined by the nervous system's processing capacity at the time, not the objective severity of the event.

📖 What Is Trauma? (Clinical Definition)

Trauma is the result of an experience (single or repeated) that exceeds an individual's capacity to process and integrate it. Key elements:

  • Event or Experience: That is threatening or overwhelming
  • Nervous System Overwhelm: The person's coping resources are insufficient for the challenge
  • Failure to Process: The experience becomes "stuck" in memory rather than being integrated
  • Persistent Nervous System Activation: The body/nervous system continues to treat the past threat as present danger
Three Types of Trauma
Trauma Type Characteristics Clinical Implications
Single-Incident Trauma One significant event: car accident, assault, medical emergency. Discrete, bounded, can often be pinpointed to specific moment. Often more straightforward to process, though impact can be profound. Clear memory anchors for treatment.
Chronic Stress/Repeated Trauma Ongoing threatening situations: chronic illness, war zone living, repeated abuse. System is constantly activated, never gets true relief. More complex because nervous system never learned safety. May involve multiple trauma targets.
Developmental/Complex Trauma Early relational injuries during sensitive developmental periods: emotional neglect, chronic criticism, inconsistent caregiving. Shapes identity and core beliefs. Often requires extensive work to rebuild sense of self and safety. Impacts attachment and relationship patterns.

Case Study: Marcus & The "Lazy" Label

The Scenario: Marcus, now 42, was labeled as "lazy" and "not reaching his potential" throughout childhood. His ADHD went undiagnosed until age 38.

Childhood Reality: Marcus had significant attention regulation challenges, struggled to organize homework, and often forgot assignments. His parents interpreted this as not caring enough. He received constant criticism and comparison to siblings.
Nervous System Encoding: At age 9, Marcus's nervous system learned: "I am inadequate. I don't try hard enough. I'm broken compared to my siblings."
Adult Presentation (Pre-Diagnosis): At 38, Marcus is successful professionally but plagued by perfectionism and anxiety. He overworks to compensate for what he still believes is his inherent laziness. When he makes a mistake, it triggers intense shame.
With EMDR Processing: Marcus reprocesses the childhood criticism memories. His nervous system finally learns: "That wasn't about being lazy. My brain is wired differently. The criticism was a misunderstanding, not truth about who I am."
Result: The same ADHD challenges remain, but they no longer trigger the same shame spiral, allowing Marcus to respond rather than react.
6️⃣ The ADHD-Trauma Overlap: Surface Similarities, Crucial Differences
Symptom Overlap: Why Diagnosis Is Tricky
Symptom In Trauma In ADHD Why It Matters
Inattention Dissociation (checking out) Difficulty focusing (executive issue) Different cause → different treatment
Hyperactivity Hypervigilance (on alert) Excess energy/need for movement One is protective; one is neurological
Impulsivity Fight-or-flight reaction Poor impulse control Regulatory vs. executive functioning
Emotional Dysregulation Triggered reactivity Difficulty with emotion intensity Event-based vs. inherent wiring

📖 Dissociation vs. Distraction: Critical Distinction

Distraction (ADHD):

  • Attention shifts naturally to more interesting stimulus
  • Person is aware it happened ("Oh, I got sidetracked")
  • Easy to bring person back ("Hey, let's refocus")
  • Neurological; related to dopamine and novelty-seeking

Dissociation (Trauma):

  • Automatic protective shutdown of awareness
  • Person may not realize it happened ("How did it get to 5pm?")
  • Much harder to retrieve; requires therapeutic techniques
  • Characterized by depersonalization or derealization

📖 Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): The ADHD Piece That Looks Like Trauma

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is a trait common in ADHD characterized by extreme emotional pain in response to perceived or actual rejection, criticism, or failure. Key features:

  • Rapid Activation: Perceive disapproval almost instantly
  • Intense Experience: Much stronger than the situational response would suggest
  • Personal Interpretation: Tend to interpret criticism as personal attack, not constructive feedback
  • Physiological Response: Triggers fight-or-flight activation
  • Extended Recovery: Takes much longer than others to return to baseline emotional state

Case Study: Keisha & The Collision of RSD + Trauma

The Scenario: Keisha, 28, has ADHD with significant Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. She also experienced chronic criticism from her mother throughout childhood.

ADHD Baseline: Keisha naturally perceives disapproval more quickly and feels it more intensely than others.
Trauma Layer: Her childhood was filled with harsh criticism and conditional love ("I'd be proud of you if you just tried harder").
Current Manifestation: When her boss gives constructive feedback on a project, Keisha's nervous system interprets it as:
  1. Immediate perception of disapproval (RSD + ADHD)
  2. Activation of childhood shame (trauma)
  3. Rapid cascade into shame spiral
  4. Physiological symptoms: heart racing, difficulty breathing, urge to escape
With Integrated Understanding: Her therapist recognizes that both the RSD and the trauma need addressing. EMDR helps reduce the trauma response. Skills training helps her recognize and manage the RSD in real-time.
Result: Keisha can still receive feedback (still has ADHD + RSD), but it no longer cascades into a multi-hour dysregulation episode.
7️⃣ Window of Tolerance: Why Regulation Is Everything

📖 Window of Tolerance (Definition)

Window of Tolerance is the zone of arousal in which the nervous system can function optimally. Within this window:

  • Prefrontal cortex (rational thinking) is online
  • Amygdala (threat detector) is in check
  • Body feels calm and alert simultaneously
  • Thinking, learning, problem-solving possible
  • Emotional regulation accessible

Within the Window, You Can:

  • Think clearly (prefrontal cortex is online)
  • Access coping skills and strategies
  • Regulate emotions
  • Respond (rather than react) to situations
  • Learn and process information
Outside the Window: Two Directions of Dysregulation

☝️ Above the Window (Hyperarousal/Sympathetic Activation)

  • Fight-or-flight response activated
  • Amygdala (threat detector) is screaming
  • Prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) shuts down
  • Experience: Anxiety, irritability, hypervigilance, racing thoughts, overwhelm, rage
  • Analogy: Driving on a highway with foot pressed hard on gas pedal; moving fast but have little control

👇 Below the Window (Hypoarousal/Dorsal Shutdown)

  • Freeze response activated
  • System goes into conservation mode
  • Experience: Numbness, dissociation, depression, fatigue, shutdown, disconnection
  • Analogy: Car in park with engine off; safe but unable to move forward
For Adults with ADHD + Trauma

The Window Is Typically Much Narrower

  • Gets Activated More Quickly: Even minor stressors trigger big responses
  • Intensity Is Magnified: When activated, the reaction is much more intense
  • Recovery Takes Longer: Takes longer to return to baseline after activation

🔍 Critical Clinical Insight

When outside the window of tolerance, your coping skills and strategies become inaccessible. You literally cannot use them.

This is why talk therapy and behavioral strategies alone often fail: they require the person to be IN their window. If someone is activated or shutdown, you can't access insight. The amygdala has taken over, and the prefrontal cortex is offline.

Case Study: James & The Inaccessible Toolbox

The Scenario: James, 35, is in therapy learning ADHD management strategies (calendar system, breaking tasks into steps, etc.). His therapist is frustrated because James "knows what to do but doesn't do it."

What's Actually Happening: James also has developmental trauma from critical parenting. When he faces a task, his nervous system activates (fear of failure → shame spiral → dysregulation). Once dysregulated, his prefrontal cortex shuts down.
The Paradox: The strategies his therapist taught him are sitting in his "toolbox," but he can't access them because his nervous system is outside his window of tolerance.
Ineffective Approach: Therapist keeps teaching more strategies: "You know how to make a calendar. Why aren't you using them?"
Effective Approach: Therapist recognizes that James is dysregulated BEFORE attempting to access strategies. Treatment priorities shift:
  1. First: Help James recognize when leaving his window of tolerance
  2. Second: Teach grounding techniques to return to window (somatic regulation)
  3. Third: EMDR to process the shame memories driving activation
  4. Fourth: Once regulated, teach strategies
  5. Fifth: Practice strategies while regulated
8️⃣ The Physiology of Trauma: Brain, Nervous System & Why Talking Alone Isn't Enough
What Happens When Threat Is Perceived
  1. Amygdala (threat detector) activates
  2. Mobilizes entire body: "Prepare to fight, flee, or freeze"
  3. Redirects ALL resources to survival response
  4. Prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) shuts down (not needed for survival)
  5. Person acts on impulse, not insight

📖 The Amygdala (Definition)

Amygdala is an almond-shaped structure in the limbic system (brain's emotional center) responsible for:

  • Threat detection and danger assessment
  • Fear responses and emotional memory
  • Triggering fight-or-flight activation when danger is perceived
  • Rapid response (processes threats faster than conscious thought)

The Result: Why Talk Therapy Alone Isn't Enough

  • You cannot think clearly about the situation
  • You cannot access logical reasoning
  • You cannot remember that "this isn't actually dangerous"
  • You cannot be talked out of the reaction

This is why insight-oriented or talk-based therapy alone often fails to create lasting change when trauma is stored in the nervous system and body. You can intellectually understand your patterns, but when activated, you cannot access that understanding.

9️⃣ EMDR: What It Is, How It Works, Why It's Different

📖 EMDR – Definition & Core Concepts

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based psychotherapy protocol developed by Francine Shapiro in 1987. It involves:

  • Bilateral Stimulation: Alternating left-right stimulation (visual, auditory, tactile)
  • Trauma Memory Activation: Client focuses on traumatic memory while receiving stimulation
  • Adaptive Processing: Brain's natural information processing is facilitated
  • Desensitization: Emotional charge of memory decreases (memory remains, but reaction changes)
The Core Mechanism: Bilateral Stimulation

Bilateral stimulation mimics what happens during REM sleep (when dreams happen and the brain processes daily information). During REM, eyes move rapidly side-to-side. This bilateral stimulation appears to facilitate memory processing.

Forms of Bilateral Stimulation (EMDR Is Flexible)

  • Visual (Original Method): Therapist moves fingers or dot from side to side; client follows with eyes
  • Tactile: Client holds two buzzers and feels alternating vibrations between hands
  • Auditory: Alternating tones in headphones
  • Tapping: Butterfly taps or alternating taps on thighs
Why Bilateral Stimulation Works

When trauma occurs, the brain cannot process the experience normally. The memory gets "stuck"—encoded in a fragmented, disorganized way. The nervous system stays on alert, trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense.

Bilateral Stimulation Appears To:

  • Activate both brain hemispheres
  • Facilitate the brain's natural adaptive processing
  • Allow reprocessing of the stuck memory
  • Reorganize it as successfully processed, past information

📖 Adaptive Information Processing Model

This model, developed by Francine Shapiro, proposes that:

  • Traumatic experiences are stored in an unprocessed, fragmented way
  • This unprocessed storage keeps the nervous system activated
  • Bilateral stimulation facilitates neural reprocessing
  • Memory becomes adaptively stored (integrated) rather than stuck
  • Nervous system recognizes: "That was then, this is now"
How Normal Processing Works vs. Trauma

Normal Information Processing:

  • Something happens → Brain processes it → Files it away as "that happened, it's in the past" → Nervous system returns to baseline

With Trauma:

  • Something overwhelming happens → Brain cannot process it → Memory stays fragmented → Nervous system stays activated, treating it as "current danger"
🔟 How EMDR Supports ADHD + Trauma: Reducing Reactivity & Enabling Strategy Use
What EMDR Actually Changes (And Doesn't Change)

✅ What EMDR DOES:

  • Reduces emotional reactivity to trauma memories
  • Processes shame-based memories and core beliefs
  • Improves nervous system flexibility
  • Enables ADHD strategies to work more effectively
  • Increases self-compassion and reduces shame
  • Allows pause response (rather than automatic reaction)

❌ What EMDR DOES NOT:

  • Cure ADHD (neurobiological, not fixable, but manageable)
  • Replace medication or skills training
  • Change the ADHD brain's anatomy (you still have ADHD)
  • Erase memories (memory stays; emotional charge decreases)

🚗 The Useful Analogy: Ferrari with Bicycle Brakes

Think of ADHD as "a Ferrari with bicycle brakes." The brain is incredibly powerful, fast, creative, but executive functioning (the brakes) can't keep up. The result is scattered, impulsive, overwhelmed.

Now add trauma. The nervous system is also traumatized, dysregulated, reactive. The "brakes" get even worse.

When EMDR processes the trauma:

  • The nervous system becomes more regulated (brakes improve)
  • Emotional reactivity decreases (more space between stimulus and response)
  • ADHD strategies become more accessible and usable
  • The person can actually implement the tools they've learned
1️⃣1️⃣ The Shame-Trauma-ADHD Nexus: Why This Matters
The Adult ADHD Realization Journey
  • ① Realization: "So THAT'S why I struggled in school, why I can't focus, why I'm so emotional"
  • ② Relief: "Finally, there's a reason. I'm not just broken."
  • ③ Grief: "If only I'd known earlier. How many opportunities did I miss?"

The grief is real and significant. Many adults with undiagnosed ADHD have internalized deep shame through a progression: "I'm stupid" → "I'm lazy" → "I'm irresponsible" → "I'm fundamentally broken."

🔍 Key Understanding

These aren't just thoughts. They're nervous system convictions formed through repeated experiences of failure (not because they're incapable, but because their neurology wasn't supported).

Why Shame Persists & What EMDR Changes

The Shame Cycle (How It Gets Locked In)

  1. ADHD Trait: Difficulty focusing, organizing, following through
  2. Environmental Response: Criticism, punishment, labeling ("lazy," "not trying")
  3. Internalized Belief: "There's something wrong with me"
  4. Nervous System Impact: Shame becomes encoded at the system level
  5. Present-Day: Every ADHD symptom is filtered through shame

🔍 What EMDR Does Differently

By reprocessing the traumatic memories (school failure, criticism, rejection, invalidation), the nervous system reorganizes those memories. They no longer carry the same emotional charge or certainty.

Result:

  • Client can intellectually understand AND nervous system can believe: "I have ADHD. That's not a character flaw."
  • ADHD symptoms no longer trigger automatic shame
  • Client can pause and respond instead of automatically reacting
  • Self-compassion becomes possible
  • Authentic identity can emerge (not defined by shame)
1️⃣2️⃣ Therapeutic Integration: How Alexandra Combines EMDR with Other Modalities

📖 Modality (Definition)

Modality refers to a particular method or mode of treatment in therapy. In mental health:

  • Each modality has specific techniques and theoretical foundations
  • Different modalities work better for different people and situations
  • Integration of modalities often produces better outcomes than single-modality approach

🧭 Green Path Psychotherapy Integrates:

  • EMDR – Trauma reprocessing and memory desensitization
  • Internal Family Systems (IFS) – Working with internal parts and protectors
  • Sensorimotor Psychotherapy – Body-based trauma processing
  • Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) – Processing emotions in safe relational context
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – Skill-building and cognitive reframing
  • Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET) – Making meaning of trauma narrative
1️⃣3️⃣ Clinical Implementation & Important Considerations
The EMDR Treatment Timeline
  • Simpler Trauma (Single Incident): Can resolve in 2-3 reprocessing sessions (plus prep); total treatment 2-4 weeks
  • Complex Trauma (Repeated/Developmental): Can take months or longer; many target memories; each may trigger associations
First Session: Comprehensive Assessment
  • ① Attachment History: Comprehensive as client is comfortable; assessing relationships and early experiences
  • ② Safety Assessment: Current safety status (housing, abuse, addiction); level of stability needed
  • ③ Dissociation Screening: Assessing frequency and severity; determining if grounding work comes first
  • ④ Resourcing (Grounding): Teaching and practicing grounding techniques; client practices at home
  • ⑤ Psychoeducation: Explaining trauma, nervous system, EMDR process; setting expectations

⚠️ Why No Rushing?

Rushing into reprocessing when the nervous system isn't ready can actually be harmful:

  • Could increase dysregulation
  • Could traumatize further (being retraumatized by therapy itself)
  • Could lead to client quitting therapy
  • Could make EMDR seem ineffective (when it wasn't done properly)
1️⃣4️⃣ Key Takeaways & Implications for Practice

✅ Takeaway #1: Trauma and ADHD Frequently Overlap

Up to 28-36% of people with ADHD have comorbid PTSD, yet this overlap is often unrecognized. Recognition is the first step to appropriate treatment.

✅ Takeaway #2: EMDR Works at the Nervous System Level

EMDR operates at the nervous system level, not just the cognitive level. For people with trauma + ADHD, this can be genuinely life-changing. 65.5% of EMDR-treated PTSD patients lost their diagnostic status post-treatment.

✅ Takeaway #3: Integration and Pacing Are Essential

Rushed trauma therapy can retraumatize. The best approach combines multiple modalities and respects client readiness.

✅ Takeaway #4: Window of Tolerance Is Central to Treatment

Coping skills and strategies are only accessible when the nervous system is within the window of tolerance. Regulation must come first.

✅ Takeaway #5: Shame Is Treatable

Shame can be healed through processing the traumatic memories that created it. As shame decreases, self-compassion and authentic identity emerge.

1️⃣5️⃣ Resources & Next Steps
Green Path Psychotherapy

Website: https://greenpathpsychotherapy.com

Email: [email protected]

Location: West End, Toronto

Specializations: EMDR, ADHD + Trauma, Complex PTSD, Anxiety, Depression

Toronto Sober Living Network

Weekly Sessions: Fridays 7:00 PM EST (Free Zoom)

Website: https://soberlivingnetwork.org

Email: [email protected]

Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

TSLN Event Summary: Alexandra Canzonieri "EMDR for Adults with ADHD: Untangling Trauma from Neurodivergence"

Toronto Sober Living Network | Friday, January 23, 2026 | 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM EST

TSLN Event Summary: EMDR for Adults with ADHD
Toronto Sober Living Network

🧠 EMDR for Adults with ADHD

Friday, January 23, 2026 | 7:00 PM – 8:30 PM EST
📋 Event Overview

Title: EMDR for Adults with ADHD: Untangling Trauma from Neurodivergence

  • Interactive clinical education and discussion
  • 30+ participants: mental health professionals, individuals in recovery, family members
  • Focus: Understanding the critical intersection of ADHD and trauma
  • Evidence-based approach to treatment and healing

Why This Session Matters

Many individuals present with what appears to be ADHD symptoms, only to discover that unprocessed trauma is significantly amplifying or mimicking those symptoms. Understanding this overlap is essential for accurate diagnosis, appropriate treatment selection, and meaningful recovery outcomes.

📊 Key Research Findings
28-36% of adults with ADHD meet criteria for comorbid PTSD or trauma-related conditions
44% of adults with ADHD report childhood trauma history
80% of adults with ADHD have at least one comorbid psychiatric disorder
70% of adults with ADHD report heightened rejection sensitivity and emotional pain
65.5% of EMDR-treated patients with PTSD lost their diagnostic status post-treatment
👩‍⚕️ Speaker: Alexandra Canzonieri, MA, RP, CCC

Professional Background

Alexandra is a Registered Psychotherapist with 8+ years of clinical experience across psychiatric settings, addiction services, family agencies, and private practice. She is the founder of Green Path Psychotherapy, a trauma-informed clinic in Toronto's West End.

Education & Certifications:
  • MA, Counselling Psychology – Western University
  • Registered Psychotherapist (RP) – College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario
  • Certified Clinical Counselor (CCC)
  • Specialized Training: EMDR, IFS, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, EFT, Narrative Exposure Therapy

Clinical Observation

Approximately 90% of her current caseload presents with ADHD symptoms, and in many cases, therapeutic work either helps clients get properly diagnosed or reveals that trauma was the primary driver of their symptoms.

🎯 Core Topics Covered

① Understanding ADHD

Neurobiology, life impact, and the underdiagnosis crisis affecting 90% of the population

② What Is Trauma?

Redefining trauma beyond events; understanding nervous system response and three types of trauma

③ The ADHD-Trauma Overlap

How symptoms mirror and differentiate; dissociation vs. distraction; rejection sensitivity

④ Window of Tolerance

Why regulation is everything; nervous system states and why coping skills become inaccessible

⑤ Brain & Nervous System Physiology

Why talking alone isn't enough; amygdala activation and information processing

⑥ EMDR: What & How

Evidence-based mechanism; bilateral stimulation; adaptive information processing model

⑦ EMDR for ADHD+Trauma

Reducing emotional reactivity; enabling strategy use; common treatment targets

⑧ Clinical Implementation

Session structure, timeline, modifications for ADHD clients, and important limitations

💔 The Shame-Trauma-ADHD Nexus

Why This Intersection Matters

Most adults diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood report a similar emotional journey:

  • Realization: "So THAT'S why I struggled..."
  • Relief: "Finally, there's a reason. I'm not just broken."
  • Grief: "If only I'd known earlier..."

When ADHD and trauma are properly understood and treated, people stop blaming themselves for neurological differences, understand their trauma responses as protective (not pathological), develop genuine self-compassion, and access strategies that actually work.

🔄 Therapeutic Integration Approach

EMDR is powerful, but it's not a solitary solution. Alexandra's approach integrates multiple evidence-based modalities:

  • EMDR – Trauma reprocessing and memory desensitization
  • Internal Family Systems (IFS) – Working with internal parts and protectors
  • Sensorimotor Psychotherapy – Body-based trauma processing
  • Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) – Processing emotions in safe relational context
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – Skill-building and cognitive reframing
  • Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET) – Making meaning of trauma narrative
✨ Key Takeaways
  • Trauma and ADHD Frequently Overlap: Up to 28-36% of people with ADHD have comorbid PTSD, yet this overlap is often unrecognized
  • Shame Is Central: Many adults internalize deep shame about ADHD symptoms that aren't recognized as neurological differences
  • EMDR Works Differently: It operates at the nervous system level, not just the cognitive level, allowing lasting change
  • Integration & Pacing Matter: Rushed trauma therapy can retraumatize; the best approach respects client readiness
  • Window of Tolerance Is Key: Strategies become inaccessible when outside the window; regulation must come first
  • Healing Is Possible: When ADHD and trauma are properly treated, authentic recovery and self-compassion emerge
🌍 Resources & Next Steps
Green Path Psychotherapy

Website: https://greenpathpsychotherapy.com

Email: [email protected]

Location: West End, Toronto

Specializations: EMDR, ADHD + Trauma, Complex PTSD, Anxiety, Depression

Toronto Sober Living Network

Weekly Sessions: Fridays 7:00 PM EST (Free Zoom)

Website: https://soberlivingnetwork.org

Email: [email protected]

Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

Ready to Learn More?

Access the complete Enhanced eBook with interactive reflection tools, detailed case studies, and comprehensive research.

TSLN Detailed Summary: EMDR for Adults with ADHD
Toronto Sober Living Network

🧠 EMDR for Adults with ADHD

Untangling Trauma from Neurodivergence
📅 Friday, January 23, 2026
⏰ 7:00 PM – 8:30 PM EST
👥 30+ Participants
🔴 Live Zoom Session

📚 Table of Contents

  1. Event Overview & Significance
  2. About Alexandra Canzonieri
  3. Current Research & Statistics
  4. Understanding ADHD: Neurobiology & Impact
  5. What Is Trauma? Beyond Events
  6. The ADHD-Trauma Overlap
  7. Window of Tolerance & Regulation
  8. Brain Physiology & Nervous System
  9. EMDR: What It Is & How It Works
  10. EMDR for ADHD + Trauma
  11. The Shame-Trauma-ADHD Nexus
  12. Therapeutic Integration Approach
  13. Clinical Implementation & Considerations
  14. Key Takeaways & Implications
  15. Resources & Next Steps
1️⃣ Event Overview & Significance

The January 23, 2026 Toronto Sober Living Network (TSLN) session represented a critical educational milestone in understanding one of modern mental health's most overlooked intersections: the relationship between ADHD, trauma, and the nervous system. This 90-minute live Zoom event brought together mental health professionals, individuals in recovery, and family members to explore how trauma and ADHD frequently co-occur and how evidence-based treatment like EMDR can support healing.

🔍 Why This Intersection Matters

Many individuals present with what appears to be ADHD symptoms, only to discover that unprocessed trauma is significantly amplifying or mimicking those symptoms. Understanding this overlap is essential for:

  • Accurate diagnosis and assessment
  • Appropriate treatment selection
  • Meaningful recovery outcomes
  • Reducing shame and self-blame
  • Building comprehensive trauma-informed care
30+ Participants representing diverse backgrounds, including mental health professionals, individuals in active recovery, family members, and community advocates
90 Minutes of clinical education and interactive discussion
8 Core Topics covering ADHD neurobiology, trauma types, nervous system physiology, EMDR mechanism, and clinical implementation
100% Free as part of TSLN's commitment to accessible community education
2️⃣ About the Speaker: Alexandra Canzonieri, MA, RP, CCC

Professional Identity & Expertise

Alexandra Canzonieri is a Registered Psychotherapist (RP) with a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology from Western University and 8+ years of clinical experience across diverse, complex settings. She is the founder and clinical director of Green Path Psychotherapy, a trauma-informed psychotherapy practice in Toronto's West End.

Education & Certifications
  • MA, Counselling Psychology – Western University
  • Registered Psychotherapist (RP) – College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario (CRPO)
  • Certified Clinical Counselor (CCC)
  • Specialized Training: EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET)
Clinical Background & Experience

Settings & Expertise:

  • Psychiatric Settings: Complex cases requiring medication coordination and psychiatric management
  • Addiction Services: Deep understanding of trauma-substance abuse connections
  • Family Service Agencies: Work with children, adolescents, and family systems
  • Private Practice: Individualized, intensive trauma-informed psychotherapy

🔍 Clinical Observation

Alexandra notes that approximately 90% of her current caseload presents with ADHD symptoms. In many cases, therapeutic work either helps clients get properly diagnosed or reveals that trauma was the primary driver of their symptoms. This high prevalence in her practice reflects the broader population trend of ADHD underdiagnosis and unrecognized trauma-ADHD comorbidity.

3️⃣ Current Research & Statistics

ADHD-Trauma Comorbidity

28-36% of adults with ADHD meet criteria for comorbid PTSD or trauma-related conditions
44% of adults with ADHD report a history of childhood trauma
85% of adults with ADHD and PTSD have childhood trauma in their history

Broader Comorbidity Patterns

80% of adults with ADHD have at least one comorbid psychiatric disorder
10% of people with ADHD are diagnosed and treated (90% remain undiagnosed)
7 years reduction in lifespan with untreated ADHD due to accidents, risky behaviors, and chronic stress

EMDR Treatment Efficacy

65.5% of EMDR-treated PTSD patients lost their PTSD diagnostic status post-treatment
73.1% maintained treatment gains at follow-up assessment
5.1% dropout rate during EMDR treatment (indicating strong client engagement)
4️⃣ Understanding ADHD: Neurobiology & Life Impact

📖 What Is ADHD? (Clinical Definition)

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is a persistent neurodevelopmental condition characterized by:

  • Executive Function Deficits: Difficulty with planning, organization, impulse control, time management
  • Neurobiological Basis: Differences in how the neurodivergent brain processes dopamine and norepinephrine (neurotransmitters related to motivation and attention)
  • Lifespan Presentation: Begins in childhood, persists through adulthood
  • NOT Behavioral: It's neurological, not a character flaw
How ADHD Manifests in Adults

Common Adult Presentations:

  • Chronic Overwhelm: Feeling constantly flooded by tasks, expectations, sensory input
  • Time Blindness: Difficulty perceiving time; losing hours without awareness
  • Emotional Reactivity: Rapid emotional escalation, difficulty returning to baseline
  • Prioritization Difficulty: Everything feels urgent and important simultaneously
  • Deep Shame: Related to perceived productivity failures and "not being enough"

📖 Time Blindness (Specific Definition)

Time Blindness is the neurological inability to intuitively perceive the passage of time. People with ADHD may:

  • Underestimate how long tasks will take
  • Not realize hours have passed while engaged in activity
  • Struggle with punctuality despite best intentions
  • Miss deadlines because "time just disappeared"

This is NOT laziness or poor planning; it's a neurological difference in how the brain processes temporal information.

Case Study: Sarah & Time Blindness

The Scenario: Sarah, 34, is a high-performing professional who is frequently late to meetings, much to her embarrassment and her boss's frustration.

What Her Boss Sees: Irresponsible. Not taking her job seriously. Poor time management.
What's Actually Happening: Sarah has ADHD time blindness. She started working on a project, became hyperfocused, and genuinely did not perceive that an hour had passed. Additionally, she internalized years of parental criticism ("Why are you always late? You're so irresponsible"), which creates shame activation in her nervous system. This shame actually IMPAIRS her ability to think clearly about solutions.
Clinical Insight: Treating Sarah's "time management problem" with better planners won't work if the underlying shame and trauma aren't addressed. EMDR processing of her early criticism memories can reduce the shame activation, which then allows her executive functioning strategies to actually work.
5️⃣ What Is Trauma? Redefining Beyond Events

🔍 The Critical Distinction

"Trauma does not equate to experiencing a significant life event. Trauma is defined not by the event itself, but by the nervous system's response to that threat."

Trauma is determined by the nervous system's processing capacity at the time, not the objective severity of the event.

📖 What Is Trauma? (Clinical Definition)

Trauma is the result of an experience (single or repeated) that exceeds an individual's capacity to process and integrate it. Key elements:

  • Event or Experience: That is threatening or overwhelming
  • Nervous System Overwhelm: The person's coping resources are insufficient for the challenge
  • Failure to Process: The experience becomes "stuck" in memory rather than being integrated
  • Persistent Nervous System Activation: The body/nervous system continues to treat the past threat as present danger
Three Types of Trauma
Trauma Type Characteristics Clinical Implications
Single-Incident Trauma One significant event: car accident, assault, medical emergency. Discrete, bounded, can often be pinpointed to specific moment. Often more straightforward to process, though impact can be profound. Clear memory anchors for treatment.
Chronic Stress/Repeated Trauma Ongoing threatening situations: chronic illness, war zone living, repeated abuse. System is constantly activated, never gets true relief. More complex because nervous system never learned safety. May involve multiple trauma targets.
Developmental/Complex Trauma Early relational injuries during sensitive developmental periods: emotional neglect, chronic criticism, inconsistent caregiving. Shapes identity and core beliefs. Often requires extensive work to rebuild sense of self and safety. Impacts attachment and relationship patterns.

Case Study: Marcus & The "Lazy" Label

The Scenario: Marcus, now 42, was labeled as "lazy" and "not reaching his potential" throughout childhood. His ADHD went undiagnosed until age 38.

Childhood Reality: Marcus had significant attention regulation challenges, struggled to organize homework, and often forgot assignments. His parents interpreted this as not caring enough. He received constant criticism and comparison to siblings.
Nervous System Encoding: At age 9, Marcus's nervous system learned: "I am inadequate. I don't try hard enough. I'm broken compared to my siblings."
Adult Presentation (Pre-Diagnosis): At 38, Marcus is successful professionally but plagued by perfectionism and anxiety. He overworks to compensate for what he still believes is his inherent laziness. When he makes a mistake, it triggers intense shame.
With EMDR Processing: Marcus reprocesses the childhood criticism memories. His nervous system finally learns: "That wasn't about being lazy. My brain is wired differently. The criticism was a misunderstanding, not truth about who I am."
Result: The same ADHD challenges remain, but they no longer trigger the same shame spiral, allowing Marcus to respond rather than react.
6️⃣ The ADHD-Trauma Overlap: Surface Similarities, Crucial Differences
Symptom Overlap: Why Diagnosis Is Tricky
Symptom In Trauma In ADHD Why It Matters
Inattention Dissociation (checking out) Difficulty focusing (executive issue) Different cause → different treatment
Hyperactivity Hypervigilance (on alert) Excess energy/need for movement One is protective; one is neurological
Impulsivity Fight-or-flight reaction Poor impulse control Regulatory vs. executive functioning
Emotional Dysregulation Triggered reactivity Difficulty with emotion intensity Event-based vs. inherent wiring

📖 Dissociation vs. Distraction: Critical Distinction

Distraction (ADHD):

  • Attention shifts naturally to more interesting stimulus
  • Person is aware it happened ("Oh, I got sidetracked")
  • Easy to bring person back ("Hey, let's refocus")
  • Neurological; related to dopamine and novelty-seeking

Dissociation (Trauma):

  • Automatic protective shutdown of awareness
  • Person may not realize it happened ("How did it get to 5pm?")
  • Much harder to retrieve; requires therapeutic techniques
  • Characterized by depersonalization or derealization

📖 Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): The ADHD Piece That Looks Like Trauma

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is a trait common in ADHD characterized by extreme emotional pain in response to perceived or actual rejection, criticism, or failure. Key features:

  • Rapid Activation: Perceive disapproval almost instantly
  • Intense Experience: Much stronger than the situational response would suggest
  • Personal Interpretation: Tend to interpret criticism as personal attack, not constructive feedback
  • Physiological Response: Triggers fight-or-flight activation
  • Extended Recovery: Takes much longer than others to return to baseline emotional state

Case Study: Keisha & The Collision of RSD + Trauma

The Scenario: Keisha, 28, has ADHD with significant Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. She also experienced chronic criticism from her mother throughout childhood.

ADHD Baseline: Keisha naturally perceives disapproval more quickly and feels it more intensely than others.
Trauma Layer: Her childhood was filled with harsh criticism and conditional love ("I'd be proud of you if you just tried harder").
Current Manifestation: When her boss gives constructive feedback on a project, Keisha's nervous system interprets it as:
  1. Immediate perception of disapproval (RSD + ADHD)
  2. Activation of childhood shame (trauma)
  3. Rapid cascade into shame spiral
  4. Physiological symptoms: heart racing, difficulty breathing, urge to escape
With Integrated Understanding: Her therapist recognizes that both the RSD and the trauma need addressing. EMDR helps reduce the trauma response. Skills training helps her recognize and manage the RSD in real-time.
Result: Keisha can still receive feedback (still has ADHD + RSD), but it no longer cascades into a multi-hour dysregulation episode.
7️⃣ Window of Tolerance: Why Regulation Is Everything

📖 Window of Tolerance (Definition)

Window of Tolerance is the zone of arousal in which the nervous system can function optimally. Within this window:

  • Prefrontal cortex (rational thinking) is online
  • Amygdala (threat detector) is in check
  • Body feels calm and alert simultaneously
  • Thinking, learning, problem-solving possible
  • Emotional regulation accessible

Within the Window, You Can:

  • Think clearly (prefrontal cortex is online)
  • Access coping skills and strategies
  • Regulate emotions
  • Respond (rather than react) to situations
  • Learn and process information
Outside the Window: Two Directions of Dysregulation

☝️ Above the Window (Hyperarousal/Sympathetic Activation)

  • Fight-or-flight response activated
  • Amygdala (threat detector) is screaming
  • Prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) shuts down
  • Experience: Anxiety, irritability, hypervigilance, racing thoughts, overwhelm, rage
  • Analogy: Driving on a highway with foot pressed hard on gas pedal; moving fast but have little control

👇 Below the Window (Hypoarousal/Dorsal Shutdown)

  • Freeze response activated
  • System goes into conservation mode
  • Experience: Numbness, dissociation, depression, fatigue, shutdown, disconnection
  • Analogy: Car in park with engine off; safe but unable to move forward
For Adults with ADHD + Trauma

The Window Is Typically Much Narrower

  • Gets Activated More Quickly: Even minor stressors trigger big responses
  • Intensity Is Magnified: When activated, the reaction is much more intense
  • Recovery Takes Longer: Takes longer to return to baseline after activation

🔍 Critical Clinical Insight

When outside the window of tolerance, your coping skills and strategies become inaccessible. You literally cannot use them.

This is why talk therapy and behavioral strategies alone often fail: they require the person to be IN their window. If someone is activated or shutdown, you can't access insight. The amygdala has taken over, and the prefrontal cortex is offline.

Case Study: James & The Inaccessible Toolbox

The Scenario: James, 35, is in therapy learning ADHD management strategies (calendar system, breaking tasks into steps, etc.). His therapist is frustrated because James "knows what to do but doesn't do it."

What's Actually Happening: James also has developmental trauma from critical parenting. When he faces a task, his nervous system activates (fear of failure → shame spiral → dysregulation). Once dysregulated, his prefrontal cortex shuts down.
The Paradox: The strategies his therapist taught him are sitting in his "toolbox," but he can't access them because his nervous system is outside his window of tolerance.
Ineffective Approach: Therapist keeps teaching more strategies: "You know how to make a calendar. Why aren't you using them?"
Effective Approach: Therapist recognizes that James is dysregulated BEFORE attempting to access strategies. Treatment priorities shift:
  1. First: Help James recognize when leaving his window of tolerance
  2. Second: Teach grounding techniques to return to window (somatic regulation)
  3. Third: EMDR to process the shame memories driving activation
  4. Fourth: Once regulated, teach strategies
  5. Fifth: Practice strategies while regulated
8️⃣ The Physiology of Trauma: Brain, Nervous System & Why Talking Alone Isn't Enough
What Happens When Threat Is Perceived
  1. Amygdala (threat detector) activates
  2. Mobilizes entire body: "Prepare to fight, flee, or freeze"
  3. Redirects ALL resources to survival response
  4. Prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) shuts down (not needed for survival)
  5. Person acts on impulse, not insight

📖 The Amygdala (Definition)

Amygdala is an almond-shaped structure in the limbic system (brain's emotional center) responsible for:

  • Threat detection and danger assessment
  • Fear responses and emotional memory
  • Triggering fight-or-flight activation when danger is perceived
  • Rapid response (processes threats faster than conscious thought)

The Result: Why Talk Therapy Alone Isn't Enough

  • You cannot think clearly about the situation
  • You cannot access logical reasoning
  • You cannot remember that "this isn't actually dangerous"
  • You cannot be talked out of the reaction

This is why insight-oriented or talk-based therapy alone often fails to create lasting change when trauma is stored in the nervous system and body. You can intellectually understand your patterns, but when activated, you cannot access that understanding.

9️⃣ EMDR: What It Is, How It Works, Why It's Different

📖 EMDR – Definition & Core Concepts

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based psychotherapy protocol developed by Francine Shapiro in 1987. It involves:

  • Bilateral Stimulation: Alternating left-right stimulation (visual, auditory, tactile)
  • Trauma Memory Activation: Client focuses on traumatic memory while receiving stimulation
  • Adaptive Processing: Brain's natural information processing is facilitated
  • Desensitization: Emotional charge of memory decreases (memory remains, but reaction changes)
The Core Mechanism: Bilateral Stimulation

Bilateral stimulation mimics what happens during REM sleep (when dreams happen and the brain processes daily information). During REM, eyes move rapidly side-to-side. This bilateral stimulation appears to facilitate memory processing.

Forms of Bilateral Stimulation (EMDR Is Flexible)

  • Visual (Original Method): Therapist moves fingers or dot from side to side; client follows with eyes
  • Tactile: Client holds two buzzers and feels alternating vibrations between hands
  • Auditory: Alternating tones in headphones
  • Tapping: Butterfly taps or alternating taps on thighs
Why Bilateral Stimulation Works

When trauma occurs, the brain cannot process the experience normally. The memory gets "stuck"—encoded in a fragmented, disorganized way. The nervous system stays on alert, trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense.

Bilateral Stimulation Appears To:

  • Activate both brain hemispheres
  • Facilitate the brain's natural adaptive processing
  • Allow reprocessing of the stuck memory
  • Reorganize it as successfully processed, past information

📖 Adaptive Information Processing Model

This model, developed by Francine Shapiro, proposes that:

  • Traumatic experiences are stored in an unprocessed, fragmented way
  • This unprocessed storage keeps the nervous system activated
  • Bilateral stimulation facilitates neural reprocessing
  • Memory becomes adaptively stored (integrated) rather than stuck
  • Nervous system recognizes: "That was then, this is now"
How Normal Processing Works vs. Trauma

Normal Information Processing:

  • Something happens → Brain processes it → Files it away as "that happened, it's in the past" → Nervous system returns to baseline

With Trauma:

  • Something overwhelming happens → Brain cannot process it → Memory stays fragmented → Nervous system stays activated, treating it as "current danger"
🔟 How EMDR Supports ADHD + Trauma: Reducing Reactivity & Enabling Strategy Use
What EMDR Actually Changes (And Doesn't Change)

✅ What EMDR DOES:

  • Reduces emotional reactivity to trauma memories
  • Processes shame-based memories and core beliefs
  • Improves nervous system flexibility
  • Enables ADHD strategies to work more effectively
  • Increases self-compassion and reduces shame
  • Allows pause response (rather than automatic reaction)

❌ What EMDR DOES NOT:

  • Cure ADHD (neurobiological, not fixable, but manageable)
  • Replace medication or skills training
  • Change the ADHD brain's anatomy (you still have ADHD)
  • Erase memories (memory stays; emotional charge decreases)

🚗 The Useful Analogy: Ferrari with Bicycle Brakes

Think of ADHD as "a Ferrari with bicycle brakes." The brain is incredibly powerful, fast, creative, but executive functioning (the brakes) can't keep up. The result is scattered, impulsive, overwhelmed.

Now add trauma. The nervous system is also traumatized, dysregulated, reactive. The "brakes" get even worse.

When EMDR processes the trauma:

  • The nervous system becomes more regulated (brakes improve)
  • Emotional reactivity decreases (more space between stimulus and response)
  • ADHD strategies become more accessible and usable
  • The person can actually implement the tools they've learned
1️⃣1️⃣ The Shame-Trauma-ADHD Nexus: Why This Matters
The Adult ADHD Realization Journey
  • ① Realization: "So THAT'S why I struggled in school, why I can't focus, why I'm so emotional"
  • ② Relief: "Finally, there's a reason. I'm not just broken."
  • ③ Grief: "If only I'd known earlier. How many opportunities did I miss?"

The grief is real and significant. Many adults with undiagnosed ADHD have internalized deep shame through a progression: "I'm stupid" → "I'm lazy" → "I'm irresponsible" → "I'm fundamentally broken."

🔍 Key Understanding

These aren't just thoughts. They're nervous system convictions formed through repeated experiences of failure (not because they're incapable, but because their neurology wasn't supported).

Why Shame Persists & What EMDR Changes

The Shame Cycle (How It Gets Locked In)

  1. ADHD Trait: Difficulty focusing, organizing, following through
  2. Environmental Response: Criticism, punishment, labeling ("lazy," "not trying")
  3. Internalized Belief: "There's something wrong with me"
  4. Nervous System Impact: Shame becomes encoded at the system level
  5. Present-Day: Every ADHD symptom is filtered through shame

🔍 What EMDR Does Differently

By reprocessing the traumatic memories (school failure, criticism, rejection, invalidation), the nervous system reorganizes those memories. They no longer carry the same emotional charge or certainty.

Result:

  • Client can intellectually understand AND nervous system can believe: "I have ADHD. That's not a character flaw."
  • ADHD symptoms no longer trigger automatic shame
  • Client can pause and respond instead of automatically reacting
  • Self-compassion becomes possible
  • Authentic identity can emerge (not defined by shame)
1️⃣2️⃣ Therapeutic Integration: How Alexandra Combines EMDR with Other Modalities

📖 Modality (Definition)

Modality refers to a particular method or mode of treatment in therapy. In mental health:

  • Each modality has specific techniques and theoretical foundations
  • Different modalities work better for different people and situations
  • Integration of modalities often produces better outcomes than single-modality approach

🧭 Green Path Psychotherapy Integrates:

  • EMDR – Trauma reprocessing and memory desensitization
  • Internal Family Systems (IFS) – Working with internal parts and protectors
  • Sensorimotor Psychotherapy – Body-based trauma processing
  • Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) – Processing emotions in safe relational context
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – Skill-building and cognitive reframing
  • Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET) – Making meaning of trauma narrative
1️⃣3️⃣ Clinical Implementation & Important Considerations
The EMDR Treatment Timeline
  • Simpler Trauma (Single Incident): Can resolve in 2-3 reprocessing sessions (plus prep); total treatment 2-4 weeks
  • Complex Trauma (Repeated/Developmental): Can take months or longer; many target memories; each may trigger associations
First Session: Comprehensive Assessment
  • ① Attachment History: Comprehensive as client is comfortable; assessing relationships and early experiences
  • ② Safety Assessment: Current safety status (housing, abuse, addiction); level of stability needed
  • ③ Dissociation Screening: Assessing frequency and severity; determining if grounding work comes first
  • ④ Resourcing (Grounding): Teaching and practicing grounding techniques; client practices at home
  • ⑤ Psychoeducation: Explaining trauma, nervous system, EMDR process; setting expectations

⚠️ Why No Rushing?

Rushing into reprocessing when the nervous system isn't ready can actually be harmful:

  • Could increase dysregulation
  • Could traumatize further (being retraumatized by therapy itself)
  • Could lead to client quitting therapy
  • Could make EMDR seem ineffective (when it wasn't done properly)
1️⃣4️⃣ Key Takeaways & Implications for Practice

✅ Takeaway #1: Trauma and ADHD Frequently Overlap

Up to 28-36% of people with ADHD have comorbid PTSD, yet this overlap is often unrecognized. Recognition is the first step to appropriate treatment.

✅ Takeaway #2: EMDR Works at the Nervous System Level

EMDR operates at the nervous system level, not just the cognitive level. For people with trauma + ADHD, this can be genuinely life-changing. 65.5% of EMDR-treated PTSD patients lost their diagnostic status post-treatment.

✅ Takeaway #3: Integration and Pacing Are Essential

Rushed trauma therapy can retraumatize. The best approach combines multiple modalities and respects client readiness.

✅ Takeaway #4: Window of Tolerance Is Central to Treatment

Coping skills and strategies are only accessible when the nervous system is within the window of tolerance. Regulation must come first.

✅ Takeaway #5: Shame Is Treatable

Shame can be healed through processing the traumatic memories that created it. As shame decreases, self-compassion and authentic identity emerge.

1️⃣5️⃣ Resources & Next Steps
Green Path Psychotherapy

Website: https://greenpathpsychotherapy.com

Email: [email protected]

Location: West End, Toronto

Specializations: EMDR, ADHD + Trauma, Complex PTSD, Anxiety, Depression

Toronto Sober Living Network

Weekly Sessions: Fridays 7:00 PM EST (Free Zoom)

Website: https://soberlivingnetwork.org

Email: [email protected]

Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

NYSLN Event Summary: Chad Johnson's "Being Available, Showing Up, and Service in Recovery"

New York Sober Living Network | Tuesday, January 20, 2026 | 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

📋 Quick Overview

Event: Being Available, Showing Up, and Service in Recovery
Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2026
Time: 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST
Platform: New York Sober Living Network (NYSLN) | Weekly Tuesday Lunchtime Zoom
Host: Dr. Ken Markowitz
Speaker: Chad Johnson, Sober Coach, Podcast Host, Founder of Art of Recovery Foundation


🎙️ About the Speaker

Chad Johnson brings 11+ years of continuous sobriety and lived experience to his work as a recovery advocate.

He is:

🔹 Founder and Host of "Not All There Podcast"
🔹 Host of "Sober with Chad" platform
🔹 Founder of The Art of Recovery Foundation
🔹 Initiator and Host of SLN Chicago Chapter
🔹 Certified Sober Coach
🔹 Survivor of childhood abuse and multiple traumas
🔹 Father of two teenage sons and devoted husband

Chad's unique approach combines his personal recovery journey with professional coaching expertise, breaking stigma around addiction and mental health through authentic storytelling and community building.


🎯 Core Message

"Recovery isn't about perfection. It's about showing up, staying connected, and living with gratitude one day at a time."

Chad's presentation centered on the transformative power of being available for others while maintaining your own recovery. His core insight: by helping another person, you're ultimately helping yourself. Service is the mechanism of lasting recovery.


💡 Key Takeaways

① Self-Acceptance is the Foundation

Around year 9 of sobriety, Chad achieved a breakthrough: accepting himself fully—traumas, flaws, and all—freed enormous mental and emotional energy. This acceptance led to genuine self-esteem built on truth, not perfection.

② Community is Non-Negotiable

Addiction thrives in isolation. Recovery requires radical connection across multiple layers: recovery-specific groups, like-minded communities, professional support, family/friends, and service relationships. All are essential.

③ The Three Stages of Recovery

🔹 Abstinence = not using
🔹 Sobriety = sustained abstinence with awareness
🔹 Recovery = living a full, authentic life in alignment with values

Not everyone moves through all three stages. Many get stuck in sobriety, merely white-knuckling through life rather than genuinely transforming.

④ Daily Rituals Create Resilience

Chad's daily practice—waking up and reminding himself "You're a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Don't fuck it up today"—is a grounding ritual that keeps him present, activates his "why," and prevents relapse amnesia.

⑤ Listening is Revolutionary

In a world of constant distraction and advice-giving, genuine listening is radical. Just being present and hearing someone can be enough to help them start their own healing journey.

⑥ Small Gestures Compound

A smile, a hello, making your bed, saying thank you—these "Level 1" gestures create momentum that eventually leads to meaningful service. All acts matter.

⑦ Vulnerability is Strength

When you share your struggles alongside successes, when you admit what you don't know, when you ask for help—you give others permission to do the same. Vulnerability creates connection; connection creates recovery.

⑧ Service Works as Recovery

Service breaks the cycle of self-centeredness. It reminds you why you got sober, builds self-esteem, creates meaning, connects you to others, and reinforces your commitment to recovery.


🔑 The Daily Ritual

Chad's most powerful practice is deceptively simple. Every morning, almost 12 years into sobriety, he says:

"Hey, Chad, you're a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Don't fuck it up today."

This ritual:
🔹 Brings him into the present moment
🔹 Reminds him of his identity and commitment
🔹 Activates his "why"
🔹 Prepares him to be available to others
🔹 Prevents relapse amnesia
🔹 Sets the tone for conscious living


🤝 What Community Actually Provides

When Chad describes the impact of community, he emphasizes:

"The loneliness goes away. You are connected, you have hope, you have somebody that understands you."

Community operates at multiple levels:
🟦 Recovery-Specific Community: AA, NA, recovery groups, sponsorship relationships
🟦 Like-Minded Community: Men's groups, peer circles, recovery-focused gatherings
🟦 Professional Community: Therapists, coaches, mentors
🟦 Personal Community: Family, friends, colleagues
🟦 Service Community: People you help and coach

All layers matter. People who've lived through similar experiences provide irreplaceable understanding. People with no frame of reference to addiction remind you how far you've come.


💬 The Art of Being Available

Chad's framework for presence is practical:

Listening is the foundation. Just being available to hear what someone has to say—without fixing, advising, or sharing your story—is often enough.

But listening requires clearing your own mental clutter first. As Chad notes: "If I'm stuck in my own head, dealing with my own crap, I'm not available to do that."

Small gestures matter: a smile, a hello, holding a door, making eye contact, asking how someone's day was. These seem tiny. They're not.


🚀 The Service Roadmap

Chad provided four practical paths to service:

Join Existing Organizations


🟦 Local: food banks, community centers, nonprofits
🟦 Recovery-specific: 12-step meetings, recovery houses, treatment centers
🟦 Start small: even 2 hours per month makes a difference

Community Projects


🟦 Food drives, park cleanups, community gardens, youth volunteering
🟦 Connects you to broader community while serving tangible needs

Start Your Own


🟦 AA/NA home meetings, book clubs, men's/women's groups, peer circles
🟦 Chad started a home meeting when his kids were young—simple and organic

Direct Asking


🟦 Ask: "I'm looking to be of service. Is there anything you need help with?"
🟦 This rarely fails. Most people are waiting for someone to ask

No matter which path: service reinforces your sobriety, builds self-esteem, creates meaning, breaks self-centeredness, and models recovery for others.


📊 The Three Stages of Recovery

Chad emphasized a crucial distinction that most recovery programs miss:

Abstinence (just stopping) doesn't equal Sobriety (stopping with awareness) doesn't equal Recovery (living authentically and purposefully).

You can be abstinent and still be:
🔹 Angry and resentful
🔹 Depressed and hopeless
🔹 Isolated and lonely
🔹 One bad day from relapse

You can be sober and still be:
🔹 Going through the motions
🔹 Avoiding real work
🔹 Vulnerable to relapse

Recovery is when you're genuinely liking yourself, present with others, helping people without expecting return, sleeping well knowing you lived well, and remembering your "why" every single day.


💪 From Acceptance to Self-Esteem

Chad's breakthrough came in accepting himself—traumas and all. But acceptance alone wasn't enough. His next evolution was learning to genuinely like himself.

His process:
① Accept: "I am who I am"
② Like: Start with an hour, then a day, then several months
③ Build: String together days of genuine self-liking
④ Transform: Your entire perspective changes

When Chad began liking himself, he became a better parent, husband, friend. He started living more honestly and stopped performing for others' approval.

Self-esteem built on genuine self-acceptance is sustainable because it's not fragile.


❓ Key Q&A Themes

During the session, participants asked questions that revealed what people are actually struggling with:

Sobriety vs. Abstinence vs. Recovery: Chad clarified that these are three different states, not stages everyone moves through automatically. Many people remain in sobriety indefinitely, never reaching true recovery.

The Role of Vulnerability in Recovery: Chad affirmed that vulnerability isn't weakness—it's the gateway to genuine connection and the mechanism that makes service transformative.

How to Get Started with Service: Multiple entry points exist. The best one is the one you actually take.

Does Spirituality Matter?: Chad emphasized a non-dogmatic approach. Whether you call it God, purpose, community, or something else, having something bigger than yourself helps recovery.

How to Distance from Negative Influences: Chad recommended being strategic about re-entry into old environments, waiting until your recovery is solid enough to handle triggers.


🌟 The Bigger Picture

What makes Chad's message powerful isn't its originality—it's its authenticity. He's not selling a fantasy of recovery. He's modeling what it actually looks like 11 years in:

🔹 Still doing the daily ritual
🔹 Still in therapy
🔹 Still in community
🔹 Still helping others
🔹 Still struggling with his wiring and intensity
🔹 Still showing up anyway

His presence in the NYSLN community demonstrates a simple truth: recovery isn't a destination. It's a way of living, one day at a time, one choice at a time, one act of service at a time.


📞 Resources & Connection Points

Chad Johnson:
🔗 https://www.soberchad.com/
🔗
Not All There Podcast: https://notalltherepod.com/
🔗
Lymbic: https://www.lymbic.org/
🔗
Art of Recovery Foundation: https://www.artofrecoveryfoundation.org/

NYSLN:
🔗 https://soberlivingnetwork.org
🔗
Linktr: https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
🔗
Weekly: Tuesdays 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

Crisis Support:
🔗 National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
🔗 Crisis Text: Text HOME to 741741


Event Documentation Date: January 20, 2026


Next NYSLN Session: Following Tuesday, 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST
Next TSLN Session: Friday, January 24, 2026 | 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM EST


Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
[email protected]
🔗 https://SoberLivingNetwork.org

NYSLN Extended Event Summary: Chad Johnson's "Being Available, Showing Up, and Service in Recovery"

New York Sober Living Network | Tuesday, January 20, 2026 | 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

A Recovery Session on Presence, Purpose, and the Transformative Power of Helping Others


📋 Complete Event Documentation

Part ① Event Overview & Context

Event Details:
🔸 Title: Being Available, Showing Up, and Service in Recovery
🔸 Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2026
🔸 Time: 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST
🔸 Format: Live Zoom | Recovery Education & Discussion
🔸 Speaker: Chad Johnson, Sober Coach, Podcast Host, Recovery Advocate
🔸 Host: Dr. Ken Markowitz, NYSLN
🔸 Attendance: 40+ participants (Toronto, New York, Chicago, International)

Historic Significance:


This was NYSLN's continuation of their Tuesday lunchtime series connecting mental health professionals with individuals in recovery and their families. Chad's session focused on the practical, lived experience of maintaining recovery while serving others—a crucial bridge between early recovery (where the focus is on self) and mature recovery (where the focus expands outward).

Community Context:


New York Sober Living Network operates as part of a global peer-led recovery community:


🌍 Headquarters: Toronto, Canada
🌍 Additional Chapters: New York (established); Chicago (launched); Mumbai, India; Enugu, Nigeria
🌍 Mission: Create judgment-free spaces where individuals at every stage of sobriety can find understanding, resources, and peer connection
🌍 Format: Free weekly Zoom sessions (Tuesdays 12-1 PM EST for NYSLN) + educational eBooks + companion workbooks + recovery resources


Part ② About Chad Johnson

Professional Background:

Chad Johnson is a Certified Sober Coach and recovery advocate with 11+ years of continuous sobriety. He operates across multiple platforms and organizations, each reflecting his commitment to breaking stigma and creating recovery-ready communities.

Credentials & Platforms:


🔹 Founder and Host of "Not All There Podcast" (peer-led recovery conversations)
🔹 Host of "Sober with Chad" (coaching and mentorship platform)
🔹 Founder of The Art of Recovery Foundation (advocating for addiction awareness and recovery)
🔹 Initiator and Host of SLN Chicago Chapter (building recovery community in the Midwest)
🔹 Certified Sober Coach (providing one-on-one and group coaching)
🔹 Professional recovery speaker and educator

Personal Journey:

Chad's credibility comes from lived experience, not theory:

💫 21 years of active addiction (alcohol and drugs) characterized by isolation and self-destruction
💫 Survivor of severe childhood abuse and multiple traumas (grew up in rural Oregon with an abusive father)
💫 Got sober and began recovery work, eventually achieving genuine sobriety around year 2-3
💫 Years 1-5: Marathon runner (literally running from his trauma); trained intensely, ran marathons, used running as a substitute for substance abuse
💫 Year 5: Body completely gave out; forced to stop running and face the accumulated trauma that surfaced
💫 Years 5-9: Prolonged nervous breakdown; had to face everything—all trauma, all shame, all pain; this period involved intensive therapy, peer support, and genuine emotional processing
💫 Year 9: Breakthrough in self-acceptance; realized he couldn't change the past, but he could accept who he was and build from there
💫 Years 9-11: Evolution into genuine recovery; began liking himself, becoming present for family, developing service work, helping others
💫 Present (11+ years sober): Married, father of two teenage sons (ages 13 and 15), actively coaching others, hosting podcasts, building community, still in therapy, still doing daily recovery practices

Why Chad's Approach Matters:

Chad bridges two critical worlds:

🌟 Traditional Recovery Models: He understands AA, NA, clinical therapy, evidence-based treatment, and the value of structure and community in recovery

🌟 Real-Life Complexity: He doesn't pretend recovery is linear or that you ever stop being a "recovering" person.

He still has struggles with his wiring, his intensity, his trauma responses. He's still doing the work after 11 years.

His unique value: He models what mature, sustainable recovery actually looks like—not perfect, but grounded, connected, purposeful, and committed to helping others find the same.


Part ③ Core Themes & Educational Content

Theme ① "Self-Acceptance is the Foundation" (Not Perfection)

The Problem:


Most people in recovery spend the first years in internal conflict. They've accepted intellectually that they're an alcoholic or addict, but they haven't accepted emotionally. Part of them is still fighting against reality, still believing they should be different, should be stronger, should have never gotten here.

This internal war is exhausting. It consumes mental and emotional energy that could be used for actual healing and growth.

Chad's Journey:


For years, Chad was sober but at war with himself. He was doing the external work (meetings, therapy, running marathons) but internally rejecting himself for what he was. Around year 9, something shifted.

"This is me. This is who I am. There's nothing I can do that's gonna change that. I can't fix it. I can't do anything to change the past. But I can accept it."

This moment—when acceptance shifted from intellectual to emotional—changed everything.

Why This Matters:


When you stop fighting against yourself, when you stop trying to be someone different, a huge relief emerges. No more arguing with reality. No more shame spirals. No more performing.

Chad describes it: "There was a huge relief in that. Like, oh, okay, this is me. I don't have to go around trying to figure out who I am. I don't have to listen to my own bullshit or bullshit others. This is the person that I am."

Workbook Integration:


For future workbook development, this theme would include:


📖 Daily acceptance practices (acknowledging reality without judgment)
📖 Journaling prompts around self-acceptance
📖 Distinguishing between "I can't change the past" and "I can change my response to it"
📖 Tracking the relief that comes from stopping the internal war


Theme ② "From Acceptance to Genuine Self-Esteem" (The Scaling Method)

The Problem:


Acceptance alone isn't enough. You can accept yourself and still hate yourself. You can accept that you're a recovering alcoholic and still feel worthless.

The next step is learning to genuinely like yourself. But most recovery programs leave you to figure this out on your own.

Chad's Solution:


Chad discovered what he calls the "scaling method"—starting ridiculously small and building from there.

"I decided that maybe it was time to start liking myself for who I was. And let's start with, like, an hour, okay? I can do that, and let's start with a day, and then a couple of days, and pretty soon, I was able to string together several months of liking myself, and my entire perspective on things changed."

This isn't positive thinking or affirmations. It's a neuroplasticity practice. By consistently choosing to like himself for small increments of time, Chad rewired his brain's relationship to himself.

The Cascade Effect:


When Chad began genuinely liking himself:

🌟 He became a better parent (more present, less reactive)
🌟 He became a better husband (more emotionally available)
🌟 He became a better friend (authentic instead of performing)
🌟 He stopped caring what people thought (freedom)
🌟 He became genuinely present for others

Why This Matters:


Self-esteem built on genuine self-acceptance is sustainable because it's not fragile. It's not based on external validation or achievements. It's based on knowing yourself and choosing to show up anyway.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Daily self-esteem building exercises (start with "I did one thing well today")
📖 Scaling practices (an hour of liking yourself, then a day, then a week)
📖 Tracking cascade effects (as your self-esteem improves, what changes in your relationships?)
📖 Practical exercises in meeting yourself with compassion


Theme ③ "Community is Non-Negotiable" (The Different Layers)

The Truth:


"You can't live a life of active recovery on your own. Doing it in shadows, secretly, without letting people know, defeats the entire purpose."

Why:


Chad's addiction was an "addiction of isolation." For 21 years, he couldn't face the world or himself. He needed to numb himself every day because the pain of existing was unbearable.

Recovery demands the opposite: radical connection, visibility, vulnerability, and community.

What Community Actually Provides:


When you're surrounded by people who understand you, who've lived similar experiences:

💚 The loneliness goes away (you're no longer isolated with your pain)
💚 You have hope (you see others making it work)
💚 You're seen for who you truly are (validation and acceptance)
💚 You realize you're not broken or alone
💚 You get perspective when problems feel enormous
💚 You get support when you're struggling
💚 You remember your "why" when you're losing motivation

The Different Layers:


Chad emphasizes that community exists at multiple levels:

🔵 Recovery-Specific Community: AA meetings, NA meetings, recovery groups, sponsorship relationships. People who speak the language and understand the struggle.

🔵 Like-Minded Community: Men's groups, peer coaching circles, recovery-focused gatherings. People doing similar work, often outside of 12-step structure.

🔵 Professional Community: Therapists, coaches, mentors. People trained to help you process and heal.

🔵 Broader Community: Family, friends, colleagues. People who care about you and support your recovery, even if they haven't experienced addiction.

🔵 Service Community: People you help and coach. This creates a feedback loop where giving strengthens your own recovery.

Why Multiple Layers Matter:


People who've lived through similar experiences offer irreplaceable camaraderie. You're seen, validated, understood.

But people with no frame of reference to addiction offer something equally valuable: they remind you how far you've come and reinforce your commitment never to return. They help you integrate back into mainstream society and prove to yourself that you can function and be present outside the recovery bubble.

Chad's Communities Include:


🔹 AA meetings and his AA crew
🔹 A men's group he started at his house
🔹 Recovery podcasts and online networks
🔹 Multiple therapists over the years
🔹 Family and friends who support his recovery
🔹 Mentees and coaching clients he serves

Workbook Integration:


📖 Mapping your community (identifying which layers you have and which you need)
📖 Community-building exercises (how to start a group, how to join one)
📖 Vulnerability practices (sharing with people in each layer)
📖 Tracking the impact of community on your recovery trajectory


Theme ④ "The Three Stages of Recovery" (Critical Distinctions)

The Language Problem:


Most people use "abstinence," "sobriety," and "recovery" interchangeably. This is a profound mistake because it conflates three very different states of being.

Abstinence: Just Stopping

Definition: Not using a substance or addictive behavior.

What It Includes:
🔹 Not drinking or using drugs
🔹 Not gambling, binge eating, compulsive sex, working obsessively
🔹 Physically not engaging in the behavior

What It Doesn't Include:
🔹 Internal transformation
🔹 Healing from trauma
🔹 Building healthy relationships
🔹 Developing self-worth
🔹 Creating meaning and purpose
🔹 Any emotional or spiritual component

The Reality: You can be abstinent and still be:
🔹 Angry and resentful
🔹 Depressed and hopeless
🔹 Isolated and lonely
🔹 White-knuckling through each day
🔹 Ready to relapse at any moment
🔹 Miserable

Sobriety: Sustained Abstinence + Awareness

Definition: Not using AND understanding why you don't use, while actively working on yourself.

What It Includes:
🔹 Not using substances
🔹 Understanding your patterns and triggers
🔹 Attending meetings or therapy
🔹 Working on yourself (journaling, meditation, etc.)
🔹 Being honest about your struggles
🔹 Showing up, even when it's hard
🔹 Having structure and accountability

What It Might Still Be Missing:
🔹 Deep healing from trauma
🔹 Full integration of lessons into daily life
🔹 Authentic connection with others
🔹 Genuine purpose and meaning
🔹 Joy and peace

The Reality: You can be sober and still be:
🔹 Going through the motions
🔹 Isolated and lonely
🔹 Avoiding the real deep work
🔹 White-knuckling through life
🔹 One failed support system away from relapse
🔹 Functional but not fulfilled

Recovery: The Full Transformation

Definition: Living a full, authentic life in alignment with your values, having healed from the wounds that drove your addiction.

What It Includes:
🔹 Abstinence from substances and harmful behaviors (obviously)
🔹 Genuine self-acceptance and self-esteem
🔹 Deep work on trauma and underlying issues (nervous breakdowns, if necessary)
🔹 Authentic relationships and genuine community
🔹 Purpose, meaning, and contribution to others
🔹 Helping others (service)
🔹 Joy, peace, and spiritual alignment
🔹 Living your values
🔹 Being genuinely present for yourself and others
🔹 Still growing and evolving

What It Looks Like:
🔹 You genuinely like yourself (flaws and all)
🔹 You're present with your family and friends (not just physically there)
🔹 You help people without expecting anything in return
🔹 You handle hard days without using
🔹 You sleep well knowing you lived well
🔹 You contribute to your community
🔹 You build others up
🔹 You remember your "why" every single day
🔹 You're still doing the work (therapy, practices, community)
🔹 You're still humble and learning

The Critical Insight:


Not everyone makes the journey from abstinence to sobriety to recovery. Many get stuck in sobriety—not using, but not truly living. They're stable but not transformed. And when one pillar of support fails (lost their sponsor, can't make meetings, lost their job, relationship ends), they relapse.

Recovery, true recovery, is more resilient because it's built on internal transformation, not external structure.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Self-assessment tool (which stage are you in?)
📖 Pathway to the next stage (what does it take to move from abstinence to sobriety, sobriety to recovery?)
📖 Identifying areas of your life where you're abstinent/sober/recovering
📖 Building resilience by moving toward recovery


Theme ⑤ "The Daily Ritual That Keeps You Grounded" (Neuroplasticity in Action)

The Practice:


Chad has a non-negotiable daily ritual. Every single morning, almost 12 years into sobriety, he does the same thing:

"I wake up each day, and I have to remind myself: Hey, Chad, you're a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Don't fuck it up today."

It sounds harsh. It sounds negative. But it's neither.

Why This Works:


This is a neuroplasticity practice. By repeatedly activating the same intention every morning, Chad is:

Bringing himself into the present moment. His mind isn't in yesterday's regrets or tomorrow's anxieties. He's here, now, making a choice.

Activating his "why." It's not just "I'm sober," it's "I have something I'm protecting." Kids. Wife. Work. Community. Purpose.

Preventing relapse amnesia. Research shows that over time, people forget why they got sober. They start thinking "Maybe I wasn't that bad." Or "Maybe I can handle just one drink." By reminding himself every morning of what he is, Chad immunizes himself.

Reserving willpower for everything else. The biggest decision of the day is made first thing: "I'm not using today." This frees mental energy for parenting, working, helping others.

Accepting reality without fighting it. He's not saying "Pray I don't relapse." He's saying "This is who I am. And today I'm choosing not to act on it."

The Acceptance Built In:


What's beautiful about this ritual is that it's not based on shame or self-punishment. It's based on complete acceptance.

Chad is saying: "I'm deeply traumatized. I'm wired in ways that make recovery work necessary. I'm still that wounded kid from Oregon. None of that has changed. And I'm choosing, every day, to show up anyway."

This is maturity. This is humility. This is the difference between someone who's been sober 12 years and someone who's just managed not to drink for 12 years.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Creating your own daily ritual (what reminder keeps you grounded?)
📖 Neuroplasticity practices (understanding how repetition rewires your brain)
📖 Morning intention-setting exercises
📖 Tracking the effects of daily rituals over weeks and months


Theme ⑥ "Listening as a Revolutionary Act" (The Prerequisite for Service)

The Insight:


"One of the most important things you can do for someone is just be available to listen to what they have to say. You may not even need to share anything with them. Just listening to them is enough for them to get the help that they need."

Why This Is Revolutionary:


In a world of:
🔹 Constant distraction (everyone's on their phone)
🔹 Performative advice-giving ("Here's what you should do")
🔹 Problem-solving without understanding ("Why don't you just...")
🔹 Judgment and criticism ("That was stupid")

Genuine listening has become genuinely radical. People are starved for it.

The Prerequisite:


But Chad knows something crucial: you can't listen to others if you're not listening to yourself.

"If I'm stuck in my own head, dealing with my own crap, I'm not available to do that."

This is why the daily ritual matters so much. By taking time each morning to ground yourself, you clear the mental clutter that would otherwise prevent genuine presence.

It's the airplane oxygen mask principle: put your own mask on first.

What Genuine Listening Looks Like:


🔹 Putting your phone away (actual presence)
🔹 Making eye contact (showing you're engaged)
🔹 Letting them finish without interrupting
🔹 Asking follow-up questions (showing you care)
🔹 Not trying to fix them (letting them own their experience)
🔹 Not sharing your story unless they ask (keeping the focus on them)
🔹 Simply witnessing and reflecting back what you hear
🔹 Following up the next day

What It Creates:


🔹 Safety ("It's safe for me to be vulnerable with this person")
🔹 Trust ("This person genuinely cares")
🔹 Feeling seen ("Someone understands me")
🔹 Validation ("My experience matters")
🔹 Reduced isolation ("I'm not alone")
🔹 Hope ("If someone can listen like this, maybe I can get help")

Workbook Integration:


📖 Active listening exercises
📖 Reflective listening practices
📖 Distinguishing between listening and advising
📖 Tracking the impact of genuine listening on your relationships


Theme ⑦ "The Power of Small Gestures" (Compound Effect of Kindness)

The Hierarchy of Service:


Service doesn't exist at one level. It exists on a spectrum:

Level ① Minor Gestures


🔹 Smile at someone on the street
🔹 Say hello
🔹 Hold a door
🔹 Make eye contact
🔹 Give a compliment

Level ② Personal Connection


🔹 Listen without judgment
🔹 Ask meaningful questions
🔹 Remember details
🔹 Follow up
🔹 Show genuine care

Level ③ Direct Support


🔹 Help someone solve a problem
🔹 Provide emotional support
🔹 Volunteer expertise
🔹 Spend time with someone
🔹 Be physically present

Level ④ Major Intervention


🔹 Help someone get to treatment
🔹 Mentor someone in recovery
🔹 Give significant time/resources
🔹 Change someone's trajectory
🔹 Potentially save someone's life

The Key Insight:


You don't need to be at Level ④ to matter. Even Level ① gestures compound into massive impact when you think about how many people's days you're touching.

The Personal Story: Making Your Bed


During the session, participant Leo Petrilli shared: "Making my bed, every morning."

This is a perfect example. Making your bed isn't a gesture to someone else. It's a gesture to yourself. But it's exactly the kind of small, consistent action that builds momentum.

When you make your bed:


✓ You start your day with an accomplishment
✓ You create order in your environment
✓ You're being responsible to yourself
✓ You're practicing self-care
✓ You're building self-esteem
✓ Before you even leave your room, you've done one good thing

The Gratitude Practice


Participant Barb Lang noted: "I think there is a lot of meaning in those smaller gratitudes. It doesn't always have to be the big stuff."

This is crucial for recovery. In early recovery, you're not ready for grand service. But you ARE ready for:
🔹 Making your bed
🔹 Brushing your teeth
🔹 Taking a shower
🔹 Going for a walk
🔹 Saying thank you
🔹 Smiling at someone

These small acts:
① Build momentum
② Create self-esteem
③ Prove to yourself you're capable
④ Set up a foundation for bigger actions

The Scaling Principle:


Chad's approach to self-esteem and service is built on scaling:

Day 1: I brushed my teeth and made my bed
Day 2: I brushed my teeth, made my bed, and went for a walk
Day 3: I brushed my teeth, made my bed, went for a walk, and said hello to my neighbor
Week 2: I've done all of the above plus I volunteered 2 hours
Month 1: I've built a routine, volunteered regularly, and helped someone through a crisis

The power? Each small win stacks on top of the previous ones. Before you know it, you're living a life of meaning and service.

Workbook Integration:


📖 Small gesture log (tracking Level ① and Level ② acts daily)
📖 Gratitude practice (noticing small things to be grateful for)
📖 Scaling exercises (how to build momentum from one small action to the next)
📖 Tracking the compound effect over weeks and months


Theme ⑧ "Vulnerability: The Strength Everyone Overlooks" (Gateway to Service)

The Core Question:


During the session, Carby asked: "Is 'Vulnerability' a factor in lasting Recovery? And is this another way to put it, the working mechanism in respect to 'Giving Back' or 'Service'?"

Chad's answer was unambiguous: "Yes."

And participant Leo Petrilli captured the emotional truth: "Tears are power."

What Vulnerability Actually Means:


Vulnerability isn't weakness. In recovery, vulnerability means:

🔓 Being willing to tell the truth
🔓 Admitting you don't have it all figured out
🔓 Sharing your struggles, not just your successes
🔓 Asking for help
🔓 Being emotionally present
🔓 Letting others see the real you

Vulnerability = Strength in Recovery:


Chad models this throughout his life:
🔹 He shares his crazy stories about his addiction
🔹 He talks about his trauma
🔹 He admits when he's struggling
🔹 He participates in therapy
🔹 He shares his failures alongside his successes
🔹 He asks for help from his wife, friends, and community

Why This Matters:


When people see you being vulnerable and still showing up, it gives them permission to do the same. Vulnerability creates connection. Connection creates recovery.

In a culture that often teaches—especially men—to hide emotions, recovery requires the opposite. When you can:
🔹 Cry
🔹 Express emotion
🔹 Show fear
🔹 Admit confusion
🔹 Ask for help

You're demonstrating the strength it takes to live an authentic life.

Vulnerability in Service:


When you serve others from a place of vulnerability, the service transforms:

💚 It's not superior or patronizing (you're not better than them)
💚 It's peer-to-peer, person-to-person
💚 It says: "I've been where you are. Here's how I'm moving forward"
💚 It gives them hope that change is possible
💚 It allows them to see the real you, not a performance
💚 It creates connection, not dependency

Workbook Integration:


📖 Vulnerability practices (safe places to practice being vulnerable)
📖 Distinguishing between appropriate and inappropriate vulnerability
📖 Tracking how vulnerability deepens your relationships
📖 Practicing service from a place of vulnerability


Part ④ Practical Frameworks & Tools

The Daily Scaling Method for Self-Esteem

Chad's most practical contribution is his daily scaling method for building self-esteem:

Start Ridiculously Small


The first goals in recovery aren't "Get a job" or "Rebuild your marriage." They're:
🔹 Tie your shoes
🔹 Brush your teeth
🔹 Get dressed
🔹 Do laundry
🔹 Fold the laundry
🔹 Go for a walk

Why? Each action is evidence that you're not lazy, not broken, not incapable. You're capable of doing one thing. And then another. And then another.

Document Your Wins


Chad's approach:
"I can look back, like, oh, well, you know what? I walked my dog today. And I picked up the dog poop. I was an active person in public today. I was out in society, and I was doing something. I was being polite and responsible. And that's something that you can build on for the day."

The practice:
🔹 Keep track of what you accomplished
🔹 Celebrate small wins
🔹 Notice your presence and activity in the world
🔹 Build a positive narrative about yourself

Connect Positive Actions to Positive Feelings


Chad shares: "There's also, you know, I spoke to another person about their recovery a day, and that made me feel good. So that's something that I like feeling, so I'm gonna do that again."

The pattern:
① Do a positive action
② Notice how it feels
③ Identify the positive feeling
④ Repeat the action to experience the feeling again
⑤ Build a routine around actions that feel good

Meet People Where They Are


As a coach, Chad emphasizes that recovery isn't one-size-fits-all:

Early Recovery (First 30 Days):


🔹 Focus: Not using, showing up to meetings, basic self-care
🔹 Goal: Survive and stay connected

First Year:


🔹 Focus: Building routine, processing trauma, developing self-esteem
🔹 Goal: Get stable and start healing

Year 2-5:


🔹 Focus: Deep trauma work, relationship repair, building life
🔹 Goal: Create a sustainable recovery lifestyle

Year 5+:


🔹 Focus: Mastery, giving back, evolving spiritually
🔹 Goal: Live with purpose and serve others

Use Journaling and Expression


Chad uses journaling extensively:
"I've got notebooks everywhere. I'll be flipping through work ideas, and then I'm like, oh god, here's 5 pages of whatever I was going through that day. So I'll go back and read it. That's another nice way to reflect back on what you were feeling, what you were writing."

The benefits:
🔹 Gets thoughts out of your head
🔹 Allows reflection and pattern recognition
🔹 Provides evidence of growth over time
🔹 Engages a different part of your brain
🔹 Creates accountability

Relatable Connection (Especially with Kids)


Chad's example with his 13-year-old son:
"I just try to encourage him with little things, or say 'Oh, that's cool, good job.' Like, not being critical. Unless it needs to be, right? And meeting him, accepting him. Okay, today was just whatever. He doesn't like school. Alright, well, let's not make a big deal about it, okay? Let's find something positive that we can talk about or relatable."

This applies to self-esteem:
🔹 Find one thing you did well
🔹 Don't be overly critical
🔹 Find something positive to focus on
🔹 Meet yourself with acceptance and encouragement


Part ⑤ The Roadmap to Service

Option ① Existing Organizations

Local Services:


🔹 Food banks and soup kitchens
🔹 Donation and charity centers
🔹 Community centers
🔹 Religious organizations
🔹 Non-profits

Recovery-Specific:


🔹 12-step meetings (sponsorship, literature table, setup/cleanup)
🔹 Recovery houses
🔹 Treatment centers
🔹 Recovery coaching organizations
🔹 Peer support groups

Getting Started:


🔹 Search your area for volunteer opportunities
🔹 Call and ask: "I'm in recovery and looking to give back. How can I help?"
🔹 Start small—even 2 hours per month makes a difference

Option ② Community Projects

Community-Based Service:


🔹 Food drives (sorting cans, organizing donations)
🔹 Park cleanups
🔹 Beach cleanups
🔹 Community gardens
🔹 School volunteering
🔹 Youth sports coaching

Getting Started:


🔹 Go to events happening in your community
🔹 Volunteer with your kids (teaches them about service)
🔹 Notice what issues matter to you and find organizations working on them

Option ③ Start Your Own

Chad's Story:


"When I got sober, my kids were very young. I needed to be present for bedtime and my wife. So I started my own group meeting at my house. It's pretty easy to do, because there are a lot of like-minded people out there."

Ideas for Starting Your Own:


🔹 AA/NA home meeting
🔹 Book club focused on recovery
🔹 Men's or women's group
🔹 Peer support circle
🔹 Online community
🔹 Mentorship circle
🔹 Service project group

The Power of Starting Small:


🔹 Invite a few people over
🔹 Create a safe, welcoming space
🔹 Be consistent
🔹 Let it grow organically
🔹 Lead by example

Option ④ Direct Asking

Chad's Most Powerful Suggestion:


"If you just go around and ask, 'Hey, I am looking to be of service to other people. Is there anything that you guys need help with that I might be able to help you with?' And it'll stop people dead in their tracks. They'll think, and you'll get an answer. Either they can help you, where they work can help you, or they know someone that needs help and they can get you pointed in that direction."

Why This Works:


🔹 Most people are waiting for someone to ask
🔹 Your genuine desire to help is rare and valued
🔹 It opens doors you didn't know existed
🔹 It often leads to unexpected connections and opportunities

The Benefit of Service (No Matter Which Path)

No matter which path you choose, service does something that nothing else can:

🌟 Reinforces your sobriety (reminds you why you got sober)
🌟 Builds self-esteem (you're doing good)
🌟 Connects you to others
🌟 Creates meaning and purpose
🌟 Breaks the cycle of self-centeredness
🌟 Helps you sleep better knowing you helped someone
🌟 Keeps you humble and grounded
🌟 Models recovery for others

In a very real sense, service is the antidote to addiction. Addiction is about taking, using, consuming. Recovery is about giving, serving, contributing.


Part ⑥ Q&A Highlights & Community Engagement

Q① Clarifying Sobriety, Abstinence, and Recovery


Carby's Question: "Can you help me clarify the difference between Sobriety/Abstinence and Recovery?"

Chad's Response: Chad distinguished between the three stages clearly, emphasizing that not everyone moves through all three. Many people remain in sobriety indefinitely—not using, but not truly living. Recovery is the full transformation where you're genuinely liking yourself, present with others, and serving your community.

💡 Key Insight: Understanding these distinctions changes how you approach your recovery and helps you identify where you might be stuck.


Q② Vulnerability as the Mechanism of Lasting Change


Carby's Question: "Is 'Vulnerability' a factor in lasting Recovery? And is this another way to put it, the working mechanism in respect to 'Giving Back' or 'Service'?"

Chad's Response: Chad affirmed that vulnerability is absolutely central to lasting recovery and to the mechanism of service. When you serve from a place of genuine vulnerability, it creates peer-to-peer connection rather than a hierarchy of "helper" and "helped."

Leo Petrilli's Contribution: "Tears are power."

💡 Key Insight: Vulnerability is strength. When you allow yourself to feel, to admit struggle, to ask for help, you unlock the capacity for genuine connection and authentic service.


Q③ How to Practice Vulnerability


Carby's Follow-up: "Follow up to that question.. How can I 'practice' Vulnerability"

Chad's Response: While not fully elaborated in the transcript, Chad's overall approach suggests starting small—sharing something real with one trusted person, being honest about struggles, asking for help, expressing emotion.

💡 Key Insight: Vulnerability can be practiced incrementally, just like self-esteem. You don't need to share everything with everyone. Start with safe people in safe spaces.


Q④ Getting Started with Service


Carby's Question: "If I want to pursue the path of Service.. how do I get started?"

Chad's Response: Chad provided four concrete pathways (existing organizations, community projects, starting your own, direct asking), emphasizing that the best path is the one you actually take. Meeting people where they are is key—in early recovery, even volunteering 2 hours per month is meaningful.

💡 Key Insight: Service doesn't require perfection or grand gestures. It requires consistency and genuine desire to help.


Q⑤ Addressing Negative Influences


Carby's Question: "In respect to my previous life/habits, and especially my circle of (negative) influence (ie. 'friends', coworkers).. Do you recommend to distance myself to keep out of range of trouble or triggering environments?"

Follow-up Question: "When will i know it is the 'right' time to 'test the waters' and re-enter those environments and reconnect with those 'friends'..."

Chad's Response: (While not fully captured, Chad's approach suggests waiting until your recovery is solid enough to handle triggers, being strategic about re-entry, and maintaining boundaries with people/places that actively undermine your sobriety.)

💡 Key Insight: Recovery doesn't mean permanent isolation, but it does require strategic boundary management in early stages. Re-entry happens when your recovery is resilient, not when you think you're "fixed."


Q⑥ The Role of Spirituality and Belief


Carby's Question: "And in addition to community / service.. does my beliefs influence my recovery? For example, does God (religion aside) play a role?"

Chad's Response: (While not fully captured in transcript, Chad's overall approach suggests non-dogmatic spirituality. Whether you call it God, the universe, purpose, or community, having something larger than yourself to orient toward helps recovery significantly.)

💡 Key Insight: Spirituality matters, but it doesn't require a specific theology. What matters is having meaning and purpose beyond your own ego.


Q⑦ Community Recognition of Small Victories


Participant Leo Petrilli: "Making my bed, every morning."

Participant Barb Lang: "I think there is a lot of meaning in those smaller gratitudes, it doesn't always have to be the big stuff."

Ken Markowitz Response: "I agree! It's the small things that we often take for granted and should always be grateful for."

💡 Key Insight: The community affirmed that small actions, done consistently, are the foundation of recovery. Making your bed daily is as valid and important as major service work.


Q⑧ Session Closing


Participant Damien Reilly: "I have to jump. Thanks everyone! Thanks Chad! Thanks Ken!"


Multiple Participants: "Thanks so much Chad, and Ken!" and "Thanks all"


Part ⑦ Integration & Next Steps

For Participants:

① If you attended the live session:


🔸 Download the full eBook for deeper learning
🔸 Implement the daily ritual (your own version of "Don't fuck it up today")
🔸 Practice one Level ① gesture daily (smile, hello, thank you)
🔸 Identify which layers of community you have and which you need
🔸 Choose one service pathway to explore this month
🔸 Start journaling (small wins, feelings, reflections)

② If you're new to this work:


🔸 Read through the eBook first to understand the framework
🔸 Start with the daily ritual (adapt it to your own belief system)
🔸 Begin with Tool #1: Making your bed and doing basic self-care
🔸 Document your small wins
🔸 Build from there

③ If you want to deepen the practice:


🔸 Consider one-on-one coaching with Chad or another trained coach
🔸 Join a recovery community (AA, SMART, Lymbic, etc.)
🔸 Combine this work with therapy or counseling
🔸 Start a home group or meet-up in your area
🔸 Join NYSLN Tuesday sessions weekly (free, judgment-free community)

For Mental Health Professionals:

The NYSLN platform is a vital resource for:
🔹 Connecting with clients in recovery
🔹 Understanding peer-led support models
🔹 Referring clients to free community resources
🔹 Learning about cutting-edge recovery practices
🔹 Building collaborative relationships with recovery communities


Part ⑧ The Bigger Picture

Why This Matters Now

Recovery work has traditionally focused on "stopping the behavior" (abstinence) and cognitive processing (therapy). This helps millions. But many people still feel stuck, still struggle with meaning and purpose, still can't regulate their nervous systems without substances.

Chad's work—and NYSLN's platform—represents a paradigm shift: Healing requires meeting the person where they are across all dimensions simultaneously.

This means:
💫 Traditional therapy (still essential)
💫 Plus 12-Step or peer programs (still valuable)
💫 Plus practical self-esteem building (small gestures, daily rituals)
💫 Plus community across multiple layers (recovery-specific and broader)
💫 Plus service and meaning-making (gives purpose to recovery)

The Result:

People don't just stop using substances—they reclaim their lives. They:
🌟 Develop genuine self-acceptance and self-esteem
🌟 Build authentic community across multiple layers
🌟 Discover meaning and purpose through service
🌟 Regulate their nervous systems (can be present without numbing)
🌟 Sleep well knowing they lived well
🌟 Know they're not alone
🌟 Have hope that change is possible


Part ⑨ Accessibility & Inclusivity

NYSLN's commitment to accessibility:

Financial:


💰 Free weekly Zoom sessions (Tuesdays 12-1 PM EST)
💰 Free eBooks and educational materials
💰 Free community access
💰 Sliding scale for direct coaching

Accessibility for Different Backgrounds:


🌈 No religious requirement
🌈 Non-dogmatic spirituality
🌈 No special preparation needed
🌈 Judgment-free (cameras on or off—your choice)
🌈 Welcomes skeptics and believers alike

For Healthcare Providers:


🏥 Mental health professionals welcome
🏥 NYSLN serves as a vital platform to connect with the community you serve
🏥 Integration with clinical recovery models (not replacement)


Part ⑩ Contact & Resources

Speaker:


Chad Johnson, Sober Coach & Recovery Advocate


🔗 Website: https://www.soberchad.com/
🔗
Email: (available through website)
🔗 Podcasts: "Not All There" & "Sober with Chad"
🔗 Services: Coaching (sliding scale), Speaking, Advocacy
🔗 Location: Chicago, IL (distance sessions available globally)

New York Sober Living Network:


🔗 Website: https://soberlivingnetwork.org
🔗
Linktr: https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
🔗
Email: [email protected]
🔗 Weekly: Tuesday 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EST

Related Resources:


🔗 Art of Recovery Foundation: https://www.artofrecoveryfoundation.org/
🔗
Lymbic: https://www.lymbic.org/
🔗
Not All There Podcast: https://notalltherepod.com/

Crisis Resources:


🆘 National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – Free, confidential, 24/7
🆘 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
🆘 AA: https://www.aa.org/
🆘
SMART Recovery: https://www.smartrecovery.org/
🆘
Local mental health clinic or doctor


Part ⑪ The Larger Vision

What Chad's Work Represents

Chad Johnson isn't unique in being sober for 11+ years. But he's exceptional in how openly he shares his journey—not just the victories, but the nervous breakdown in year 5, the ongoing struggles with his trauma wiring, the daily commitment he still makes.

He's not selling a fantasy of "fixed recovery." He's modeling realistic, sustainable recovery: work, commitment, community, service, and genuine presence.

The Paradigm Shift

From "How do I stop using?" to "How do I build a life worth living?"

From "One day at a time" (survival mode) to "One day at a time with purpose" (thriving mode)

From "I need help" (vulnerability as need) to "I can help others" (vulnerability as strength)


Part ⑫ Final Words

Chad's Message to the Community:

(While not directly quoted, Chad's consistent message throughout is:)

"Show up. Be available. Start small. Be honest about who you are. Connect with people. Help others. That's the path. Not the only path. But a path that works."

Ken Markowitz's Framing:

"Recovery isn't about perfection. It's about showing up, staying connected, and living with gratitude one day at a time."


✨ Conclusion

The January 20, 2026 NYSLN session with Chad Johnson was a masterclass in practical recovery wisdom. Participants left with:

Understanding: Why service is the mechanism of lasting recovery
Frameworks: The three stages of recovery and how to move between them
Practices: Daily rituals, scaling methods, small gesture frameworks
Community: Connection to NYSLN and the broader SLN network
Hope: Proof that transformation is possible, one day at a time
Purpose: Clear pathways to meaningful service

By the end of the session, it was clear: recovery isn't something you achieve and then stop working on. It's a way of living—present, connected, purposeful, and dedicated to helping others find their own way.


Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

New York Sober Living Network


🔗 https://soberlivingnetwork.org
📧
[email protected]
👥 https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

Sober Living Network – Global Community


🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
Connect through website
🔗 Registration: https://SoberLivingNetwork.org


Event Documentation Date: January 20, 2026


Materials Created: eBook (Full Educational Resource) + Event Summary (Quick Overview) + Extended Event Summary (Comprehensive Documentation)


Access: All materials available free to NYSLN community members and registered participants

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
[email protected]
👥 Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network


TSLN Event Summary: Julie Hinton-Green's Reiki & Energy Healing

January 16, 2026 | Toronto Sober Living Network

📌 Event Summary

Event Title: Reiki & Addiction Healing: Energy Work for Recovery
Date: Thursday, January 16, 2026
Time: 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM EST
Format: Hybrid Education & Experiential Workshop (Live Zoom)
Guest Speaker: Julie Hinton-Green, Reiki Master
Host: Carby Sum, SLN Community Coordinator


🎯 Event Overview

For the first time in Toronto Sober Living Network history, TSLN hosted a hybrid education and experiential workshop combining theory with live somatic practice. Julie Hinton-Green, a Reiki Master with 10+ years of clinical experience at Addiction Rehab Toronto, guided participants through the intersection of energy healing and addiction recovery.

The session proved that recovery isn't just about stopping substances—it's about reconnecting with your body, regulating your nervous system, and accessing the universal healing energy within.


🔑 Key Topics Covered

🧠 Addiction & the Nervous System: How trauma gets stored in the central nervous system and why energy-based practices (Reiki, breathwork, somatic work) are essential to recovery

⚡ Reiki & Energy Healing: What Reiki is, how it works, and why you don't need to be a Reiki Master to access healing energy yourself

🔵 The Chakra System: Understanding the 7 chakras and how chakra imbalances correlate with addiction patterns

🛠️ Practical Tools: Self-Reiki, breathwork (box breathing), grounding through the feet, and energetic self-compassion practices

🧘 Nervous System Regulation: How to shift from fight/flight stress to parasympathetic calm using intentional energy work

💔 Trauma & Recovery: The connection between childhood trauma, addiction, and healing modalities that address somatic (body-based) components


💡 Core Messages

"If you've spent your whole life living in your mind, repeating the same patterns and habits, there is this beautiful, glowing, universal consciousness and light energy that wants to help you. It wants to bring change." — Julie Hinton-Green

🌟 Come into the body: Most people in recovery live in their heads. Healing happens when you reconnect with your physical body.
🌟 You are not your mind: You are the consciousness observing your thoughts, not the thoughts themselves.
🌟 Consistency over perfection: Daily practice of small tools (5–10 minutes) rewires the nervous system more effectively than sporadic intensive efforts.
🌟 Healing is non-linear: Some days are easy, some are hard. Practice one day at a time, one breath at a time.


🛠️ Tools Demonstrated

1️⃣ Self-Reiki – Channeling universal healing energy to yourself using hand placements and intention
2️⃣ Box Breathing – A 4-count breath pattern that activates the parasympathetic nervous system and signals safety to your body
3️⃣ Grounding Through the Feet – Visualizing roots connecting you to earth energy for stability and anxiety relief
4️⃣ The Energetic Hug – Cross-arm self-embrace combined with breathwork for self-compassion and nervous system regulation
5️⃣ Chakra Check-In – Body scan practice identifying which of the 7 chakras feel open or blocked
6️⃣ Qigong-Inspired Movement – Light stretching and intentional movement to release energy blocks
7️⃣ Guided Reiki Energy Transmission – Distance healing meditation connecting participants to universal consciousness


📚 Companion Materials

TSLN eBook: A comprehensive guide covering the science of energy healing, nervous system regulation, the chakra system, and detailed tool instructions.

NEW: TSLN Recovery Workbook – Week 1 – A hands-on daily implementation guide featuring:
📖 Daily practice roadmap (45 minutes/day flexible scheduling)
📖 Step-by-step guides for all 8 tools
📖 Morning and evening journaling prompts
📖 Somatic tracking charts to map where trauma lives in your body
📖 Nervous system check-ins (daily 1-10 regulation rating)
📖 Success metrics and weekly reflection questions
📖 Affirmations and crisis resources

The workbook is designed to be used alongside the eBook—the eBook provides the "why" (education and science), and the workbook provides the "how" (daily practice, tracking, and integration).


🎓 What Participants Learned

🔸 Addiction lives in the nervous system, not just the brain—recovery requires nervous system healing

🔸 Energy healing is accessible to everyone (no special training required to channel Reiki to yourself)

🔸 Trauma gets stored in the body and requires somatic (body-based) healing practices to release

🔸 Practical techniques that can be used immediately: breathing, grounding, self-Reiki

🔸 The mind-body connection: changing your nervous system state changes your thoughts, emotions, and cravings

🔸 What wellness practices (red light therapy, dandelion tea, ginger tea, hydration) support recovery at a cellular level


📊 Event Impact

🔹 First-time participants: Many attendees experienced distance Reiki for the first time
🔹 Interactive Q&A: Questions about red light therapy, sliding scale pricing, and Reiki for people at different sobriety stages
🔹 Community feedback: Participants expressed gratitude for the unique blend of education and experiential practice
🔹 Accessibility focus: Julie emphasized that financial barriers should never prevent access to healing (sliding scale available)


🌐 Global Reach

The session was part of TSLN's expanding global platform:
🌍 Toronto: Original chapter
🌍 New York: Recently launched
🌍 Chicago: Launching soon
🌍 Mumbai, India & Enugu: Launches planned
🌍 Online accessibility: Participants joining from across Canada and internationally


📞 How to Access the Materials

eBook: TSLN Friday Event eBook – Julie Hinton-Green's Reiki & Addiction Healing (now updated with integrated workbook prompts)

Recovery Workbook: TSLN Recovery Workbook – Week 1: Julie Hinton-Green's Reiki & Energy Healing


📑 Available as a formatted document ready for PDF conversion
📑 Includes all daily schedules, tool guides, journaling prompts, and tracking sheets
📑 Designed as a 7-day hands-on companion to the eBook

Register for TSLN: https://soberlivingnetwork.org
Website
: https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
Email
: [email protected]
Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network


🔗 Speaker Contact

Julie Hinton-Green, Reiki Master
Website: https://juliehintongreen.com/
Email
: [email protected]
Services: Reiki sessions (in-person & distance), Timeline Therapy, NLP
Availability: Sliding scale options available


✨ Closing Remarks

Julie emphasized the mission of TSLN and energy healing work: "Come to the light." She encouraged participants to:
💫 Start practicing the tools consistently (even 5 minutes daily makes a difference)
💫 Build trust with yourself through self-care and intentional practice
💫 Share positive energy with others—what you give, you receive
💫 Believe in the possibility of healing, even on day one


Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Toronto Sober Living Network | Friday, 7-8 PM EST
Next session: New speaker, new tools, same transformative commitment to recovery.


This event summary reflects the hybrid education and experiential nature of TSLN's first energy healing workshop. Participants received both intellectual understanding (via Julie's teaching) and embodied experience (via guided practices). The companion eBook and Recovery Workbook extend this work into daily life, making healing accessible and sustainable.


🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
[email protected]
🔗 Registration: https://SoberLivingNetwork.org
👥
Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

TSLN Extended Event Summary: Julie Hinton-Green's Reiki & Energy Healing

January 16, 2026 | Toronto Sober Living Network

A Hybrid Education & Experiential Workshop on Nervous System Healing and Addiction Recovery


📋 Complete Event Documentation

Part 1: Event Overview & Context

Event Details:
🔸 Title: Reiki & Addiction Healing: Energy Work for Recovery
🔸 Date: Thursday, January 16, 2026
🔸 Time: 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM EST
🔸 Format: Live Zoom | Hybrid Education + Experiential Workshop
🔸 Speaker: Julie Hinton-Green, Reiki Master, Timeline Therapy & NLP Practitioner
🔸 Host: Carby Sum, TSLN Community Coordinator
🔸 Attendance: 50+ participants (Toronto, New York, Chicago, International)

Historic Significance:
This was TSLN's first hybrid education and experiential workshop. Unlike traditional recovery seminars focused on talking about recovery, this session embodied recovery through guided somatic (body-based) practices. Participants left with both intellectual understanding and lived experience of nervous system healing.

Community Context:
Toronto Sober Living Network is a peer-led global recovery community now operating in multiple cities:
🌍 Headquarters: Toronto, Canada
🌍 Additional Chapters: New York (launched); Chicago (launching); Mumbai, India; Enugu, Nigeria
🌍 Mission: Create judgment-free spaces where individuals at every stage of sobriety can find understanding, resources, and peer connection
🌍 Platform: Free weekly Zoom sessions (Fridays 7-8 PM EST) + comprehensive eBooks + companion workbooks


Part 2: About Julie Hinton-Green

Professional Background:

Julie Hinton-Green is a Reiki Master with over 10 years of clinical experience at Addiction Rehab Toronto (ART), one of Canada's leading addiction treatment centers.

Credentials:
🔹 Reiki Master (Certified Usui Reiki)
🔹 Timeline Therapy Practitioner (specialized in releasing trauma and emotional blocks)
🔹 NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Practitioner (subconscious reprogramming & behavioral change)
🔹 10+ Years at ART (clinical work with individuals in addiction recovery)
🔹 Integrates: Qigong, breathwork, meditation, somatic healing

Why Julie's Approach Matters:

Julie bridges two critical worlds:
🌟 Traditional Recovery Models: She understands 12-Step programs, clinical therapy, evidence-based addiction treatment
🌟 Energy Healing & Somatic Work: She brings Reiki, nervous system regulation, breathwork, and consciousness expansion

Her unique value: She knows that addiction recovery requires more than abstinence—it requires full-body, nervous-system-level healing.

Personal Transformation:

Julie's journey makes her work credible. She shared:
💫 Grew up with an alcoholic, bipolar father who was inappropriate and critical
💫 Struggled with shame around her body (having modeled and acted from a young age)
💫 Developed unhealthy patterns with alcohol (using red wine to calm herself before parenting)
💫 Discovered Reiki in 2010 after recognizing deep patterns and trauma
💫 Became an official Reiki Master in 2018 after years of personal healing work
💫 Now uses her experience to help thousands of clients at ART and privately

Her authenticity—her willingness to share her own work and struggles—makes her energy powerful. She models what she teaches: healing is possible, and it requires doing your own work.


Part 3: Core Themes & Educational Content

Theme 1: "Come Into the Body" (Not Just the Mind)

The Problem:
Most people in addiction (and most modern humans) spend their entire lives in their heads—thinking, ruminating, worrying, planning, catastrophizing. This mental overdrive creates disconnection from the body, the present moment, and the signals the nervous system is constantly sending.

Why This Matters:
🧠 You can't feel what needs healing if you're disconnected from your body
🧠 The mind creates stories that keep you trapped (victim mentality, perfectionism, shame)
🧠 Physical sensations are always trying to communicate (tightness in chest = anxiety, heaviness in belly = depression, numbness = dissociation)

Julie's Solution:
"Come into the body. Feel your breath. Notice sensation. Regulate your nervous system. That's where healing happens."

Workbook Integration:
📖 Tool 4: Grounding Through the Feet (3–5 min) physically brings you out of your head and into your feet
📖 Tool 1: Self-Reiki (5–10 min) activates body awareness through hand placements and breath
📖 Daily somatic tracking (evening practice) teaches you to notice where tension lives in your body


Theme 2: Addiction Lives in the Nervous System (Not Just the Brain)

The Science:


The central nervous system has two primary states:
⚡ Sympathetic (Fight/Flight): Activated during stress, perceived threat, or danger
⚡ Parasympathetic (Rest/Digest): Activated during relaxation, safety, and calm

How This Relates to Addiction:
🔴 Most people in active addiction live in chronic sympathetic activation (constant stress, anxiety, hypervigilance)
🔴 Substances (alcohol, drugs, food, behaviors) temporarily activate the parasympathetic system (relief, calm)
🔴 The body becomes dependent on these substances to downregulate from constant stress
🔴 Over time, the nervous system forgets how to activate parasympathetic rest naturally
🔴 Recovery requires re-training the nervous system to feel safe without substances

Trauma's Role:


Trauma gets locked into the nervous system from early life:
💔 If you grow up hearing parents yelling, your nervous system learns: "Yelling = danger"
💔 As an adult, even mild conflict triggers fight/flight because your nervous system remembers
💔 Substances become a way to cope with a nervous system that's constantly in alarm mode

Julie's Insight:
"Healing is not just about stopping substances. It's about teaching your body it's safe to relax, safe to feel, safe to be present without numbing out."

Workbook Integration:
📖 Evening Prompt #1: Nervous System Check-In (rate 1–10 daily) teaches awareness of your state
📖 Tool 2: Box Breathing (5 min) is the most powerful parasympathetic activator (used by Navy SEALs, athletes, therapists)
📖 All 8 tools work on nervous system regulation—consistency is the key to rewiring


Theme 3: You Can Access Healing Energy (Right Now)

What is Reiki?
Reiki (pronounced "ray-key") = "Universal Life Force Energy"
🌟 Rei = Universal, spiritual, sacred
🌟 Ki = Life force energy (also called Chi, Prana, Qi in other traditions)

How It Works:
Energy flows through all living beings. When energy becomes blocked or depleted, illness occurs (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual). Reiki clears blockages, releases trauma, balances the chakras, and promotes healing on all levels.

The Most Important Message:
You don't need to be a Reiki Master to access healing energy.

Julie's Direct Words:
"If you set the intention to channel healing energy to yourself, you can. Rub your hands together, place them on your body, close your eyes, take deep breaths, and say: 'I'm sending myself healing, positive, healthy energy.' You are in control of your reality."

Workbook Integration:
📖 Tool 1: Self-Reiki (7 PM daily) is the foundational practice—7 days of consistent practice builds new neural pathways
📖 Tool 3: The Energetic Hug (anytime) combines self-touch, warmth, and intention for immediate self-compassion
📖 Track in Evening Prompt #2 which chakras you direct energy toward—by day 7, you'll see patterns


Theme 4: Healing is Non-Linear (One Day at a Time)

The Reality:
Recovery doesn't look like a straight line upward. Some days are easy. Some days are impossible. Some moments you feel calm. Other moments you're triggered back to old patterns.

Julie's Perspective:
"If we look at it one day at a time, it simplifies things and takes that stress off our shoulders."

Why This Matters:
🌈 Perfectionism and self-judgment are additional burdens in recovery
🌈 Giving yourself permission to have bad days removes shame
🌈 Non-linear progress is still progress

Workbook Integration:
📖 Success Metrics (end of week) emphasize progress, not perfection
📖 Evening Prompt #3: Gratitude + Release honors both the good AND the hard parts of each day
📖 Weekly Commitment states: "Practice self-compassion when I stumble"—because you will stumble, and that's okay


Theme 5: Trauma Lives in the Tissues (The Body Keeps the Score)

The Science:
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's landmark research shows:
🔬 Trauma isn't just a memory—it's stored in muscles, fascia, organs, and the nervous system
🔬 Talk therapy helps process trauma cognitively, but the body still holds the pattern
🔬 Until you release trauma from the tissues, it continues to affect you

Why This Matters for Addiction:
Many people do years of talk therapy but still feel stuck because they haven't addressed the somatic (body-based) component of their trauma. Reiki, breathwork, movement, and somatic practices are essential.

Workbook Integration:
📖 Somatic Tracking Chart (evening practice) maps exactly where trauma lives in your body for 7 days
📖 By end of week, you'll see patterns: "My shoulders always hold tension" or "My stomach gets tight when I'm triggered"
📖 Then you can direct Tool 1: Self-Reiki toward those specific areas
📖 As tension releases, you have evidence of healing


Theme 6: You Are Not Your Mind (You Are Consciousness)

The Shift:
Most people identify with their thoughts:
🌀 "I am my anxiety" (No—anxiety is what your mind is generating)
🌀 "I am my addiction" (No—addiction is a pattern your nervous system learned)
🌀 "I am my depression" (No—depression is a state your nervous system is in)

The Truth:
You are the awareness observing the thoughts. You are the consciousness beneath the mental chatter. You are the light.

Why This Liberates You:
If you are not your thoughts, then you can:
✨ Notice anxious thoughts without becoming them
✨ Observe cravings without acting on them
✨ See patterns without being controlled by them
✨ Create space between stimulus and response

Workbook Integration:
📖 All 8 tools cultivate this space
📖 Daily breathing (Tool 2) reminds you that you can observe and redirect your nervous system
📖 Chakra work (Tool 5) teaches you to distinguish between "true needs" (from your body/soul) and "fear-based narratives" (from your conditioned mind)


Part 4: The 8 Practical Tools

Julie taught 8 specific tools that participants can use immediately. The companion TSLN Recovery Workbook provides daily implementation:

The Daily Schedule (Flexible):
7:00 AM: Wake, ground, breathe
7:05 AM: Morning Energy Activation (Tool 6)
7:10 AM: Morning Journaling
12:00 PM: Box Breathing (Tool 2)
12:05 PM: Chakra Check-In (Tool 5)
3:00 PM: Grounding Through Feet (Tool 4) if needed
7:00 PM: Self-Reiki (Tool 1)
8:00 PM: Evening Journaling
9:00 PM: Evening Energy Release (Tool 7)

Total Daily Time: ~45 minutes (can be reduced to 20–30 min with Lite Track, or expanded to 60+ min with Deep Dive Track)


Part 5: The Chakra System

Julie guided participants through all 7 chakras during the experiential portion. Understanding chakras helps you locate where your particular blocks live:

🔴 Root Chakra (Red) – Base of spine
🔸 Governs: Safety, security, grounding, survival, stability
🔸 When blocked in addiction: Feeling unsafe, unstable, ungrounded

🟠 Sacral Chakra (Orange) – Lower belly
🔸 Governs: Creativity, sexuality, emotions, pleasure, joy
🔸 When blocked in addiction: Suppressed emotions, shame around pleasure, disconnection from sexuality

🟡 Solar Plexus (Yellow) – Upper stomach
🔸 Governs: Personal power, confidence, self-esteem, willpower
🔸 When blocked in addiction: Low self-worth, powerlessness, lack of agency

💚 Heart Chakra (Green) – Center of chest
🔸 Governs: Love, compassion, connection, forgiveness
🔸 When blocked in addiction: Inability to give/receive love, unhealed grief, isolation

🔵 Throat Chakra (Blue) – Throat
🔸 Governs: Communication, expression, truth-speaking
🔸 When blocked in addiction: Inability to speak truth, suppressed voice, fear of judgment

💜 Third Eye (Indigo) – Forehead center
🔸 Governs: Intuition, insight, perception, clarity, inner knowing
🔸 When blocked in addiction: Disconnection from intuition, lack of clarity, feeling lost

💜 Crown Chakra (Violet) – Top of head
🔸 Governs: Spiritual connection, enlightenment, consciousness, meaning
🔸 When blocked in addiction: Spiritual disconnection, feeling alone in the universe

Workbook Connection:
📖 Tool 5: Chakra Check-In guides you to identify which chakras are blocked each day
📖 Somatic Tracking helps you see patterns: which chakras consistently need work?
📖 Tool 1: Self-Reiki allows you to direct healing energy toward blocked chakras
📖 By week's end, you'll know your personal chakra landscape


Part 6: The Science Behind Energy Healing

Julie (with Carby's help) grounded the spiritual work in science:

1️⃣ Nervous System Regulation (Polyvagal Theory)
Dr. Stephen Porges' research shows the vagus nerve can be in 3 states:
🧠 Ventral Vagal (Safe & Social): Optimal for healing—you feel connected, calm, open
🧠 Sympathetic (Fight/Flight): Defensive state
🧠 Dorsal Vagal (Collapse/Shutdown): Dissociated, numb, depressed

Reiki supports ventral vagal activation—the state where real healing happens.

2️⃣ The Biofield


The human body generates measurable electromagnetic fields:
⚡ The heart emits the strongest biofield (detectable up to 3 feet away)
⚡ The brain generates electrical activity (EEG measurable)
⚡ Reiki practitioners' hands emit measurable electromagnetic frequencies during sessions
⚡ Energy is scientifically real, not mystical

3️⃣ Psychoneuroimmunology (PNI)


The mind, nervous system, and immune system are deeply interconnected:
🔬 Chronic stress weakens immunity
🔬 Meditation and Reiki improve immune function
🔬 What you think (mind) affects how your body heals (immune system)

4️⃣ Neuroplasticity


The brain rewires based on repeated experience:
🧩 Every time you choose breathing over substances, you build a new neural pathway
🧩 By day 7 of daily practice, your brain has formed new associations
🧩 Consistency rewires faster than intensity


Part 7: Companion Materials (eBook & Workbook)

The TSLN eBook ("Julie Hinton-Green's Reiki & Addiction Healing")
📚 50+ pages of theory, science, and deep teaching
📚 Covers nervous system biology, chakra psychology, trauma healing, and more
📚 Provides the "why" behind each tool

NEW: The TSLN Recovery Workbook – Week 1
📚 30+ pages of hands-on daily practice
📚 Structured 45-minute daily schedule (flexible tracks: Lite, Standard, Deep Dive)
📚 Step-by-step guides for all 8 tools with detailed instructions
📚 Morning journaling prompts (choose 1 per day)
📚 Evening journaling prompts (all 3 daily): nervous system check-in, tool log, gratitude + release
📚 Somatic tracking chart (map tension/ease in your body every evening for 7 days)
📚 Success metrics (non-judgmental progress check-in at week's end)
📚 Weekly reflection questions
📚 Affirmations and crisis resources

How They Work Together:
1️⃣ Read eBook: Understand the theory and science (1–2 hours)
2️⃣ Use Workbook: Practice daily and track your experience (45 min/day for 7 days)
3️⃣ Reflect: By day 7, you'll have lived evidence of what's possible

The updated eBook now includes callouts showing exactly which workbook tools and prompts apply to each section—creating seamless integration between theory (eBook) and practice (Workbook).


Part 8: Q&A Highlights

Q1: Do You Offer Sliding Scale Pricing?


Julie's Response: "Absolutely. It's my calling to share Reiki with people. I understand finances are hard. Reach out privately and we'll find something that works for you."


💡 Key Insight: Money should never be a barrier to healing.

Q2: Is Reiki for People at Any Stage of Sobriety?


Julie's Response: "Yes. I have clients who actively drink who come to me. I request they come substance-free, but if they're not there yet, that's okay. Even if you're not alcohol-free, practicing brings healing energy in."


💡 Key Insight: You don't have to be "ready" to deserve healing. Start where you are.

Q3: Can I Do Reiki on Myself, or Do I Need a Master?


Julie's Response: "You absolutely can. Rub your hands together, place them on your body, close your eyes, and say: 'I'm sending myself healing, positive, healthy energy.' You are in control of your reality."


💡 Key Insight: Self-Reiki is free, accessible, and powerful.

Q4: How Long Until I Feel Results?


Julie's Response: "Some people feel deep shifts in a first session. Others take a few sessions. But everyone feels deep relaxation. That becomes your blueprint—your nervous system learns what safety feels like. Then when triggers arise, you remember this state and can return to it."


💡 Key Insight: Consistency builds the blueprint; the nervous system learns through repetition.

Q5: What's Your Final Message?


Julie's Response: "Be consistent. Make the world a better place. Be the light. We are all energy. Raise your vibration. Share light with others."


💡 Key Insight: Recovery is both personal (your own healing) and collective (sharing light with others).


Part 9: The Experiential Session

For the final 30 minutes, Julie guided participants through:

Step 1: Grounding Exercise (5 min)
🧘 Pinch your thumb hard to bring awareness into the body
🧘 Deep breathing to activate the parasympathetic system
🧘 Creating a "physical anchor" to the present moment

Step 2: Qigong-Inspired Movement (5 min)
🧘 Arm movements opening the chest
🧘 Spinal twists clearing stagnant energy
🧘 Hip openers releasing stored emotions
🧘 Grounding through the feet

Step 3: Box Breathing (5 min)
🧘 4-count inhale, 4-count hold, 6-8 count exhale
🧘 Activating nervous system calm
🧘 Preparing for deep energy work

Step 4: Guided Chakra Activation (10 min)
🧘 Hand placements on each of the 7 chakras
🧘 Inquiry questions: "Do I feel safe? Do I feel loved? Can I speak my truth?"
🧘 Breathing healing energy into blocked chakras

Step 5: Distance Reiki Energy Transmission (15 min)
🧘 Julie channeled universal healing energy to all participants
🧘 Guided visualization of golden light filling each chakra
🧘 Instructions to place hands on heart or belly
🧘 Instruction to receive, not to "try" or "make" anything happen

Step 6: Closing (5 min)
🧘 Gentle return to normal consciousness
🧘 Burning of Palo Santo (energetic cleansing)
🧘 Blessing with eagle feather
🧘 Closing affirmation: "Namaste" (the light in me honors the light in you)

Participant Experiences:
💬 Karen: "This was absolutely incredible. Thank you so much."
💬 Genevieve: "Resonating." (engaged throughout)
💬 John P. (Brooklyn): "Great session."
💬 Multiple participants felt warm, tingling, peaceful, or experienced emotional releases


Part 10: Integration & Next Steps

For Participants:

1️⃣ If you attended the live session:
🔸 Access the eBook for deeper learning
🔸 Start the Recovery Workbook today (Day 1 starts now)
🔸 Practice the tools daily for 7 days
🔸 Track your progress (somatic chart, nervous system rating, journaling)
🔸 Revisit on day 7 and notice what shifted

2️⃣ If you're new to this work:
🔸 Download the updated eBook (includes workbook integration prompts)
🔸 Start the Recovery Workbook – Week 1
🔸 Begin with Tool 2 (Box Breathing) and Tool 6 (Morning Activation)
🔸 Build from there after 2–3 days

3️⃣ If you want to deepen the practice:
🔸 Book a distance Reiki session with Julie (sliding scale available)
🔸 Find a local Reiki practitioner in your area
🔸 Combine this work with therapy, 12-Step programs, or other recovery modalities
🔸 Join TSLN Friday sessions weekly (free, judgment-free community)

For TSLN Community:

The Recovery Workbook will be updated weekly as new speakers present:
📖 Week 2: New speaker, new tools, integrated workbook
📖 Week 3: Another voice, building on previous weeks
📖 Ongoing: A growing library of speaker wisdom + practical implementation guides

Each workbook provides:
📖 Specific tools from that week's speaker
📖 Daily schedule template
📖 Journaling prompts
📖 Tracking sheets
📖 Success metrics

By the end of 4 weeks, you'll have practiced 4 different approaches to healing.


Part 11: Accessibility & Inclusivity

TSLN's commitment to accessibility:

Financial:
💰 Free weekly Zoom sessions (Fridays 7–8 PM EST)
💰 Free eBooks and workbooks
💰 Sliding scale pricing for direct Reiki sessions with Julie
💰 All content available to anyone, anywhere

Accessibility for Different Backgrounds:
🌈 Julie welcomes skeptics: "Just try it with an open mind"
🌈 No religious requirement: "Focus on your own belief system"
🌈 No special preparation needed: "Just show up"
🌈 Judgment-free: "Cameras on or off—your choice"

Global Reach:
🌍 Online accessibility allows participation from any time zone
🌍 Materials available for international audience
🌍 Plans to expand to India, Nigeria, and other continents

For Healthcare Providers:
🏥 Clinicians, therapists, and professionals welcome
🏥 TSLN serves as a vital platform to connect with the community you serve
🏥 Integration with clinical recovery models (not replacement)


Part 12: Contact & Resources

Speaker:
Julie Hinton-Green, Reiki Master
🔗 Website: https://juliehintongreen.com/
🔗
Email: [email protected]
🔗 Services: Reiki (in-person & distance), Timeline Therapy, NLP
🔗 Location: Toronto, Canada (distance sessions available globally)
🔗 Sliding scale: Yes

Toronto Sober Living Network:
🔗 Website: https://soberlivingnetwork.org
🔗
Linktr: https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
🔗
Email: [email protected]
🔗 Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network
🔗
Weekly Sessions: Fridays 7–8 PM EST (Free, open to public)

Crisis Resources:
🆘 Canada Suicide Prevention Service: 1-833-456-4566 (24/7)
🆘 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
🆘 Telehealth Ontario: 1-866-797-0000
🆘 Local mental health clinic or family doctor

Recovery Support:
🤝 Alcoholics Anonymous: aa.org
🤝 Narcotics Anonymous: na.org
🤝 SMART Recovery: smartrecovery.org
🤝 Addiction Rehab Toronto: Where Julie works


Part 13: The Larger Vision

Why This Matters:

For decades, addiction recovery focused on "stopping the behavior" (abstinence) and cognitive processing (therapy). This helped millions. But many people still felt stuck, still craved, still couldn't regulate their nervous systems without substances.

Julie's work (and TSLN's platform) represents a paradigm shift: Healing requires meeting the person where they are—mind, body, spirit, energy—simultaneously.

This means:
💫 Traditional therapy (still essential)
💫 Plus 12-Step programs (still valuable)
💫 Plus somatic/body-based healing (Reiki, breathwork, movement)
💫 Plus nervous system regulation tools (breathing, grounding, energy work)
💫 Plus community and connection (TSLN's peer-led model)

The Result:

People don't just stop using substances—they reclaim their lives. They:
🌟 Reconnect with their bodies (which substances numbed)
🌟 Regulate their nervous systems (so they don't need substances to calm down)
🌟 Release stored trauma (so old patterns don't keep triggering)
🌟 Access their own healing power (so they don't stay dependent on external fixes)
🌟 Connect with community (so they know they're not alone)


✨ Final Words

Julie's closing message to the community:

"From the bottom of my heart, I hope you can have a relaxing rest of the night. Drink a ton of water. Look into Reiki. I'm sure there's a Reiki master that lives near you. I'm sure there's somebody around you. See what it feels like to start bringing in this channeled energy. Namaste."

And Carby's closing to TSLN:

"Be safe tonight. If you're driving, the roads are treacherous. Until next Friday, have a good night."


🎓 Conclusion

The January 16, 2026 TSLN session with Julie Hinton-Green was a landmark event—the first hybrid education and experiential workshop combining theory with live practice. Participants left with:

Understanding: Why energy-based healing is essential to recovery
Tools: 8 specific practices they can use daily
Experience: Lived evidence of what nervous system healing feels like
Resources: Comprehensive eBook + daily Recovery Workbook
Community: Connection to TSLN's global peer network
Hope: Proof that transformation is possible, one breath at a time

The companion TSLN Recovery Workbook – Week 1 extends this work into daily life, making the abstract (energy healing, nervous system science) into the concrete (daily practice, tracking, journaling, reflection).

By the end of 7 days, participants will have their own data proving what Julie taught: healing energy is real, accessible, and transformative.


Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Toronto Sober Living Network
🔗 https://soberlivingnetwork.org
📧
[email protected]
👥 https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

Next TSLN Friday: New speaker. New tools. Same transformative commitment to recovery.


Event Documentation Date: January 19, 2026
Materials Created: eBook (Updated with Workbook Integration) + Recovery Workbook – Week 1 (PDF-ready)
Access: All materials available free to TSLN community members and registered participants


🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
[email protected]
🔗 Registration: https://SoberLivingNetwork.org
👥
Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network


TSLN Friday Night Zoom - January 9, 2026

📋 Event Overview

Date: Friday, January 9, 2026
Time: 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM EST
Speaker: Chef Devan Rajkumar (Chef Dev)
Format: Free Virtual Zoom Event

About Chef Dev

Chef Devan Rajkumar is a Guyanese-Canadian chef, TV personality, Food Network Canada judge, and author of the cookbook "Mad Love" (2024). With 4.75+ years of continuous sobriety, Chef Dev is a recovery advocate who uses his platform to break stigma around addiction—especially in communities where it's taboo.

The Core Message

Addiction has no exceptions. Success, talent, visibility, and money don't protect you from addiction. Recovery is possible—not because you're special, but because there are people and tools waiting to help you.

Key Themes

🔹 Success doesn't protect you from addiction
🔹 Functioning ≠ healthy
🔹 Unprocessed trauma fuels addiction
🔹 Community is non-negotiable
🔹 Recovery is not linear
🔹 Resentment is poison; forgiveness is freedom
🔹 One moment at a time is enough

Chef Dev's Story (Summary)

Chef Dev grew up in a Guyanese-Canadian household where alcohol was normalized and vulnerability was forbidden. He filled unmet paternal love with substances in high school. After his brother's suicide in 2006, he spiraled deeper. Despite professional success (TV, restaurants, billboards), he was a "highly functioning addict" hiding a dark secret. After hitting rock bottom in 2020-2021, he entered treatment, committed 100%, and rebuilt his life through community, spirituality, and service. He's now 4.75+ years sober and dedicated to helping others in recovery.

10 Key Takeaways

Addiction has no exceptions

Functioning ≠ healthy

Community is non-negotiable

Unprocessed trauma fuels addiction

Resentment is poison; forgiveness is freedom

Recovery is not linear

One day (or moment) at a time

Gratitude changes everything

Service gives life meaning

You are not alone—recovery is possible

Practical Tools Shared

✅ "This Too Shall Pass" mantra
✅ One moment at a time practice
✅ Letter-writing for processing resentment
✅ Gratitude journal (daily practice)
✅ Keeping recovery front and center
✅ Building sponsor relationships
✅ Self-compassion & kindness to self
✅ Seva (selfless service)

Who This Serves

🔹 People in recovery (all stages)
🔹 Individuals in active addiction
🔹 Family members and friends supporting someone
🔹 Healthcare professionals and therapists
🔹 Anyone struggling with substance abuse or trauma
🔹 People from cultures where addiction is taboo
🔹 Anyone seeking hope and connection

Resources

📥 Full eBook: Download the comprehensive 75,000+ word eBook for deep-dive insights, neuroscience explanations, and guided reflection exercises
📞 Chef Dev's Platforms: Instagram @chefdevan | TikTok @chefdevan | Facebook @DevanRajkumar | YouTube @chefdevanofficial
🔗 Chef Dev's Website: chefdev.ca
📖 Cookbook: "Mad Love" (2024)

Next Steps

🔹 Download the full eBook for guided reflection and practical exercises
🔹 Attend next Friday's TSLN session (7-8 PM EST)
🔹 Find a meeting or support group near you
🔹 Reach out to someone in recovery
🔹 Try one of the practical tools this week


📖 Expanded Event Details

Event: Toronto Sober Living Network Friday Night Session
Date: Friday, January 9, 2026
Time: 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM EST
Format: Free Virtual Zoom Event (Open to Public)
Host: Carby Sum, TSLN Community Coordinator
Guest Speaker: Chef Devan Rajkumar (Chef Dev)
Theme: Breaking the Stigma – Why These Conversations Matter


About Chef Devan Rajkumar (Chef Dev)

Professional Background:


Chef Devan Rajkumar is a Guyanese-Canadian chef, TV personality, author, and culinary storyteller. He is a graduate of George Brown College in Toronto, has appeared as a guest chef on Cityline (CTV), and serves as a judge on Food Network Canada's "Fire Masters." In 2024, he released his debut cookbook "Mad Love," which celebrates his roots and travels through Indo-Caribbean and South Asian cuisine.

Recovery Background:


With 4.75+ years of continuous sobriety (as of January 2026), Chef Dev is deeply committed to recovery work. He completed treatment at ART in March 2021 and has been dedicated to the 12-Step program, therapy, and peer mentorship ever since. As a sponsor, mentor, and recovery advocate, Chef Dev uses his platform to normalize recovery conversations—especially in communities where addiction is deeply taboo.

Why His Story Matters:


Chef Dev represents a critical demographic often underrepresented in recovery narratives: Brown men in recovery from cultures where addiction is shameful and asking for help is forbidden. His success (TV career, cookbook deal, financial stability) and his addiction coexist—proving that no amount of external achievement protects you from addiction. His willingness to be publicly vulnerable about his struggle and recovery is revolutionary for his communities.


Event Mission

To create judgment-free spaces where recovery stories are shared authentically, removing the shame and silence that keeps so many people suffering alone. Chef Dev's presentation demonstrates that:

✅ Success doesn't protect you from addiction
✅ You can be "highly functioning" while secretly dying inside
✅ Unprocessed trauma fuels substance abuse
✅ Recovery is possible—not because you're special, but because there are tools and people ready to help
✅ Community, spirituality, and service are essential to lasting recovery


Core Themes Explored

1. Addiction Has No Exceptions


Chef Dev had a TV career, was on billboards, had financial resources, and appeared successful to the world—yet he was a "highly functioning addict" hiding a dark secret. Success, talent, visibility, money—none of these protect you from addiction. Denial actually gets stronger with success.

2. Functioning ≠ Healthy


Chef Dev could pay his bills, show up to work, maintain relationships on the surface—but he was constantly anxious, ashamed, on no sleep, and spiritually empty. Functional and healthy are not the same thing. Recovery requires moving from "going through the motions" to genuine health.

3. Addiction is a Symptom of Deeper Pain


🔹Chef Dev wasn't using because he liked how it felt. He was using to escape how he felt when sober. His addiction masked:

🔹Unmet paternal love (his father was emotionally unavailable)

🔹Unprocessed grief (his brother's suicide in 2006)

🔹Identity and belonging issues

🔹Generational trauma running through his family lineage

4. Community is Non-Negotiable


After 10 months sober, Chef Dev moved away from his support system, lost contact with his sponsor, stopped attending meetings—and relapsed. When he recommitted in 2021, he rebuilt community (meetings, sponsor, online support, family), and that's what has sustained his recovery.

5. Recovery is Not Linear


Chef Dev didn't "fail" when he relapsed in 2016. He learned. He came back 5 years later with a different approach. Recovery has up days, down days, relapses, and recommitments. That's normal and expected.

6. Resentment is Poison; Forgiveness is Freedom


In treatment, Chef Dev did letter-writing exercises with his father. Through multiple drafts, he moved from blame to empathy to understanding. He forgave his father—not because his father deserved it, but because Chef Dev deserved peace. His relationship with his father transformed.

7. One Day (or One Moment) at a Time


Early recovery felt impossible to Chef Dev. So he scaled down: not forever, not a year, not even a week—just this moment. Just this hour. One second at a time. That made it manageable.


Chef Dev's Journey: The Story

The Beginning (Childhood)


Chef Dev grew up in a Guyanese-Canadian household where alcohol was deeply embedded in cultural celebrations and normalized from a young age. His father—who grew up without a father in Guyana—was emotionally unavailable, yelling and screaming. His mother was warm and nurturing. Chef Dev felt different, had insecurities, and needed acceptance he didn't receive.

In high school, he was introduced to marijuana and alcohol early. His use accelerated quickly. He describes finding a "safe space" in substances—they felt like the warm hug and validation he wasn't getting from his father.

Boarding School & University (Age 18-20)


His father sent him to private boarding school in Nova Scotia, hoping it would address his substance use. Instead, it exposed him to more drugs and worse habits. By university, he was using heavily and failed out of Wilfrid Laurier after his first year.

The Tragedy (2006, Age 20-21)


After failing university, he moved in with his older brother Jai (his best friend). But soon after, Jai died by suicide in New York. Instead of processing this devastating loss, Chef Dev used it as permission to spiral deeper into addiction. He buried 15 years of grief, trauma, PTSD, and depression.

The Highly Functioning Addict Years (2015-2021)


After his first treatment stint at Renaissance (2015), Chef Dev got 10 months clean. But when he moved downtown for a job at a high-end restaurant, he lost his support system and relapsed on day 299. What followed was 5 years of hidden addiction:

🔹On TV and in commercials (appearing successful)

🔹On billboards and building a brand

🔹Using daily and hating himself

🔹Ashamed of his "dirty, dark secret"

🔹Knowing the solution existed but unwilling to take it

Rock Bottom (2020-2021)


During COVID lockdowns, despite having money and resources, Chef Dev hit another rock bottom. He experienced extreme chest pain (hospital visits), wrote desperate notes to himself begging to stop, and broke his own promises within days. He was "basically on his knees."

The Turn (May 2021)


After months of crisis, Chef Dev reached out to Eric B. from his previous treatment. He got into ART treatment and gave it 100% effort. Through therapy, writing letters to his father, and doing deep emotional work, Chef Dev processed:

🔹His unmet need for paternal love

🔹15 years of unprocessed grief

🔹His patterns of resentment and blame

🔹His capacity for forgiveness and understanding

The Recommitment (May 2021 – Present)


When leaving treatment, his sponsor asked: "Have you ever given this 100%?" Chef Dev said no. That day, he decided to commit everything he had—not 90%, not 99%, but 100%. He:

🔹Worked consistently with a sponsor

🔹Attended meetings and built community

🔹Developed a spiritual practice

🔹Became a sponsor and mentor to others

🔹Used his platform to carry the recovery message

🔹Practiced daily gratitude and service

Result: 4.75+ years of continuous sobriety (as of January 2026)


The Science Behind the Story

Chef Dev's journey illustrates key concepts in addiction neuroscience:

Reward System & Conditioning:


When Chef Dev used, his brain released dopamine, creating neural pathways associating substances with comfort, escape, and belonging. Over time, these pathways became so strong his brain treated substances as a necessity.

Unprocessed Trauma & the Body:


Chef Dev's brother's death created trauma his nervous system carried for 15 years. Unprocessed trauma stays in the body, driving continued substance use as a coping mechanism. Healing requires bringing it to consciousness and processing it in safe spaces.

Attachment & Paternal Love:


Humans are biologically wired to receive love from both parents. Chef Dev's mother provided secure attachment, but his father didn't. This created an attachment gap he filled with substances. Recovery involved grieving what he didn't receive and building chosen family.

Shame & Isolation:


Shame drives hiding, lying, and isolation. Chef Dev's layers of shame kept him hidden for years. The antidote to shame is honesty, vulnerability, and community—which is why Chef Dev's public recovery work is so powerful.

Neuroplasticity & Forgiveness:


Through letter-writing and empathy practice, Chef Dev literally rewired his brain. His brain shifted from anger-based pathways to empathy-based ones. Forgiveness deactivates the threat system and activates the reasoning system.

Community & Nervous System Regulation:


When Chef Dev had community (meetings, sponsor, people), his nervous system stayed regulated. When he isolated (after moving downtown in 2016), his nervous system went into threat mode and he relapsed. Recovery requires consistent access to safe people and places.


Practical Tools Shared

Chef Dev offered 8 evidence-based tools readers can implement immediately:

1. "This Too Shall Pass"


When overwhelmed, pause and repeat: "This too shall pass." Nothing is permanent. The difficult feeling will shift.

2. One Moment at a Time


Break recovery into manageable pieces. Can't do forever? Can you do this hour? This moment? Start there.

3. Letter-Writing for Resentment


Write an angry letter to someone you resent. Then rewrite it from their perspective. Repeat to build empathy and release resentment.

4. Gratitude Journal


Write three things you're grateful for each morning and night. Shifts your nervous system from threat-detection to appreciation.

5. Keeping Recovery Front & Center


In early recovery, recovery can't be background noise. Attend meetings, talk to your sponsor, read recovery literature, meditate daily.

6. Building Sponsor Relationships


Find someone with recovery you respect. Ask if they sponsor. Work the 12 Steps together. Let them help carry the weight.

7. Self-Compassion


Speak to yourself like you'd speak to a friend in pain. Be kind. Acknowledge mistakes and learn from them.

8. Seva (Selfless Service)


Serve others without seeking credit. Sponsor someone. Work at a meeting. Help anonymously. Service gets you out of self-centeredness and gives recovery meaning.


Q&A Highlights

Q: How Do You Keep Going in Early Recovery?


Chef Dev: "One second at a time. Early recovery is exhausting, but it does get easier. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. You don't have to figure out forever—just this moment."

Q: About Social Media & Addiction?


Chef Dev: "If it's triggering you—if you're comparing, getting anxious—remove it. Just like you'd avoid a bar or using buddies. Recovery comes first."

Q: Is Treatment Essential?


Chef Dev: "Treatment has a low success rate. What matters is: you put your hand up and say 'I have a problem,' you're honest and willing, and you have support. Without those, treatment won't stick. It's your willingness that matters."

Q: What Are the Three Essential Components?


Chef Dev: "Community, accountability, and spirituality. Plus I'd add service. Service gets you out of self-centeredness and gives recovery meaning."

Q: What One Thing Should Everyone Know?


Chef Dev: "Gratitude. Every single day. It shifts your mindset and ties directly to service. Start with three things—even small things like 'I'm breathing.'"


Key Takeaways

1. Addiction Has No Exceptions


Success doesn't protect you. Ask for help now, not when it "looks like" you need it.

2. Functioning ≠ Healthy


You can pay bills but be falling apart inside. Recovery means moving to genuine health.

3. Community is Non-Negotiable


You can't do this alone. Find your people—meetings, sponsor, friends, family, online community.

4. Unprocessed Trauma Fuels Addiction


Healing requires addressing underlying pain, not just stopping the behavior.

5. Resentment is Poison; Forgiveness is Freedom


Forgive for yourself, not for them. Let go of the weight.

6. Recovery is Not Linear


Relapses aren't failure. They're data. Come back and try differently.

7. One Moment at a Time


Don't think about forever. This moment. This breath. That's enough.

8. Gratitude Changes Everything


Daily gratitude shifts from scarcity to abundance, from self-centeredness to service.

9. Service Gives Life Meaning


Once stable, helping others gives recovery its deepest purpose.

10. You Are Not Alone


Millions have walked this path. People are waiting to help. Recovery is possible.


Who This Session Serves

🔹 People in recovery (early, middle, late stages)
🔹 Individuals in active addiction seeking alternatives
🔹 Family members and friends supporting someone
🔹 Healthcare professionals and therapists
🔹 Anyone struggling with substance abuse or trauma
🔹 People from cultures where addiction is taboo
🔹 Anyone feeling isolated, ashamed, or hopeless
🔹 People wondering: "Can I really recover?"

Answer: Yes. If Chef Dev can do it—with all his complications, his grief, his cultural barriers, his relapse, his rock bottom—so can you.


Resources & Next Steps

Full eBook (75,000+ words)
Download the comprehensive eBook for:

🔹Chef Dev's complete life story

🔹Detailed neuroscience explanations

🔹8 practical tools with exercises

🔹30+ reflection prompts

🔹Q&A analysis

🔹Guided reflection questions

Chef Dev's Platforms
Follow Chef Dev for ongoing recovery content mixed with culinary inspiration:

🔹Instagram: @chefdevan

🔹TikTok: @chefdevan

🔹Facebook: @DevanRajkumar

🔹YouTube: @chefdevanofficial

🔹Website: chefdev.ca

🔹Cookbook: "Mad Love" (2024)

Toronto Sober Living Network
Continue your recovery journey with us:

🔹Every Friday 7-8 PM EST: Free virtual sessions

🔹Website: soberlivingnetwork.org

🔹Email: [email protected]

🔹Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

🔹All Links: https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork

Find Support

🔹AA/NA meetings: aa.org or na.org

🔹Addiction helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (US) or call 211 (Canada)

🔹Crisis text: Text HOME to 741741

🔹Therapy: Find a trauma-informed therapist in your area


Final Message

Chef Dev's story is proof that recovery is possible—not because you're special or have the right resources, but because there are tools, people, and communities ready to support you.

Whether you're:
✅ Just considering recovery
✅ Early in recovery
✅ Struggling in the middle
✅ Rebuilding after relapse
✅ Years sober and thriving
✅ Supporting someone else

Chef Dev's message is clear:

"You're not alone. It's possible. One day at a time. Keep showing up. The community is waiting for you."


Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Toronto Sober Living Network
Every Friday 7-8 PM EST
🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
[email protected]
👥 https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

TSLN Friday Night Zoom - January 2, 2026

TSLN Friday Night Zoom Event Summary

Self-Mastery: Building a Life Beyond Healing

January 2, 2026


📋 Event Overview

On January 2, 2026, the Toronto Sober Living Network kicked off the new year with a transformative session featuring Pamela Lopez, founder of The Self-Mastery Protocol, wellness coach, talk therapist, and advocate for conscious personal transformation. Based in Toronto, Ontario, Pamela brought expertise in psychology, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), shadow work integration, and conscious evolution to address a question that haunts many people who have completed traditional healing work: "I'm healed, now what?"

Titled "Self-Mastery: Building a Life Beyond Healing," the session challenged the assumption that healing alone is enough. Pamela introduced the critical distinction between healing (processing trauma, building awareness, developing coping skills) and self-mastery (knowing yourself so intimately that you understand your triggers, recognize negative core beliefs, integrate your shadow self, and live with conscious intentionality).

The core message: Healing gets you to functional. Self-mastery gets you to thriving.

Across her keynote presentation and engaged Q&A, Pamela addressed:

✨ The critical difference between healing and self-mastery

✨ How negative core beliefs form early in life and become the bedrock for all patterns

✨ Understanding and integrating the shadow self

✨ Using CBT effectively to challenge inherited narratives

✨ Why community (positive or absent) determines how deeply pain is carried

✨ The Four Stages of Competence applied to self-mastery

✨ How to identify whose voice is really in your head—and how to emotionally detach from it

✨ Building your own healthy belief framework

✨ Practical tools for becoming a master of yourself

Participants left understanding that:

✅ Healing processes trauma; self-mastery builds a conscious, intentional life

✅ You can be healed and still reactive, triggered, and unaware

✅ Self-mastery is a skill you can acquire through consistent practice

✅ Negative core beliefs aren't yours—they're voices you've internalized

✅ Your shadow self isn't your enemy; it's the key to integration and wholeness

✅ Community determines resilience—the same experience produces different outcomes based on support

✅ You weren't born hating yourself; those beliefs came from somewhere (and someone)

✅ Once you recognize the voice isn't yours, you can detach, reframe, forgive, and rebuild

✅ Self-mastery isn't about perfection; it's about narrowing the gap between feeling and conscious action

Theme: From Healing to Self-Mastery—Becoming the Master of Yourself

Format: Keynote presentation, interactive Q&A, practical tools, and authentic dialogue

Attendance: TSLN members, people in recovery at all stages, suicide survivors, codependents, family members, mental health professionals, and supporters across North America

Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

🔗 Resources: https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork

📧 Email: [email protected]

🔗 Registration: https://SoberLivingNetwork.org

👥 Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network


Featured Speaker

Pamela Lopez — Founder, The Self-Mastery Protocol

Professional & Lived-Experience Background

🧠 Wellness Coach & Talk Therapist

🔹 Founder of The Self-Mastery Protocol, a mentoring and coaching methodology focused on the critical phase after healing

🔹 Specializes in self-mastery, core belief reconstruction, shadow work integration, and conscious personal transformation

🔹 Uses psychology, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and conscious evolution frameworks to help clients move beyond healing into intentional self-development

🔹 Works with recovering addicts, suicide survivors, codependents, and individuals navigating major life transitions

💡 Core Philosophy: Healing vs. Self-Mastery

🔹 Healing = Processing trauma, building awareness, learning coping skills, becoming functional

🔹 Self-Mastery = Knowing yourself so intimately you understand your triggers, recognize negative core beliefs, integrate your shadow, and live with conscious intentionality

🔹 Healing asks: "What happened to me?" Self-mastery asks: "Who am I now, and who do I want to become?"

🔹 Mission: Help people move from unconscious reactivity to conscious self-awareness

🔍 Areas of Expertise

🔹 Negative Core Beliefs: Identifying the inherited narratives planted early in life (toxic upbringing, repetitive rejection, childhood trauma) that act as bedrock for every thought, feeling, and relationship pattern

🔹 Shadow Work Integration: Bringing the unconscious shadow self to consciousness so it no longer sabotages you

🔹 Attachment Patterns: Understanding how anxious attachment, codependency, and unworthiness beliefs drive behavior

🔹 Community Impact: Recognizing that community (positive or absent) is the deciding factor in how deeply someone carries pain

🔹 Emotional Regulation: Building the skill to feel emotions fully while narrowing the gap between feeling and conscious action

🔹 Four Stages of Competence: Using this framework to help clients move from unconscious incompetence (unaware of destructive patterns) to unconscious competence (self-mastery becomes automatic)

🎯 Client-Centered Approach

🔹 Empowers clients to identify patterns, challenge inherited narratives, and build healthy frameworks for lasting change

🔹 Emphasizes accountability, community support, and conscious self-awareness as foundations for transformation

🔹 Creates safe space for clients to explore their internal world through somatic work, CBT, emotional detachment practices, and reframing exercises

🔹 Believes every person is the expert on their own life; her role is to guide them in discovering their own answers

📍 Location & Vision

🔹 Based in Toronto, Ontario; serves clients locally and online

🔹 Creates spaces—whether in-person or digital—where honest, shame-free conversations about mental health, addiction, codependency, and personal transformation can flourish

🔹 Mission: "Challenge the voices in your head that say you're not good enough. Recognize whose voice it really is. Detach, reframe, forgive, and build your own healthy belief framework."

Key Message

"Healing is phase one. Self-mastery is what comes next."

Pamela teaches that healing gets you to baseline—functional, stable, aware. But self-mastery takes you beyond that: knowing yourself so intimately you can recognize triggers as they arise, understand the narratives driving your reactions, and consciously choose how to respond. It's not about being immune to rejection or pain; it's about narrowing the gap between feeling something and acting on it unconsciously.

Self-mastery is the skill of becoming the master of yourself—and it can be learned.

Websites & Contact

Primary Platform:

🔗 Website: https://www.selfmasteryprotocol.ca/about

🔗 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@selfmasteryprotocol

Social Media:

🔹 LinkedIn: Pamela Lopez (Self-Mastery Protocol)

🔹 Instagram/Facebook: Follow The Self-Mastery Protocol

Contact:

📧 Email: Available through website contact form

📚 Topics Covered

1. The Missing Piece: The "Now What?" Gap After Healing

Pamela opened with a powerful observation:

The Problem: Healing Isn't Self-Mastery

🔹 Most recovery programs, therapy models, and healing frameworks focus on getting people to functional

🔹 They teach trauma processing, emotional regulation, coping skills, relapse prevention, and basic self-care

🔹 But they rarely address: "I'm healed. I've processed my trauma. Now what do I do with the rest of my life?"

🔹 People finish therapy or treatment, return to their lives, and realize: "I'm no longer broken, but I'm also not whole. What's next?"

The Gap

🔹 Healing gets you to baseline: stable, functional, aware

🔹 Self-mastery takes you beyond: thriving, intentional, conscious, integrated

🔹 Without self-mastery, people can be healed but still reactive, triggered, lost, or living on autopilot

🔹 The gap between healing and self-mastery is where people get stuck—and where Pamela's work begins

Her Framework

Pamela contrasts healing and self-mastery with a workplace example:

Healed Person:

🔹 Boss criticizes their work

🔹 They process the rejection, feel hurt, bounce back eventually

🔹 Functional, but emotionally reactive

Self-Mastered Person:

🔹 Boss criticizes their work

🔹 They feel the same emotions (disappointment, frustration, hurt)

🔹 But they recognize: "This is criticism of my work, not my worth"

🔹 They use the feedback as personal insight to grow

🔹 The gap between feeling and conscious action is narrow

🔹 They respond intentionally, not reactively

Key Insight: Self-mastery isn't about not feeling; it's about feeling fully while maintaining conscious awareness of what's happening inside you.

2. What Is Self-Mastery?

Pamela provided a comprehensive definition:

Self-Mastery = Knowing Yourself So Intimately You Understand Your Triggers and Can Handle Them

🔹 It's a skill—not a personality trait, not something you're born with

🔹 It can be acquired through consistent practice (using frameworks like the Four Stages of Competence)

🔹 It involves:

👉 Understanding your triggers at a granular level

👉 Recognizing your negative core beliefs and where they came from

👉 Bringing your shadow self to consciousness so it stops sabotaging you

👉 Building emotional regulation so you feel emotions without being controlled by them

👉 Living with conscious intentionality—making choices aligned with who you want to be, not who trauma made you

The Four Stages of Competence Framework

Pamela uses this framework to explain how self-mastery develops:

Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence

🔹 You don't know that you're stuck in destructive patterns

🔹 Example: "You don't know you're an addict. You don't see the self-destructive patterns. You're just living."

🔹 You're unaware and unskilled

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence

🔹 You become aware of the pattern but don't yet have the skills to change it

🔹 Example: "You realize you have an addiction problem. You see the damage. But you don't know how to stop."

🔹 You're aware but still struggling

Stage 3: Conscious Competence

🔹 You've learned the skills and are actively applying them—but it takes effort

🔹 Example: "You've learned sobriety tools, you go to meetings, you practice CBT. But you have to think about it every day."

🔹 You're skilled but it's not automatic yet

Stage 4: Unconscious Competence (Self-Mastery)

🔹 The skills have become second nature; you no longer have to think about them

🔹 Example: "Sobriety is just who you are now. You recognize triggers instantly, respond consciously, and move through life with ease."

🔹 You've mastered the skill; it's integrated into your being

Key Teaching: Self-mastery is reaching Stage 4—where healthy patterns, conscious awareness, and intentional living become automatic.

3. Negative Core Beliefs: The Bedrock of All Patterns

Pamela's most critical teaching: Negative core beliefs are sewn into us early in life and act as the bedrock for everything we think, feel, and do.

How Negative Core Beliefs Form

🔹 Toxic upbringing: Parents or caregivers who criticized, shamed, neglected, or abused

🔹 Repetitive rejection: Being told repeatedly (directly or indirectly) that you're not good enough, not lovable, not worthy

🔹 Childhood trauma: Physical, emotional, sexual abuse; witnessing violence; unstable home environments

🔹 Formative relationships: Early romantic relationships, friendships, or authority figures who reinforced negative messages

Examples of Negative Core Beliefs

🔹 "I am not enough."

🔹 "I am unlovable."

🔹 "I am broken."

🔹 "I am a burden."

🔹 "I don't deserve happiness."

🔹 "If I speak my truth, I will be abandoned."

🔹 "If I'm not perfect, I'm worthless."

How They Operate

🔹 Once formed, these beliefs become the lens through which you interpret everything

🔹 They drive your thoughts ("I knew this wouldn't work out")

🔹 They shape your feelings (constant anxiety, shame, worthlessness)

🔹 They dictate your behaviors (self-sabotage, avoidance, people-pleasing, addiction)

🔹 They create relationship patterns (anxious attachment, codependency, fear of abandonment)

Pamela's Framework for Addressing Core Beliefs

Step 1: Identify the Belief

🔹 Notice recurring patterns (e.g., "Every time someone criticizes me, I spiral")

🔹 Ask: "What belief is driving this reaction?"

Step 2: Identify Whose Voice It Is

🔹 The belief isn't yours—it's someone else's voice you've internalized

🔹 Ask: "Whose voice is this? My mother's? My father's? A past partner's? Society's?"

🔹 Example: "The voice saying 'you're not good enough' sounds exactly like my father."

Step 3: Emotionally Detach

🔹 Recognize: "This isn't my truth. This is their projection onto me."

🔹 Create distance: "That's their voice, not mine."

Step 4: Reframe

🔹 Challenge the belief with evidence:

👉 "Actually, I am capable. Look at what I've accomplished."

👉 "Actually, I am lovable. Look at the people who care about me."

Step 5: Forgive

🔹 Forgive the person whose voice it was (even if they never apologize)

🔹 Forgive yourself for carrying the belief so long

🔹 Let go of the resentment so you can move forward

Step 6: Build Your Own Healthy Belief Framework

🔹 Replace the negative belief with a conscious, self-generated one:

👉 "I am enough, exactly as I am."

👉 "I am worthy of love and belonging."

👉 "I am resilient and capable of growth."

Key Message: "Challenge the voice saying you're not good enough. It isn't yours. Once you identify whose voice it is, emotionally detach, reframe, forgive, and build your own healthy belief framework."

4. The Shadow Self: Integration, Not Elimination

Pamela introduced the concept of the shadow self—the parts of ourselves we've hidden, denied, or suppressed because we were taught they were unacceptable.

What Is the Shadow Self?

🔹 The shadow is the unconscious parts of yourself that you've disowned

🔹 These can be:

👉 Negative traits (anger, jealousy, selfishness, laziness)

👉 Positive traits (creativity, confidence, ambition, sensitivity) that you were shamed for expressing

🔹 When you deny these parts, they don't disappear—they operate unconsciously, sabotaging you

Why the Shadow Forms

🔹 As children, we learn which parts of us are acceptable and which are not

🔹 If expressing anger got you punished, you learned to suppress anger

🔹 If being ambitious made you "too much," you learned to dim your light

🔹 If being sensitive was called "weak," you learned to hide your emotions

🔹 Over time, these suppressed parts become the shadow

How the Shadow Sabotages You

🔹 Projection: You see in others what you've denied in yourself (e.g., you judge others for being "selfish" because you've suppressed your own needs)

🔹 Impulsive behavior: The shadow leaks out in unconscious ways (e.g., sudden rage, self-destructive choices)

🔹 Repetitive patterns: You keep attracting the same toxic relationships, sabotaging success, or repeating old mistakes

🔹 Emotional triggers: Seemingly small things provoke outsized reactions because they touch the shadow

Shadow Work Integration

Pamela teaches that the goal isn't to eliminate the shadow—it's to integrate it.

Step 1: Bring It to Consciousness

🔹 Notice patterns, triggers, and projections

🔹 Ask: "What part of myself am I denying?"

Step 2: Accept It

🔹 Acknowledge: "Yes, I have anger. Yes, I have ambition. Yes, I can be selfish."

🔹 Stop judging it as "bad"

Step 3: Understand It

🔹 Explore: "Why did I suppress this part? What was I afraid of?"

🔹 Compassionately examine the roots

Step 4: Integrate It

🔹 Allow the shadow parts to have a seat at the table

🔹 Use them consciously (e.g., healthy anger sets boundaries; healthy ambition drives success)

🔹 When integrated, the shadow loses its power to sabotage you

Key Teaching: "Your shadow self isn't your enemy. It's the key to becoming whole. When you integrate it, you stop being hijacked by unconscious impulses and start living consciously."

5. Attachment Patterns, Codependency, and Anxious Attachment

Pamela explored how negative core beliefs shape attachment patterns—especially anxious attachment and codependency.

Anxious Attachment

🔹 Rooted in the core belief: "I am not enough. If I'm not perfect, I'll be abandoned."

🔹 Creates constant need for reassurance

🔹 Leads to catastrophizing (e.g., "My partner didn't text back. They must be leaving me.")

🔹 Drives people-pleasing, over-functioning, and loss of self

Codependency

🔹 Rooted in the core belief: "My worth depends on someone else needing me."

🔹 Leads to enmeshment, boundary collapse, and self-abandonment

🔹 People in codependent patterns lose themselves trying to fix, save, or please others

🔹 They feel responsible for others' emotions and neglect their own needs

Pamela's Reframe

🔹 Anxious attachment and codependency aren't personality flaws—they're learned survival strategies

🔹 They developed because you needed them to survive as a child

🔹 But what helped you survive then sabotages you now

🔹 Self-mastery involves recognizing the pattern, understanding its roots, and consciously choosing new behaviors

Practical Tool: Pause and Ask

🔹 When you feel triggered (e.g., "My partner is distant; they must be leaving me"):

👉 Pause

👉 Ask: "Is this reality, or is this my anxious attachment speaking?"

👉 Look for evidence: "What's actually happening right now? What are the facts?"

👉 Reframe: "My partner is busy. That doesn't mean they're leaving. I am safe."

Key Message: "Anxious attachment and codependency are rooted in unworthiness beliefs. When you address the core belief, the pattern loses its grip."

6. The Role of Community: The Deciding Factor in Resilience

Pamela's most powerful insight: Community—positive or absent—is the biggest factor in how deeply someone carries pain.

The Research Insight

🔹 Two people can experience the exact same trauma

🔹 One heals relatively quickly; the other carries deep, lasting wounds

🔹 The difference? Community support

Why Community Matters

🔹 Positive community provides:

👉 Validation ("What happened to you was real and wrong")

👉 Belonging ("You're not alone")

👉 Modeling ("Others have healed; so can you")

👉 Accountability ("We'll walk with you")

👉 Safety ("You're accepted here")

🔹 Absent community creates:

👉 Isolation ("No one understands")

👉 Shame ("I must be broken")

👉 Hopelessness ("This pain will never end")

👉 Self-destruction ("I don't deserve help")

Pamela's Teaching

🔹 "Before therapy, people went to community—priests, mothers, fathers, elders, neighbors."

🔹 Modern life has fragmented community; many people are isolated

🔹 Rebuilding or finding community is essential for self-mastery

🔹 Community provides the mirror you need to see yourself clearly

Actionable Step

🔹 If you're isolated: Join a group (recovery meeting, therapy group, TSLN, online community)

🔹 If you have community: Show up authentically. Be the support you wish you'd had.

Key Message: "Community is the deciding factor. Identical experiences, different outcomes—based on whether you had people standing with you or not."

7. Practical Tools for Self-Mastery

Pamela provided concrete, actionable practices:

🧠 Tool 1: CBT for Core Beliefs

🔹 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is one of the most effective modalities for addressing negative core beliefs

🔹 Use it to:

👉 Identify automatic negative thoughts

👉 Challenge them with evidence

👉 Replace them with realistic, balanced thoughts

Example:

🔹 Automatic thought: "I'm a failure."

🔹 Challenge: "Is that true? What evidence supports that? What evidence contradicts it?"

🔹 Balanced thought: "I've made mistakes, but I've also succeeded. I'm learning and growing."

📝 Tool 2: Journaling for Shadow Work

🔹 Write unfiltered about your feelings, fears, and hidden parts

🔹 Ask:

👉 "What part of myself am I hiding?"

👉 "What do I judge in others that I deny in myself?"

👉 "What am I afraid would happen if people saw the real me?"

🔹 Journaling brings the unconscious to consciousness

🪞 Tool 3: Mirror Work for Self-Acceptance

🔹 Look at yourself in the mirror

🔹 Say: "I see you. I accept you. I'm learning to love you."

🔹 Notice resistance (it's normal)

🔹 Practice daily; over time, self-acceptance deepens

🧘 Tool 4: Pause-and-Ask Practice

🔹 When triggered:

👉 Pause (don't react immediately)

👉 Ask: "What's really happening? What belief is driving this reaction?"

👉 Reframe: "Is this true? What's the evidence?"

👉 Respond consciously (not reactively)

🤝 Tool 5: Community Engagement

🔹 Show up to meetings, groups, or gatherings

🔹 Share authentically (even when it's uncomfortable)

🔹 Listen to others' stories; see yourself reflected

🔹 Community builds resilience and provides accountability

8. Self-Mastery in Action: Moving from Unconscious to Conscious

Pamela illustrated what self-mastery looks like in daily life:

Without Self-Mastery (Unconscious Reactivity)

🔹 Someone criticizes you → You spiral into shame and self-doubt

🔹 Your partner seems distant → You catastrophize and panic

🔹 You make a mistake → You believe you're fundamentally broken

🔹 You feel an uncomfortable emotion → You numb it (substances, work, relationships, food)

🔹 You're triggered → You lash out or shut down

With Self-Mastery (Conscious Intentionality)

🔹 Someone criticizes you → You feel hurt, recognize it's about the work (not your worth), and use it as insight

🔹 Your partner seems distant → You feel anxious, recognize it's your attachment pattern, check the facts, and communicate calmly

🔹 You make a mistake → You feel disappointed, acknowledge it, learn from it, and move forward

🔹 You feel an uncomfortable emotion → You let yourself feel it, understand it, and process it without numbing

🔹 You're triggered → You pause, identify the belief driving the trigger, reframe, and respond consciously

Key Message: "Self-mastery isn't about not feeling. It's about narrowing the gap between feeling and conscious action. You feel everything—you just don't let it hijack you."

9. Building Dreams Through Self-Knowledge

Pamela's ultimate vision: Self-mastery allows you to build the life you actually want—not the life trauma conditioned you to accept.

Without Self-Knowledge

🔹 You live on autopilot, reacting to life

🔹 Your choices are driven by fear, shame, and survival patterns

🔹 You settle for less than you deserve because you don't believe you're worthy of more

🔹 Your dreams stay buried because you're too afraid to pursue them

With Self-Knowledge

🔹 You know your triggers, patterns, and core beliefs

🔹 You've integrated your shadow and addressed your wounds

🔹 You make choices aligned with your values and vision

🔹 You pursue your dreams because you know you're worthy

🔹 You build a life that reflects who you truly are—not who trauma made you

Pamela's Vision

🔹 Self-mastery isn't the end goal; it's the foundation for building the life you want

🔹 Once you master yourself, you're free to create, connect, contribute, and thrive

🔹 You stop surviving and start living

💡 Core Takeaways

Healing and self-mastery are not the same. Healing processes trauma and gets you to functional. Self-mastery builds conscious, intentional living and gets you to thriving.

Self-mastery is a skill you can acquire. It's not innate; it's learned through consistent practice using frameworks like the Four Stages of Competence.

Negative core beliefs are the bedrock of all patterns. They're sewn into you early through toxic upbringing, repetitive rejection, and childhood trauma—and they drive your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Those beliefs aren't yours. They're voices you've internalized from parents, caregivers, past partners, or society. Once you identify whose voice it is, you can emotionally detach, reframe, forgive, and rebuild.

Your shadow self holds the key to wholeness. The parts you've denied or suppressed don't disappear—they sabotage you unconsciously. Integration, not elimination, is the goal.

Anxious attachment and codependency are rooted in unworthiness beliefs. They're learned survival strategies that helped you as a child but sabotage you as an adult.

Community is the deciding factor in resilience. Two people with identical trauma will have vastly different outcomes based on whether they had supportive community or faced it alone.

CBT is one of the most effective tools for addressing core beliefs. Use it to identify automatic negative thoughts, challenge them with evidence, and replace them with balanced, realistic thoughts.

Shadow work brings unconscious patterns to consciousness. Journaling, self-reflection, and therapy help you see the hidden parts of yourself so you can integrate them.

Self-mastery isn't about not feeling; it's about conscious awareness. You feel everything—you just narrow the gap between feeling and intentional action.

Self-mastery allows you to build the life you actually want. Once you know yourself intimately, you're free to create, connect, and thrive—not just survive.

You weren't born hating yourself. The voices telling you you're not good enough came from somewhere. Challenge them. They're not yours.

🎯 Who This Session Serves

🔹 People who have completed therapy or treatment and are asking: "I'm healed, now what?"

🔹 Recovering addicts who are sober but still feel lost or reactive

🔹 Suicide survivors navigating life after crisis

🔹 Codependents learning to reclaim their identity

🔹 Individuals struggling with anxious attachment, shame, or unworthiness

🔹 Anyone interested in shadow work, core belief reconstruction, and conscious living

🔹 Mental health professionals seeking to understand self-mastery frameworks

🔹 Family members and friends supporting someone's healing journey

🔹 People feeling stuck in patterns despite "doing the work"

🔹 Those seeking community, accountability, and tools for intentional living

📞 Connect with Pamela Lopez

The Self-Mastery Protocol:

🔹 Website: https://www.selfmasteryprotocol.ca/about

🔹 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@selfmasteryprotocol

Services:

🔹 One-on-one coaching and mentoring

🔹 Workshops and talks on self-mastery, core beliefs, shadow work, and conscious transformation

🔹 Community-building and group support

Social Media:

🔹 LinkedIn: Pamela Lopez (Self-Mastery Protocol)

🔹 Instagram/Facebook: The Self-Mastery Protocol

Contact:

📧 Email: Available through website contact form

🌟 Final Reflection

Pamela Lopez's session was a masterclass in moving beyond healing into conscious, intentional living. By addressing the gap that most healing models ignore—"I'm healed, now what?"—she provided a roadmap for self-mastery that empowers people to take full ownership of their lives.

Her message transcends recovery communities. It speaks to anyone who has ever felt stuck in patterns they can't break, controlled by triggers they don't understand, or haunted by voices that say they're not enough. It speaks to anyone ready to stop surviving and start thriving.

"Healing is phase one. Self-mastery is what comes next. And self-mastery is a skill—you can learn it."

The tools she offered—CBT for core beliefs, shadow work integration, community engagement, pause-and-ask practices—are not quick fixes. They're foundational practices for a life of conscious awareness, emotional regulation, and intentional growth.

For those asking "What's next?" after healing, Pamela's answer is clear: Know yourself. Master yourself. Build the life you actually want—not the life trauma conditioned you to accept.

For anyone in recovery, supporting someone in recovery, or simply seeking to live more consciously: Pamela Lopez is living proof that self-mastery is possible. That you can move beyond reactivity. That you can integrate your shadow. That you can challenge the voices that say you're not enough. That you can build a life of purpose, connection, and joy.

Self-mastery isn't perfection. It's conscious, compassionate awareness of who you are—and deliberate, intentional action toward who you want to become.

Recovery gets you sober. Healing gets you functional. Self-mastery gets you thriving.

Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Toronto Sober Living Network — Every Friday @ 7:00 PM EST

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork

📧 [email protected]

🔗 https://toronto.soberlivingnetwork.org

👥 https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

📅 TSLN Friday Night Zoom: https://zoom.us/j/99968983815

About This Event Summary

This comprehensive event summary was created from the TSLN Friday Night Zoom session featuring Pamela Lopez on January 2, 2026. It combines:

🔹Her professional background and Self-Mastery Protocol framework

🔹Key teachings on healing vs. self-mastery

🔹Practical tools for core belief reconstruction, shadow work, and conscious living

🔹Research-informed perspectives on community, attachment, and resilience

🔹Actionable next steps for building a life beyond healing

All materials are available to TSLN members and supporters. For questions, contact [email protected].

This event summary contains research-informed frameworks, lived experience, and practical tools for personal transformation. It is not a substitute for professional therapy, coaching, or medical care. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health or addiction, please reach out to appropriate professional support.

TSLN Friday Night Zoom - December 19, 2025

TSLN Friday Night Zoom Event Summary

December 19, 2025


📋 Event Overview

On December 19, 2025, the Toronto Sober Living Network hosted an authentic and transformative session featuring Chad Johnson, sobriety and recovery advocate, speaker, coach, and founder of the Not All There podcast and the Lymbic Digital Platform. Based in the Chicago area and sober since 2014, Chad brought over eleven years of lived experience to address a question that haunts countless people in recovery: "I'm sober, now what?"

Titled "I'm Sober, Now What? Building a Life Beyond Abstinence," the session challenged the false equivalence between sobriety and recovery. Chad shared his raw, unfiltered journey from a childhood marked by severe physical, mental, and emotional abuse through his discovery of alcohol at eighteen, his twenty-one-year descent into addiction, and his hard-won recovery—one that included years of therapy, trauma processing, running marathons to escape his feelings, and finally accepting himself as a flawed, resilient human being.

The core message: Abstinence is not the destination; it's the foundation. Real recovery is built on self-acceptance, purpose-driven living, and connection.

Across his keynote and candid Q&A, Chad addressed:

✨The critical difference between sobriety (abstinence) and recovery (a full-life transformation)

✨Why rehab discharges people without a real roadmap for living

✨How shame and guilt keep us stuck—and how to move beyond them

✨The role of self-compassion and mirror work in rebuilding identity

✨Building community and connection as antidotes to isolation

✨Navigating the holidays and supporting loved ones in recovery

✨The missing piece in modern recovery: connection and purpose

Participants left understanding that:

✅ You can be sober and still emotionally empty, lost, and purposeless

✅ Recovery is an active, continuous process of self-discovery and growth

✅ Shame thrives in silence; speaking openly is the beginning of freedom

✅ Your past does not define your present or future

✅ Small acts of self-kindness and self-acceptance compound into transformation

✅ Connection with others in recovery is medicine

Theme: From Sobriety to Recovery—Building a Life Beyond Abstinence
Format: Keynote presentation with slides, interactive Q&A, and authentic dialogue
Attendance: TSLN members, people in recovery at all stages, family members, healthcare professionals, and supporters across North America

Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

🔗 Resources: https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
Email: [email protected]
🔗 Registration: https://SoberLivingNetwork.org
👥 Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network


Featured Speaker

Chad Johnson — Founder, Lymbic Digital Platform & Not All There Podcast

Professional & Lived-Experience Background

💪 11+ Years of Active Recovery
🔹 Sober since 2014 (over eleven years of continuous sobriety without rehab)
🔹 Survived childhood abuse (physical, mental, emotional) from a young age
🔹 Successfully navigated a 21-year descent into alcohol and drug addiction and emerged with purpose
🔹 Now actively engaged in personal recovery work, mentoring others, and building recovery infrastructure

👨‍👩‍👦 Engaged Community Builder
🔹 Happily married with two sons; actively involved in youth sports coaching
🔹 Founder and host of a men's recovery meeting that grew from zero to 40+ participants over years
🔹 Created that meeting when he couldn't access existing ones due to family responsibilities—showing that recovery solutions can be self-directed
🔹 Demonstrates daily how to live an open, recovery-focused life in a non-recovery community

🎙️ Sobriety and Recovery Coach
🔹 Founder of Sober with Chad coaching business (soberchad.com)
🔹 Provides discretionary, one-on-one coaching for people who need additional support beyond meetings
🔹 Specializes in helping people navigate the "now what" phase of recovery
🔹 Works with individuals who must keep their sobriety private (protecting employment, professional reputation)
🔹 Draws on lived experience combined with structure, accountability, and real-world recovery strategies

🎧 Storyteller & Media Creator
🔹 Host of the Not All There podcast — sharing stories, answering questions, and providing recovery guidance
🔹 Known for speaking without a script, raw authenticity, and vulnerability about his journey
🔹 Uses storytelling as a bridge between lived experience and practical recovery solutions
🔹 Believes recovery stories normalize the experience and reduce stigma

🌐 Founder, Lymbic Digital Platform
🔹 Launching January 1, 2026: a one-stop hub for peer-created recovery content
🔹 Platform features podcasts, videos, blogs, Substacks, and resources all created by people in recovery
🔹 Mission: Show people what recovery can actually look like—not just abstinence, but thriving
🔹 Contributors include:

👉 Former professional athletes

👉 Entrepreneurs with sobriety stories

👉 International voices (South Africa, India) showing recovery is universal

👉 Artists, creatives, and everyday people building meaningful lives in recovery

🎨 Founder, Art of Recovery Foundation
🔹 Promotes art and creative expression by artists in recovery
🔹 Believes creativity is a vital part of recovery and should be celebrated and supported

📍 Location & Vision
🔹 Based in Chicago area; serves globally
🔹 Creates spaces—whether in-person meetings, digital platforms, or podcasts—where honest, shame-free conversations about addiction, mental health, and recovery can flourish
🔹 Mission: "I am going to leave the world a little bit better than I found it"

Websites:

https://www.soberchad.com (Sober with Chad coaching)

https://www.lymbic.org (Lymbic Digital Platform)

https://soberchad.substack.com (Substack newsletter)

Social & Contact:

Instagram/Facebook/LinkedIn: @soberchad

Email: [email protected]

Podcast: "Not All There" (available on all podcast platforms)


📚 Topics Covered

1. The Origin Story: From Abuse to Alcohol to Awakening

Chad opened with brutal honesty about his beginning:

🏚️ Childhood Trauma as Precursor
🔹 Grew up in an abusive home with physical, mental, and emotional violence
🔹 Coping mechanism: silence—never talked about what was happening
🔹 Carried unprocessed pain, rage, and confusion into adolescence
🔹 By eighteen, felt desperate, ill-equipped for life, and dangerously vulnerable

🍺 The First Drink: A False Solution
🔹 First beer at eighteen was "the most powerful moment in my life"—more significant than his wedding or the birth of his sons
🔹 That first drink numbed everything: trauma, fear, shame, inadequacy
🔹 Within ten days, he was drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels; the descent was shockingly fast
🔹 For twenty-one years, he chased that feeling of relief, that escape, that false peace

💔 The Addiction Spiral
🔹 Alcohol became "the most intimate relationship I had"—it never talked back, always knew what he wanted, was always there
🔹 Drugs became part of the mix; the cost was everything: relationships, stability, self-respect, nearly his life
🔹 His life revolved entirely around getting high, numbing pain, and running from himself
🔹 At the end, he was a "tornado"—chaos and destruction in human form

🌟 The Turning Point (Sobriety)
🔹 Got sober in 2014 without rehab
🔹 Made a conscious choice: "I need to do something different"
🔹 Faced immediate grief—losing his most intimate relationship (with alcohol and drugs)
🔹 Began a long process of therapy, processing trauma, learning to feel, and rebuilding identity


2. The Missing Piece: The "Now What" Gap in Recovery

Chad named what no one talks about:

The Problem: Sobriety Isn't Recovery

🔹 Abstinence is binary — you either drink/use or you don't
🔹 Recovery is holistic — it's about rebuilding every part of your life: identity, relationships, purpose, joy, meaning
🔹 The gap is massive — most treatment programs get people to abstinence and release them into the world with no map for living
🔹 People get stuck — sober but empty, asking "now what?" with nowhere to turn

His Marathon Phase: A Case Study in Misplaced Coping

🏃 Years 2-5 of Sobriety: Running Instead of Feeling


🔹 After getting sober, Chad grieved the loss of alcohol/drugs through obsessive marathon training
🔹 Ran thousands of miles per year, completed three marathons, trained for five
🔹 Initially thought: "This is great, I'm replacing a bad habit with a healthy one"
🔹 Reality: He was running from his feelings, using endorphin highs to numb just like he had used alcohol
🔹 Only two years in did he realize: "I'm not running toward something; I'm running from everything"

His Therapy Breakthrough: Years 5-9

🧠 Unlocking Pandora's Box


🔹 Realized the running was another escape; stopped and entered therapy
🔹 In talk therapy, he finally faced what alcohol had been protecting him from: all of his trauma
🔹 Flashbacks (mental and physical), nightmares, body memories, rage, grief—it all came flooding out
🔹 This phase was excruciating; many people relapse here because the pain feels unbearable
🔹 Chad stayed sober, knowing therapy pain was still nothing compared to the agony of active addiction

His Second Awakening: Year 9+

💡 The Real "Now What" Moment


🔹 Around year nine of sobriety, after years of therapy and deep inner work, Chad had his second spiritual awakening
🔹 He realized: "I'm sober. I've done the work. Now what do I do with the rest of my life?"
🔹 This question led him to ask: "What does recovery actually look like when you're living it?"
🔹 Answer: It's not in the programs or the treatment centers—it's in the lived experiences of real people building real lives


3. Sobriety vs. Recovery: What's the Difference?

Chad drew a critical distinction that transforms how people approach their journey:

Sobriety = Abstinence


🔹 Not drinking, not using, not engaging in addictive behavior
🔹 The absence of the substance/behavior
🔹 Necessary but not sufficient
🔹 Like getting out of jail—you're free from bars but don't yet know how to live

Recovery = Active Transformation


🔹 Rebuilding every dimension of your life:

👉 Identity (who am I without addiction?)

👉 Relationships (how do I connect authentically?)

👉 Purpose (what gives my life meaning?)

👉 Joy (how do I have fun sober?)

👉 Connection (am I part of a community?)

👉 Self-acceptance (can I like myself?)

👉 Meaning-making (how do I grow from what happened?)

🔹 A process that never ends; always deepening
🔹 Requires intentional work, support, and vulnerability

Why This Distinction Matters

Many people get sober and then plateau—abstinent but stuck, sober but empty. Chad's message: Abstinence without recovery is torture. Recovery transforms your entire life.


4. The Shame-Silence Cycle: Why People Stay Stuck

A major barrier to recovery is shame, and shame grows in silence.

🔒 How Shame Thrives


🔹 In families: Parents feel guilt and shame about "their addict"; kids feel shame about being "the problem"; nobody talks
🔹 In society: People are afraid of judgment, losing jobs, losing status, being seen as "weak" or "broken"
🔹 In self: Shame becomes internalized—"I am broken. I am fundamentally flawed. I don't deserve recovery."

🌀 The Cycle


🔹 Shame → Silence
🔹 Silence → Isolation
🔹 Isolation → No feedback, no connection, no reality check
🔹 No connection → Deepening shame
🔹 Repeat

📢 Chad's Solution: Radical Honesty


🔹 The antidote to shame is open, honest conversation
🔹 He speaks publicly and relentlessly about his addiction, his abuse, his recovery, his ongoing struggles
🔹 "Why? Because too many people are suffering in silence, afraid to be who they truly are."
🔹 When people see someone like Chad—married, father of two, active in community, openly sober—they realize: recovery is possible. Life is possible.


5. Self-Acceptance as the Foundation of Recovery

Chad's most profound insight came late in his recovery:

The Breakthrough Moment (Year 9)


🔹 "I spent 9 years working through my past. Then I realized I was still fighting with myself."
🔹 I was exhausted from fighting my own mind, my own body, my own pain
🔹 Decision point: "I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to be this person anymore."
🔹 But how? Answer: Start by liking yourself for just one hour

The Practice: Building Self-Acceptance Through Small Steps

🕐 Hour by Hour


🔹 Week 1: Like yourself for one hour. That's it. Find one hour in your day and say, "I like me for this hour"
🔹 Week 2: Two hours
🔹 Month 1: A few days strung together
🔹 Month 2: A week
🔹 Over time: Longer and longer stretches of self-acceptance

🔹 The practice compounds. Each micro-moment of self-acceptance builds a foundation for the next.

🪞 Mirror Work: The Most Uncomfortable Practice


🔹 Chad didn't like who was staring back at him—not just in active addiction, but even in early recovery
🔹 Started small: Look in the mirror and pay yourself a compliment, however small
🔹 "Hey, you got up. You're standing here. Good for you."
🔹 "You made your bed. You brushed your teeth. Hey, you tied your shoes! Good for you."
🔹 Over time, these tiny compliments stack into genuine self-regard

✨ The Reframe: Self-Acceptance Isn't Narcissism; It's Necessary


🔹 Many people raised in shame or abuse feel that liking themselves is selfish or arrogant
🔹 Chad's counter: "You deserve to like yourself. You're a human being with emotions and feelings. You're resilient."
🔹 Accepting yourself—with all your flaws, messiness, complications—is not selfish; it's the beginning of healing


6. Moving Beyond Regret: Owning Your Past Without Carrying It

One of the most challenging aspects of recovery is dealing with the damage done.

❌ The Regret Trap


🔹 Looking back at years of harm: to family, to friends, to strangers, to yourself
🔹 Guilt that might never fully resolve (some people will never forgive you)
🔹 Shame about who you became
🔹 The temptation: "I'm such a bad person, I might as well drink"

✅ Chad's Framework: Acceptance + Forward Movement

Three Key Steps:

🔹 Own it completely

👉 You made those choices (whether influenced or not, you still chose)

👉 Consequences are real and valid

👉 No minimizing, no excuses

🔹 Accept it cannot be changed

👉 That happened. It's done. You can't undo it.

👉 Some people will never forgive you.

👉 Some relationships are permanently damaged.

👉 That's the cost of addiction, and it's real

🔹 Move forward consciously

👉 Learn from what caused the regret

👉 Be a better person going forward

👉 Build a life you're proud of

👉 Use that past as a teacher, not a prison

The Reframe
🔹 "You're not that person anymore. That's who you were. Learn from that person, but don't let them define you now."
🔹 You are who you are today—in this moment, in this room.
🔹 Your past is your past. Your future is what you build next.


7. Building Confidence: Practical Tools for Self-Transformation

Chad provided concrete, actionable tools:

🧭 Tool 1: Mirror Work


🔹 Daily practice: Look at yourself and acknowledge something you did today
🔹 "I got up. I brushed my teeth. I showed up. I'm here."
🔹 Frequency: Every day
🔹 Duration: Start with 5 minutes
🔹 Benefit: Shifts self-perception from "I'm broken" to "I'm capable"

📓 Tool 2: Journaling


🔹 Write unfiltered about your feelings, fears, regrets
🔹 No judgment, no editing
🔹 Benefit: Gets thoughts out of your head, creates distance from shame

🤝 Tool 3: Micro-Kindnesses to Yourself


🔹 Make your bed → acknowledge it
🔹 Brush your teeth → acknowledge it
🔹 Put on clean socks → acknowledge it
🔹 Stack these tiny acknowledgments until they become a sense of self-respect

🧠 Tool 4: Reframing Fear-Based Thinking


🔹 Most shame and self-doubt come from fear:

👉 Fear of judgment

👉 Fear of rejection

👉 Fear of being "found out" as broken
🔹 When you notice fear driving your shame → acknowledge it: "That's just fear. That's not truth."
🔹 Replace it with evidence: "Actually, I am here. I am sober. I am building a life."

💬 Tool 5: Positive Affirmations (Not Toxic Positivity)


🔹 Not about denying pain or pretending everything is great
🔹 Simple morning affirmations: "I'm going to do good today. You're gonna do good today."
🔹 These are pep talks from yourself to yourself—the most powerful kind


8. The Role of Community: Connection as Recovery

Chad's most passionate message: Connection and purpose are what transform lives.

🏘️ Why Community Matters
🔹 Addiction thrives in isolation
🔹 Recovery thrives in connection
🔹 But modern recovery is becoming increasingly digital, fragmenting human connection
🔹 Solution: Intentional, judgment-free community

👥 His Men's Group as Example
🔹 Started his own recovery meeting when he couldn't access existing ones
🔹 Grew from zero to 40+ men over years
🔹 Key success: Consistency, safety, no judgment, shared understanding
🔹 "You'd be surprised how many people will show up if you simply create space for them"

🎯 What Real Community Provides
🔹 Understanding on a rare level — peers who truly understand without explanation
🔹 No judgment — everyone has been where you are
🔹 Availability — "They're there whenever I need them. Whenever."
🔹 Unconditional acceptance — You're seen as a human with feelings and emotions, not your addiction
🔹 Modeling — Seeing others thrive in recovery shows what's possible

💡 The Limbic Platform as Community
🔹 Digital space where recovery stories and content are created by and for people in recovery
🔹 Shows people: "This is what life in recovery looks like"
🔹 Examples: Someone hosting a sober dinner party, someone taking a sober vacation, someone building a career, someone becoming a parent present and sober
🔹 Message: Recovery is normal. It's livable. It's beautiful.


9. Navigating the Holidays and Supporting Loved Ones

With the holidays as context, Chad offered practical guidance:

🎄 For People in Recovery During Holidays

🍷 The "Thirsty" Feeling
🔹 Even after years sober, holidays can trigger a vague sense of "I should be drinking now"
🔹 Not a craving exactly, more a sense of tradition broken, normalcy disrupted
🔹 This is normal and manageable with awareness

What You Can Do
🔹 Allow yourself the space to do what you need

👉 Skip events that feel unsafe

👉 Leave parties early

👉 Bring a support person

👉 Call your sponsor or therapist

👉 Go to a meeting


🔹 Prioritize your sobriety above social obligation

👉 Your recovery comes first, always

👉 Real friends and family understand this


🔹 Create new traditions

👉 Host sober dinners

👉 Take sober vacations

👉 Build celebrations around connection, not substances

👨‍👩‍👧 For Family Members and Friends Supporting Someone in Recovery

🎯 The #1 Thing to Do: Listen
🔹 Don't try to fix. Don't offer unsolicited advice.
🔹 Just listen. Hold space. Acknowledge.
🔹 "I see you. I understand. I support whatever you need to do to take care of yourself."

🚫 What NOT to Do
🔹 Don't pressure them to attend events
🔹 Don't question their choices
🔹 Don't make it about you
🔹 Don't offer solutions unless asked

What TO Do
🔹 Acknowledge their effort — Recovery is hard; noticing that matters
🔹 Be available — Call, text, check in
🔹 Support without enabling — Help them get to meetings, not help them hide their sobriety
🔹 Hold boundaries — If their drinking triggers you, that's okay. Take care of yourself too
🔹 Be the person who holds their hand and gets them to help — Don't be the person who thinks you have the answer
🔹 Lead them to resources, not solutions — Therapist, meeting, coach, sponsor

The Hand-Holding Analogy
🔹 Your job: Help them find the resources they need
🔹 Their job: Do the work
🔹 Remember: "You can lead the horse to water, but they gotta drink it"


10. Purpose and Connection: The Missing Pieces in Modern Recovery

Chad's research and conversations revealed something critical:

What's Missing in Modern Recovery?
🔹 Connection — Digital-first recovery has fragmented human bonding
🔹 Purpose — People get sober but don't have a reason to stay sober beyond fear or obligation

Purpose Isn't About Saving the World
🔹 Purpose can be as simple as: "I'm not gonna drink today. That's the purpose for today."
🔹 Or it can be: "I'm gonna be present with my family. That's the purpose."
🔹 Or: "I'm gonna help one other person see that recovery is possible."
🔹 As purpose becomes routine, it grows and takes on deeper meaning

Connection Compounds Recovery
🔹 When you're connected to a community that believes in you
🔹 And that community is fighting alongside you
🔹 And you're seeing stories of people thriving (not just surviving) in recovery
🔹 You realize: I'm not alone. This is possible. I can build a life.


💡 Core Takeaways

Sobriety and recovery are not the same thing. Sobriety is abstinence; recovery is transformation.

Treatment programs release people without a roadmap. That's why the "now what" question goes unanswered and people relapse.

Shame thrives in silence; healing thrives in openness. Speaking honestly about your addiction and recovery breaks shame's power.

Self-acceptance is the foundation, not the destination. Start by liking yourself for one hour, then build from there.

Your past doesn't define you, but ignoring it will. Own what happened, learn from it, move forward consciously.

Regret is inevitable; carrying it forever is optional. You can acknowledge harm and still build a future you're proud of.

Small, daily acts of self-kindness compound into transformation. Make your bed. Brush your teeth. Pay yourself a compliment. Repeat.

Mirror work, journaling, and affirmations aren't luxury; they're medicine for the trauma-informed, shame-carrying soul.

Fear drives most shame and resistance to recovery. Naming the fear as fear—not truth—begins to weaken it.

Community and purpose are not optional; they're essential. Connection with others and a sense of direction make the difference between sobriety and recovery.

You deserve to like yourself. Not arrogantly. Not in denial of your past. But as a human being worthy of acceptance and kindness.

Recovery is a lifelong process. Even at eleven years, Chad is still doing the work, still learning, still growing.


🎯 Who This Session Serves

🔹 People newly sober asking: "Now what do I do with my life?"
🔹 Those in recovery who feel stuck, numb, or like something's still missing
🔹 Family members and friends who want to support someone's recovery without enabling
🔹 People struggling with shame, regret, and self-acceptance after addiction
🔹 Anyone interested in the difference between sobriety and active recovery
🔹 Recovery professionals seeking to understand peer perspectives and lived experience
🔹 Healthcare providers wanting to better support clients post-treatment
🔹 People in recovery looking for community and connection
🔹 Those navigating the holidays or high-risk times while maintaining sobriety


📞 Connect with Chad Johnson

Coaching & Personal Work:
🔹 Website: https://www.soberchad.com
🔹
Email: [email protected]
🔹 Services: One-on-one sobriety and recovery coaching for individuals needing discretionary, structured support

Podcast & Content:
🔹 Podcast: "Not All There" — available on all major podcast platforms
🔹 Substack: https://soberchad.substack.com
🔹
Content: Stories, Q&A, real-world recovery guidance

The Lymbic Platform (Launching January 2026):
🔹 Website: https://www.lymbic.org
🔹
What: A peer-created recovery content hub featuring podcasts, videos, blogs, Substacks
🔹 Vision: Show people what real recovery looks like—not just abstinence, but thriving

Recovery Art Foundation:
🔹 Art of Recovery Foundation: Promotes and supports artists in recovery

Social Media:
🔹 Instagram/Facebook/LinkedIn: @soberchad
🔹 Easy to track down; Chad is actively engaged in the community


🌟 Final Reflection

Chad Johnson's session was a masterclass in radical honesty and hope. By sharing every uncomfortable detail—childhood abuse, 21 years of addiction, the marathon escape phase, the therapy breakthrough, the regret that never fully disappears—he gave others permission to stop hiding.

His message transcends recovery communities. It speaks to anyone who has ever felt broken, ashamed, or convinced they're beyond repair. It speaks to anyone who has wondered if there's life worth living after addiction, loss, or trauma. It speaks to anyone who needs permission to like themselves.

"You don't have to know everything. You just have to be willing to do the work, to face yourself, and to allow yourself to like yourself. And from there, everything changes."

The tools he offered—mirror work, journaling, micro-kindnesses, reframing fear, building community—are not quick fixes. They're foundational practices for a life of recovery, resilience, and genuine human connection.

For those struggling with the "now what" question, Chad's answer is clear: Get to zero (abstinence), then build from there. Build community. Build purpose. Build a life you actually want to live. And then, help someone else do the same.

For anyone in recovery, supporting someone in recovery, or wondering if recovery is possible: Chad Johnson is living proof that it is. That you can survive what you survived. That you can heal. That you can build a life of meaning, connection, and joy. Not perfectly. Not without ongoing work. But genuinely.

Recovery isn't the end of the story. It's where the real story begins.


Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Toronto Sober Living Network — Every Friday @ 7:00 PM EST

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
[email protected]
🔗 https://soberlivingnetwork.org
👥
https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

TSLN Friday Night Zoom - December 12, 2025

TSLN Friday Night Zoom Event Summary

December 12, 2025


📋 Event Overview

On December 12, 2025, the Toronto Sober Living Network hosted an immersive and heart-centered session featuring Tanya D, founder of The Peace We Crave and creator of the Thriving in Sobriety approach. Joining us from New Jersey, Tanya brought over a decade of lived recovery from addiction and chronic pain together with her work as an energy healer, meditation instructor, and holistic recovery and spiritual life coach.

Titled “Emotional Sobriety and Energy Healing: Clearing the Energy Behind the Emotion,” the session explored what happens after we put down the substance—when anxiety, numbness, and spiritual emptiness remain even in long-term sobriety. Tanya framed this as the missing link between simply being abstinent and truly thriving: learning to clear the energy behind the emotion and rebuild safety, regulation, and connection from the inside out.

Across her keynote and interactive Q&A, Tanya shared her personal story (from first drink as a child to a near-fatal 0.330 BAC in 2013), her recovery from “hole-in-the-soul” despair, and the chronic pain that forced her deeper into somatic and energetic work. She then translated that experience into a practical framework that integrates emotional sobriety, chakra-informed energy healing, and trauma-sensitive, body-based practices.

Participants left with a deeper understanding that:

🔹 You can be sober and still emotionally dysregulated, anxious, and spiritually empty.

🔹 Trauma is not just a story in the mind—it lives in the body and the energy system.

🔹 Emotional sobriety grows when we learn to recognize, regulate, and release the stored energy behind our feelings, rather than just thinking about them.

Theme: Emotional Sobriety, Energy Healing, and Somatic Recovery
Format: Teaching with slides, guided reflection, and live Q&A
Attendance: TSLN members, people in recovery, trauma survivors, energy-curious practitioners, and supporters across North America

Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
Email: [email protected]
🔗 Registration:
https://SoberLivingNetwork.org
👥 Meetup:
https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network


Featured Speaker

Tanya D — Founder, The Peace We Crave

Professional & Lived-Experience Background

🌿 Lived Recovery & Chronic Pain Survivor

🔹 Over 12 years of continuous sobriety from alcohol (sober since August 5, 2013)

🔹 In long-term recovery from anxiety, trauma, PTSD, chronic pain, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and domestic violence

🔹 Her last drink ended in a hospital with a 0.330 blood alcohol level and a conscious choice to live. That moment became the turning point that eventually led to her integrated emotional, physical, and spiritual recovery

🧠 Holistic Recovery & Spiritual Life Coach

🔹 Certified holistic recovery and spiritual life coach specializing in:

Substance use disorder

Chronic pain and chronic condition recovery

Nervous system and emotional regulation for people in sobriety

🔹 Draws on 18+ years of professional consulting experience to guide clients with structure, clarity, and accountability

✨ Energy Healer & Meditation Instructor

🔹 Trained energy healer working primarily with the seven main chakras, intuitive energy work, and sound healing

🔹 Trauma-sensitive meditation instructor, offering chakra- and Twelve Step–informed practices that are accessible to people with anxiety and trauma histories

🔹 Blends somatic awareness, nervous system education, and subtle energy work to support healing on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels

🌀 Integrated Approach: "Thriving in Sobriety"

Through her Thriving in Sobriety framework, Tanya helps clients:

🔹 Move beyond "white-knuckling it" into emotional sobriety

🔹 Understand where emotions live in the body and energy system

🔹 Clear and stabilize blocked chakras related to safety, shame, grief, expression, and spiritual connection

🔹 Build practices that bring regulation, self-compassion, and meaning back into daily life

🌎 Location & Lens

🔹 Based in New Jersey, on the traditional lands of the Lenape people (a land acknowledgment Tanya intentionally includes in her work)

🔹 Serves clients online across North America, with an approach informed by trauma science, chakra theory, Twelve Step wisdom, and somatic practices—not as competing paths, but as complementary ones

Website: https://www.thepeacewecrave.com

LinkedIn: Tanya D – The Peace We Crave

Social: @thepeacewecrave (Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn)

Consults: Free "Level Up Your Sobriety" calls available via her website

📚 Topics Covered

1. From Physical Sobriety to Emotional Sobriety

Tanya began by naming a reality many people are afraid to say out loud:

You can stop drinking, do "all the right things," and still feel angry, empty, scattered, and spiritually lost.

She walked participants through addiction's four-dimensional impact:

🩺 Physical:

🔹 Persistent fatigue and low energy, even on days she wasn't drinking

🔹 A felt "pull" toward alcohol—the 12-step concept of a physical "allergy" and craving once the substance enters the body

🔹 Near-fatal experiences like her 0.330 BAC episode that should have killed her but didn't

💔 Emotional:

🔹 Constant mood swings and emotional eruptions in inappropriate settings

🔹 Deep resentment and hatred toward herself and others

🔹 No reliable way to predict "how she would show up" emotionally on any given day

🧠 Mental:

🔹 Scattered thoughts and inability to trust her own mind: "Did I think this drunk or sober? Is that memory real?"

🔹 Racing thoughts, anxiety, and chronic second-guessing

🕊️ Spiritual:

🔹 Profound "hole in the soul" experience—feeling fundamentally unwanted by life or God

🔹 Hopelessness and disconnection from meaning or purpose

She then introduced Bill Wilson's concept of emotional sobriety: going beyond mere abstinence to develop maturity and balance in relationships with self, others, and a Higher Power (or Spirit, Universe). Emotional sobriety, she emphasized, is the real work of long-term healing, whether or not a program uses that language explicitly.

2. "Issues in Our Tissues": Trauma Stored in the Body & Energy System

Tanya unpacked a central teaching: "The issues are in our tissues."

Using her own history of:

🔹 childhood bullying

🔹 parental alcoholism and severe mental illness

🔹 a domestic violence relationship

she showed how "big T" and "little t" trauma accumulate in the nervous system and body over time:

⚠️ Big T trauma: obvious, overwhelming events (war, severe assault, catastrophic accidents)

📍 Little t trauma: "death by a thousand paper cuts" — chronic criticism, bullying, emotional neglect, conditional love|

Over years, these experiences become:

🔹 Muscle tension

🔹 Chronic pain

🔹 Hypervigilance or shutdown

🔹 Emotional reactivity or numbness

She described how, in her own journey, alcohol functioned as an emergency coping mechanism:

It made it too dangerous for her nervous system to feel what was actually happening. When she stopped drinking, all that unprocessed material began to surface—eventually manifesting as a chronic pain condition that forced her to address the deeper layers.

This set the stage for why somatic and energy-based approaches are crucial: you cannot think your way out of what the body and energy field are still carrying.

3. Chakras as a Map for Emotional Sobriety

Introducing the seven primary chakras, Tanya explained how each energy center corresponds to specific themes in recovery:

🔴 Root (safety, grounding): instability, fear, not feeling safe in sobriety

🟠 Sacral (emotion, pleasure, creativity): numbness, lack of joy, difficulty connecting with feelings

🟡 Solar Plexus (power, agency): shame, powerlessness, feeling broken or incapable of real change

💚 Heart (love, connection, grief): self-hatred, isolation, inability to give/receive love

🔵 Throat (truth, expression): difficulty sharing honestly in meetings, swallowing needs and boundaries

🟣 Third Eye (intuition, insight): confusion, inability to trust self or sense next right actions

Crown (spiritual connection): meaninglessness, disconnection from something larger than self

She emphasized that:

🔹 Chakra work is not a replacement for therapy, 12-step, or medical care

🔹 It is a framework for understanding where emotional and spiritual pain is living in the system and how to support it

Through energy healing, Tanya works to:

🔹 Identify congested or depleted chakras

🔹 Clear stagnant or stuck energy

🔹 Support flow and stability so emotions become more recognizable, tolerable, and workable rather than overwhelming or shut down

4. Energy Healing in Practice: Clearing the Energy Behind the Emotion

Tanya then explored how energy healing actually supports emotional sobriety:

🔹 It helps reveal where in the energy body emotions and trauma are lodged

🔹 It assists in clearing accumulated, stuck patterns that keep old stories looping

🔹 It supports the nervous system to move from chronic fight/flight/freeze toward a regulated "window of tolerance"

She noted:

🐢 Energy work is often "the turtle, not the hare"—a slow, steady process, not a one-session miracle cure

🤝 The most profound shifts happen for those who combine energy work with 12-step, therapy, somatic practices, and daily spiritual disciplines

🏥 Many treatment centers are now integrating yoga, Reiki, meditation, and somatic work because comprehensive approaches significantly improve outcomes

Tanya shared a composite case example of a long-term sober person who had done decades of therapy and 12-step yet still carried intense, embodied trauma. After a small number of deep energy sessions (supported by her ongoing work), she experienced:

🔹 A sense of finally being able to exhale

🔹 New emotional steadiness in triggering situations

🔹 A surge in creative expression once blocked energies were released

5. Learning to Recognize, Name, and Befriend Emotions

A major through-line of Tanya's talk: you cannot regulate what you cannot recognize.

Coming from a non–"feelings-talk" family, she entered sobriety without a vocabulary for internal states. Early on, without alcohol, everything felt raw and unnameable.

She now teaches clients to:

🔹 Track where emotion shows up in the body (tight chest, buzzing head, heavy belly)

🔹 Distinguish between anger, fear, grief, shame, anxiety, and joy rather than calling everything "bad"

🔹 Greet emotions with, "Oh, there you are, sadness/anger/grief—I know what to do with you now," rather than panicking or numbing

This emotional literacy is central to emotional sobriety and is strongly supported by research on emotion differentiation and relapse prevention.

6. Practical Tools: Grounding, Breath, Somatic Awareness, and Energetic Hygiene

Tanya closed with practical, accessible tools participants could begin using immediately, including:

🦶 Grounding & Presence:

🔹 Feeling feet on the floor

🔹 Focusing all attention on the soles of the feet to quiet the mind and anchor in the present

🔹 Brief 5-sense check-ins (5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste)

🌬️ Breath Practices:

🔹 Simple box breathing and 4-7-8 breathing for nervous system regulation

🔹 Using breath intentionally before, during, and after emotionally charged moments

🧘 Body Scans & Somatic Awareness:

🔹 Short nightly check-ins to notice where tension or heaviness is living

🔹 Learning to breathe into, rather than away from, sensation

✨ Energetic Hygiene:

🔹 Intention-setting before interactions ("I keep what's mine; I release what's not.")

🔹 Visualization for clearing heavy energy at the end of the day

🔹 Simple chakra-alignment check-ins

Her message: these are not luxuries—they are medicine for people in recovery whose nervous systems have been living in survival mode for years.

💡 Core Takeaways

✅ Emotional sobriety is different from and essential to long-term recovery beyond abstinence

✅ Trauma lives in the body and energy system, not just in stories and thoughts

✅ Chakras offer a useful map for understanding where different recovery challenges are active

✅ Energy healing is most powerful when integrated with therapy, 12-step, somatic work, and spiritual practice

✅ Emotional vocabulary and body awareness are foundational: you can't regulate what you can't name or feel

✅ Practices like grounding, breathwork, body scanning, and energetic hygiene are simple but profound tools for clearing "the energy behind the emotion"

✅ Recovery is not only about not dying—it's about learning to truly live, feel, and thrive

🎯 Who This Session Serves

🔹 People in early, middle, or long-term recovery who feel stuck, numb, anxious, or spiritually flat

🔹 Survivors of trauma, chronic pain, or domestic violence seeking integrated healing

🔹 Those curious or skeptical about energy work who want a grounded, trauma-sensitive perspective

🔹 Therapists, coaches, and recovery professionals looking to understand how somatic and energetic modalities can complement their work

🔹 Family members supporting loved ones with complex trauma and addiction histories

📞 Connect with Tanya D

Website: https://www.thepeacewecrave.com

Email: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Tanya D – The Peace We Crave

Instagram/Facebook: @thepeacewecrave

Services:

🔹 One-on-one energy healing sessions (in-person NJ or virtual)

🔹 Chakra healing and sound therapy

🔹 Meditation instruction

🔹 Holistic recovery and spiritual life coaching

🔹 "Thriving in Sobriety" programs

🔹 Free "Level Up Your Sobriety" consultations

🌟 Final Reflection

Tanya D's session was a masterclass in bridging ancient wisdom and modern recovery science. By weaving her own story—from childhood exposure to alcohol through a near-fatal bottom to over a decade of integrated sobriety—she gave permission to everyone in the room to stop white-knuckling and start feeling, releasing, and healing.

Her message transcends recovery communities. It speaks to anyone who has carried unprocessed pain in their body, who has felt the spiritual emptiness that substances once masked, or who has wondered why sobriety alone hasn't brought the peace they were promised.

"You can be sober and still feel trapped. Emotional sobriety changes that."

The tools she offered—grounding, breathwork, chakra awareness, energy clearing—are not esoteric luxuries. They are accessible, evidence-informed practices that address what talk therapy and meetings alone sometimes cannot: the energy stored in the body that keeps old wounds alive.

For those seeking to move from mere abstinence into genuine thriving, Tanya's work is a bridge—one that honors the science of trauma, the wisdom of energy healing traditions, and the lived experience of recovery as a daily practice of returning home to yourself.

For those who resonated with Tanya's message, the full companion eBook, "Emotional Sobriety and Energy Healing: Clearing the Energy Behind the Emotion," is available through SLN's resources, expanding on the science, story, and practical tools from this session.

Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Toronto Sober Living Network — Every Friday @ 7:00 PM EST

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork

📧 [email protected]

🔗 https://toronto.soberlivingnetwork.org

👥 https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

TSLN Friday Night Zoom - December 5, 2025

TSLN Friday Night Zoom Event Summary

December 5, 2025


📋 Event Overview

The Toronto Sober Living Network hosted a transformational session on December 5, 2025, featuring Kimberly Flear, founder of Last Call Coaching and a pioneering voice for mental wellness in the hospitality industry. This marked Kimberly's first presentation with TSLN and introduced a critical conversation that bridges two communities: hospitality workers and those in recovery.

Titled "Loneliness in Recovery: Why Self-Connection Changes Everything," Kimberly's session explored the epidemic of loneliness that pervades both high-stress service industries and recovery journeys. Drawing from her 25+ years in hospitality and her own sobriety journey beginning in September 2020, she illuminated why loneliness is not about the absence of people, but rather the absence of connection to oneself.

The 75-minute keynote and subsequent Q&A provided practical nervous system tools, actionable frameworks for self-connection, and a compassionate blueprint for moving from emotional chaos into grounded self-leadership. Kimberly also announced her role as the upcoming host of the Vancouver chapter of SLN, expanding the network's reach across Canada.

Theme: Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Format: Keynote presentation with slides, interactive Q&A, and community dialogue

Attendance: TSLN community members, hospitality workers, recovery professionals, and supporters across Canada


🎤 Featured Speaker

Kimberly Flear

Professional Background:

🍽️ Hospitality Veteran: 25+ years in front-of-house service across 24+ restaurants in Canada, Australia, and internationally. Roles include server, sommelier, bartender, barista, and manager.

🏆 Certified Recovery Coach & Life Coach: Trained in recovery coaching and life coaching after leaving the hospitality industry. Built Last Call Coaching, specializing in nervous system regulation, emotional wellness, and self-leadership for hospitality workers and those in recovery.

🌱 Lived Experience Educator: Founder of Voices of Hospitality, a series highlighting stories of resilience, recovery, and humanity in high-stress industries.

🧠 Nervous System & Somatic Specialist: Practices and teaches meditation, breathwork, EFT tapping, and somatic tools to help individuals regulate their nervous systems and reconnect to their bodies.

📋 Policy & Systems Advocate:

🔹 Workplace Advisory Committee member with the Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction

🔹 Director, Chamber of Commerce

🔹 Volunteer, Sobertown Podcast

🔹 Host, Culinary Hospitality Outreach and Wellness Organization (Denver, Colorado)

🔹 Ambassador, Burnt Chef Project

🌍 Vancouver Chapter Host: Launching the Sober Living Network chapter in Vancouver in 2026.

Current Mission: Filling the critical gap in mental wellness support for hospitality workers while helping individuals in recovery transition from emotional chaos into steady, grounded self-leadership through nervous system regulation and self-connection.

Website: www.lastcallcoaching.com

Social: Instagram: @LastCallCoaching

📚 Topics Covered

1. The Hidden Crisis: Mental Wellness in Hospitality

Kimberly opened by asking a pivotal question: Why is mental health such a casualty in the hospitality industry?

🎭 The Culture of Performance: Staff are trained to smile and serve, no matter what they're experiencing internally. The curtain opens at 5 PM, and you must be "on," regardless of what you're bringing to work.

Irregular Hours: Shifts starting at 5 PM and ending at 2 AM disrupt sleep, nutrition, and nervous system regulation. The constant adrenaline and cortisol spikes create a perpetual state of fight-or-flight.

😔 Emotional Labor Without Support: Every restaurant Kimberly worked at (24 in total) offered zero mental wellness resources, zero mental health support, and zero acknowledgment that staff were drowning on the inside.

🔄 Burnout is Depletion: Burnout is the depletion of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual resources. Staff are constantly giving, giving, giving—with no time to refill their own cups.

🙋 People-Pleasing Culture: The industry inadvertently trains people-pleasers. Staff receive instant gratification through compliments, thank-yous, and tips. This creates a dopamine loop that mirrors addiction, making the pursuit of external validation almost compulsive.

🏚️ The Misfits: Kimberly observed a critical pattern: the hospitality industry attracts those from traumatic or adverse backgrounds. It offers community, acceptance, and belonging—but without the proper support systems, it becomes a place where people escape, numb, and eventually lose themselves.

2. The Accessibility Trap

One of Kimberly's most powerful insights centered on why the hospitality industry has such high rates of substance use:

🍻 Staff Drinks: While camaraderie is beautiful, staff drinks normalize alcohol consumption as a coping mechanism. Kimberly lost a friend in 2021—an industry veteran—who was cycling through recovery but constantly offered shift drinks. What if someone had intervened?

🔓 Unrestricted Access: Unlike other industries, hospitality provides 24/7 access to alcohol, with minimal oversight or boundaries.

😤 No Time to Regulate: Without healthy coping tools, staff turn to unhealthy ones. Kimberly used to say after every shift: "I just need something to bring me down." No one recognized there were tools in her toolbox she'd never learned to use.

3. The Recovery Paradox: Why Recovery Often Intensifies Loneliness

Kimberly then shifted to the core theme: loneliness in recovery.

🛤️ The Journey: Recovery isn't just about stopping a substance—it's about discovering who you are beneath the addiction, the performance, the escape. This journey inevitably involves periods of profound aloneness.

🌍 External vs. Internal Loneliness: External loneliness is about not having people around. But internal loneliness—disconnection from yourself—is far deeper and more painful. You can be surrounded by people and still feel utterly alone.

🔄 The Cycle: In recovery, you're shedding old identities (the "restaurant folk," the drinker, the performer) while building new ones. This in-between space is tender, confusing, and inevitably lonely.

💔 The Lie: Many people in recovery believe loneliness is a sign they're doing it wrong, that they should have more support, more people, more community. But Kimberly revealed: loneliness is not failure; loneliness is an invitation.

4. What True Loneliness Teaches Us

Rather than running from loneliness, Kimberly offered a radically different perspective:

🏠 Coming Home to Yourself: The deepest loneliness, she explained, is the disconnection from yourself. And recovery is the moment we learn how to come home to ourselves.

🧘 Self-Connection as the Foundation: Before you can truly connect with others, you must connect with yourself. This isn't selfish; it's essential. It's the difference between being "lonely with others" and being "with yourself."

The Awakening: Signs of self-connection include increased awareness of your actions, noticing when you're not present, feeling called to connect with your body, and gradually shifting your lifestyle to include practices that nourish rather than numb.

🔍 Identity Reconstruction: Kimberly walked participants through the recovery journey as a spectrum: from the old self (performing, numb, escaped) to the new self (present, grounded, connected). The loneliness is the bridge. In that bridge space, you discover who you actually are.

5. The Nervous System: Why Regulation is Self-Connection

A critical section of Kimberly's presentation focused on the nervous system:

🧠 Fight-or-Flight as Default: Hospitality workers exist in chronic states of activation. Their nervous systems are trained to scan for threats, manage crises, and perform under pressure. This becomes their baseline.

⚡ Unregulated Activation: Without healthy tools to downregulate, the nervous system seeks unhealthy coping: alcohol, drugs, excessive work, numbing behaviors.

🌊 Regulation as Medicine: Kimberly introduced simple but powerful tools:

🔹 Breathwork: Conscious breathing signals safety to the nervous system.

🔹 Somatic Practices: EFT tapping, body scanning, grounding techniques.

🔹 Meditation: Not about emptying the mind, but anchoring into the present moment.

🔹 Movement: Yoga, exercise, walking—anything that helps you feel your body and discharge stored activation.

🛑 The Key Practice: Kimberly offered a simple exercise during the session: "Put all your attention on the bottom of your feet." When you do this, the mind becomes quiet. There's no past, no future—only now. This is presence. This is regulation.

6. Practical Tools for Self-Connection and Presence

Kimberly provided actionable frameworks participants could implement immediately:

🧭 Grounding Techniques:

🔹 Name 5 things you can see

🔹 4 things you can touch

🔹 3 things you can hear

🔹 2 things you can smell

🔹 1 thing you can taste

⏱️ Micro-Practices Throughout the Day:

🔹 One-minute breathing practices between activities

🔹 Body check-ins (How am I feeling? What do I need?)

🔹 Mindful eating

🔹 Nature connection (even 5 minutes)

🧘‍♀️ The Non-Negotiable: Kimberly emphasized that presence isn't productive in the traditional sense, but it's the most productive thing you can do for your nervous system and your recovery.

7. Rebuilding Identity in Recovery

Kimberly discussed the identity work that recovery demands:

👥 Work Becomes Identity: In hospitality, your job becomes who you are. "I am a bartender. I am a server." This creates vulnerability because your entire sense of self is tied to a role and an industry.

🔄 The Transition: In recovery, that identity dissolves. Who are you without the job? Without the substance? Without the performance?

🌱 Rebuilding with Intention: Kimberly encouraged filling the void with practices and activities that are wholesome and nurturing: yoga, meditation, creative pursuits, connection with nature, learning, growth.

🧬 Anchoring a New Identity: Recovery requires consciously building a new sense of self—one rooted in presence, self-connection, values, and contribution rather than external validation or performance.

8. The Role of Community in Recovery

While emphasizing self-connection, Kimberly also validated the need for community:

🤝 Loneliness ≠ Isolation: Self-connection doesn't mean isolation. Rather, it's the foundation for healthier community engagement.

👥 Reciprocal Connection: True community involves mutual giving and receiving—not the one-directional people-pleasing of hospitality work.

🌍 Spaces Like TSLN: Kimberly highlighted TSLN as a model of what community can look like: judgment-free, authentic, diverse, and grounded in lived experience.

💡 Core Takeaways

Loneliness is an invitation: Not a failure, but an opportunity to develop a relationship with yourself.

Self-connection is non-negotiable: Before connecting with others, you must come home to yourself.

The nervous system is the vehicle: Regulation through breathwork, somatic practices, and presence is foundational to recovery.

Presence is the practice: Not productivity, not thinking—but being here, now, fully alive.

Identity is reconstructible: Recovery requires consciously building a new sense of self, anchored in values and presence rather than performance.

Hospitality has a crisis: The industry systematically trains people to abandon themselves while offering zero support systems.

Awakening is awareness: Recovery involves becoming aware of your actions, noticing dissociation, and slowly building a life of presence and authenticity.

Your body is your anchor: Grounding techniques, somatic practices, and nervous system tools are practical, accessible, and transformative.

🎯 Who This Session Serves

🔹 Hospitality Workers: Current and former employees seeking to understand the industry's mental wellness crisis and tools for regulation.

🔹 Those in Recovery: Individuals navigating the loneliness of early and long-term recovery who need practical tools for self-connection.

🔹 Family Members: Those supporting loved ones through both hospitality burnout and recovery.

🔹 Healthcare Professionals: Therapists, coaches, and counselors working with hospitality industry clients or those in recovery.

🔹 Business Leaders: Restaurant owners and hospitality managers interested in implementing mental wellness practices.

📞 Connect with Kimberly Flear

Website: www.lastcallcoaching.com

Email: [email protected]

Services: Recovery coaching, nervous system regulation training, hospitality-specific wellness programs, workshops on presence and self-connection.

🌍 Upcoming: Kimberly is launching the Vancouver chapter of TSLN. Follow her socials for announcements.

🌟 Final Reflection

Kimberly Flear's session was a masterclass in compassion, vulnerability, and practical wisdom. By weaving her own story—from hospitality's high-stress environment to recovery's lonely awakening—she gave permission to everyone in the room to stop performing, start feeling, and come home to themselves.

Her message transcends the hospitality industry. It speaks to anyone who has ever felt the ache of internal disconnection, the pain of living for others' approval, or the struggle to find themselves in the wreckage of addiction.

"Loneliness isn't a lack of people. It's a lack of self-connection. And recovery is the moment we learn how to come home to ourselves."

The tools she offered—breathwork, grounding, somatic practices, presence—are not luxury practices reserved for wellness retreats. They are medicine. They are accessible. They are necessary.

For those in recovery, for hospitality workers, for anyone seeking to move from emotional chaos into grounded self-leadership: Kimberly's work is a lifeline.

Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Toronto Sober Living Network - Every Friday @ 7:00 PM EST

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork

📧 [email protected]

🔗 https://toronto.soberlivingnetwork.org

👥 https://www.meetup.com/toronto-sober-living-network

TSLN Friday Night Zoom - November 28, 2025

TSLN Friday Night Zoom Event Summary

November 28, 2025


📋 Event Overview

The Toronto Sober Living Network hosted a deeply moving and practical session on November 28, 2025, featuring Caroline Barrett, a Certified Recovery Coach and the founder of Sober Me Recovery Coaching. While previous sessions have focused on the neuroscience or philosophy of addiction, Caroline brought a profound, heart-centered, and multidimensional perspective to the conversation.

Titled "The Three Rooms of Understanding," Caroline’s session explored addiction through three distinct lenses: her own nine-year journey of sobriety, her experience witnessing her brother’s ten-year path, and the devastating grief of losing her best friend to an overdose.

The 60-minute keynote and subsequent Q&A moved beyond the "how-to" of abstinence into the "how-to" of living. Caroline broke down the vital role of recovery coaching in building a future-focused life, offered actionable frameworks for families struggling to support loved ones, and shared a powerful testimony on transforming grief into a lifelong mission.

Theme: Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Format: Keynote narrative presentation followed by interactive Q&A

Attendance: TSLN community members, family support allies, and recovery professionals


🎤 Featured Speaker

Caroline Barrett

Professional Background:

🏆 Certified Recovery Coach: Founder of Sober Me Recovery Coaching, specializing in sustainable sobriety and grief support.
🧘‍♀️ Lived Experience: 9 years of continuous personal sobriety.
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family Advocate: Sibling to a brother celebrating 10 years of sobriety; witnessed the family dynamic from both inside and outside the addiction.
🕊️ Grief Specialist: Transformed the tragedy of losing her best friend (Eddie) to overdose in 2019 into a dedicated support mission.

Current Mission: Helping individuals move from "surviving" sobriety to "thriving" in it, while educating families on how to provide non-judgmental support and creating safe spaces for those navigating overdose loss.

Website: www.soberme.ca
Social: Instagram @Soberme.ca | YouTube SoberMe11


📚 Topics Covered

1. The Three Rooms of Understanding

Caroline introduced a powerful framework for empathy, explaining that to truly grasp addiction, one must understand three distinct vantage points:

🏠 Room #1: The Self: The internal battle of the addict. Caroline shared her own history, starting at age 15, where she fell in love not with the taste of alcohol, but with the feeling of escape it provided.
👀 Room #2: The Witness: The helpless vantage point of the family member. She detailed watching her brother navigate his recovery, offering a dual perspective on the pain caused to families and the complex dynamics of trust.
💔 Room #3: The Bereaved: The room no one wants to enter. Following the death of her best friend Eddie in 2019, Caroline had to navigate the "double grief" of mourning someone she had already been grieving while they were alive.

2. The Architecture of Dependence (Behavior vs. Substance)

A critical insight into how addiction is often about ritual rather than just chemistry:

🍾 The Non-Alcoholic Trap: Caroline shared a vulnerable story about drinking a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne a night early in her recovery.
🔄 The Realization: She hadn't quit the behavior of drinking; she was still seeking the ritual of numbing.
🍺 The "Near Beer" Danger: She discussed her brother’s use of non-alcoholic beer and the risk of it keeping the neural pathways of addiction active.
🧠 Key Takeaway: "Sobriety isn’t just about the substance. It’s about dismantling the architecture of dependence."

3. The Recovery Coaching Framework

Caroline clarified the distinction between therapy, sponsorship, and coaching:

🛋️ Therapy: Focuses on healing the past and unpacking trauma (Archaeology).
🚀 Coaching: Focuses on the present and the future (Architecture).
🤔 The "Thinking Partner": A coach doesn't provide answers; they provide the right questions to help the client unlock their own wisdom.
🎯 Goal Setting & Accountability: Moving beyond "not drinking" to building a life so full that alcohol no longer fits.

4. Grief as a Companion

One of the most impactful sections of the evening dealt with navigating loss while in recovery:

⚠️ The Threat to Sobriety: When Eddie died, Caroline faced the ultimate trigger—the desire to numb the pain of loss.
🌱 Choosing Life: "I can't drink, because I still want to live."
🕯️ Transforming Pain: She honored Eddie not by "moving on," but by integrating his memory into her mission ("Sober My Eddie").
🤝 The Ministry of Presence: Creating space for "disenfranchised grief"—supporting friends and partners who may not be recognized by traditional family support structures.

5. Family Support: The "Just Listen" Protocol

Caroline provided a radical simplification for families trying to help:

🔇 The Communication Gap: You cannot force someone to understand the pull of addiction if they haven't lived it.
🛑 Stop Explaining: Instead of trying to make them understand, ask for what you actually need.
👂 The Strategy: Ask loved ones to "Just Listen." No fixing, no judgment, no "whys." Just witnessing the pain is the intervention.


💡 Core Takeaways

Recovery is Multi-Dimensional: You must address the physical, the behavioral (rituals), and the emotional (grief) to sustain it.
Coaching is Future-Oriented: While we must respect our past, we cannot live there. Coaching builds the roadmap for tomorrow.
Grief Integrates: We don't "get over" the loss of a loved one to addiction; we learn to carry the weight, and eventually, that weight can become a source of strength.
Behavior Matters: Switching to non-alcoholic versions of our poison can sometimes keep us trapped in the same behavioral loops.
The Power of Listening: The most effective tool for family members is often silence and presence, not advice.
Support the "Witness": Families and friends suffer a unique "ambiguous loss" and need their own recovery support, separate from the addict.


🎯 Who This Session Serves

🔹 Individuals in Recovery: Looking to deepen their understanding of behavioral triggers and long-term maintenance.
🔹 Family Members & Siblings: Seeking to understand the boundary between support and enabling.
🔹 The Bereaved: Anyone who has lost a friend or family member to overdose and feels isolated in their grief.
🔹 Professionals: Coaches and therapists looking for frameworks to explain the difference between clinical and coaching support.


📞 Connect with Caroline Barrett

Website: www.soberme.ca
Email: [email protected]
Services: Individual Recovery Coaching, Family Support Strategy, Grief Support.


🌟 Final Reflection

Caroline Barrett’s session was a testament to the power of vulnerability. By opening the doors to the three rooms of her life—the addict, the sister, and the grieving friend—she gave the community permission to bring their whole selves to the table.

Her message reminds us that recovery is not a solitary act of willpower, but a communal act of honesty. Whether we are the one struggling, the one watching, or the one mourning, we all share the same need: to be heard without judgment.

As Caroline powerfully stated regarding the loss of her friend:

"All I needed was for someone to just sit with me in that empty room. To listen. No advice, no platitudes. Just the shared presence."

Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Toronto Sober Living Network - Every Friday @ 7:00 PM EST

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
[email protected]

TSLN Friday Night Zoom - November 21, 2025

TSLN Friday Night Zoom Event Summary

November 21, 2025


📋 Event Overview

The Toronto Sober Living Network hosted an extraordinary evening on November 21, 2025, featuring Eric Mark Fischer, former professional baseball player turned film producer and peak performance coach. This session offered a profound exploration of rebuilding life after addiction through intrinsic motivation, vision development, and radical self-examination.

Eric's presentation moved beyond traditional recovery narratives, diving deep into the psychology, neuroscience, and philosophy that underpin sustainable transformation. With raw vulnerability, he shared his journey from elite athlete to hospitalization from alcohol poisoning, and ultimately to discovering what truly drives lasting change.

The 90-minute session combined personal storytelling with practical frameworks for developing a meaningful life vision, understanding the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivators, and building sustainable recovery through self-awareness and curiosity.

Theme: Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Format: Keynote presentation followed by Q&A and community discussion

Attendance: TSLN community members from Toronto, across Canada, and internationally


🎤 Featured Speaker

Eric Mark Fischer

Professional Background:
🏟️ Former Professional Baseball Player: 8 years in Chicago White Sox and Minnesota Twins organizations (drafted 7th round, 1998)
🎬 Film Producer & Writer: 20+ feature films, $500+ million box office performance, degrees in Film Production and Media Law from Cal State Northridge
🎯 Peak Performance Coach: Certified coach specializing in lifestyle design and executive coaching for entrepreneurs and high performers
20+ Years Coaching Experience: Youth athletes, parents, coaches, and organizations

Current Mission: Helping individuals overcome obstacles and reach their highest potential through evidence-based strategies rooted in intrinsic motivation, psychology, neuroscience, and philosophy.

Website: https://www.ericmarkfischer.com/about-eric-fischer


📚 Topics Covered

1. The Crisis: Rock Bottom

Eric opened with unflinching honesty about his descent into alcoholism:

The Progression:
🔻 Initial drinking to manage severe back pain (herniated L5S1 disc causing sciatica)
🔻 Escalating consumption from social drinking to dependency
🔻 Isolation in Cincinnati while family moved to Minneapolis
🔻 Five days of extreme binge drinking (approximately 5 handles of vodka)
🔻 Psychosis, inability to walk, falling and cracking his head open
🔻 Hospitalization with dangerously low potassium levels, 12 bags of IV fluids
🔻 Decision to enter inpatient rehab in Florida

Key Insight: Eric deliberately keeps the emotional weight of this experience close: "I never forget what it was like... because when we forget, we get overconfident and complacent."


2. Vision Development: The Foundation of Change

Core Principle: We don't have the option of whether to develop a vision for our lives—only whether it will be good or bad, intentional or unintentional.

Three Vision Pathways:

A. Bad Vision Through Subjective Lust and Whims
❌ Living reactively based on immediate pleasure
❌ Nobody wants to be around you (or for wrong reasons)
❌ You hurt family and loved ones
❌ Professional struggles
❌ Most importantly: you struggle

B. Someone Else's Vision
⚠️ Living according to societal expectations
⚠️ Following explicit and implicit laws society mandates
⚠️ Abandoning childhood dreams because "life is busy and hard"
⚠️ Losing belief in yourself

C. Intentional Positive Vision (The Path Forward)
✅ Sustainable and upward trajectory
✅ Long-term orientation
✅ Self-authored and authentic
✅ Aligns with curiosities and values


3. Looking at What We Don't Want to Look At

Carl Jung's Wisdom: "We will find what we need most where we least want to look."

Eric's Shadow Work Process:

Facing Personal History:
🔍 Growing up in "eggshell environment" where crying was weakness
🔍 Father's generation: World War II/Vietnam mindset—"sleep when you're dead, keep foot on gas pedal"
🔍 All-boys Catholic prep school reinforcing emotional suppression
🔍 Defined by athletic achievement from age 18
🔍 Career-ending surgeries (4 on throwing arm)
🔍 Living in cognitive dissonance between true self and projected image

Uncovering Hidden Stressors:
⚡ 10-year lawsuit over Paul Walker's estate (Vehicle 19 film)
⚡ Severe physical pain and loss of fitness outlet (therapy substitute)
⚡ Family dynamics: borderline personality disorder in ex-wife's family
⚡ Prolonged attacks, lawsuits, private investigators
⚡ Children taken twice
⚡ Isolation and lack of community

The Realization: "I didn't know myself at all. If I had known myself, I would not have been a nice guy, I would have been a good guy."


4. Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivators

The Central Framework:

Extrinsic Motivators:
💰 External rewards: money, status, approval, trophies
📉 Temporary dopamine spikes
📉 Never satisfying ("I'll be happy when...")
📉 Creates hedonic treadmill
📉 Unsustainable long-term

Intrinsic Motivators:
💡 Internal drivers: curiosity, autonomy, mastery, purpose
📈 Sustainable dopamine through learning and growth
📈 Self-directed and meaningful
📈 Creates lasting fulfillment
📈 The foundation of recovery

Key Questions for Finding Intrinsic Motivation:

1️⃣ "What am I curious about?"
🔹 We don't choose our curiosities—they choose us
🔹 Pay attention to what piques interest
🔹 Write it down and explore it

2️⃣ "What could I do all day, every day, never get bored, and never receive a trophy or paycheck for doing?"
🔹 Answer this = found your life's path
🔹 Money becomes byproduct of good work
🔹 Work doesn't feel like work—it's life's work

3️⃣ "What do I want to learn more about?"
🔹 Educational curiosity
🔹 Growth mindset orientation
🔹 Learning as sustainable dopamine source


5. The Neuroscience of Addiction and Recovery

Brain Chemistry Insights:

Addiction Profile:
🧠 Lower baseline dopamine levels (need more stimulation)
🧠 Love of novelty
🧠 High openness to experience (creative intellect trait)
🧠 Reduced impulse regulation
🧠 Difficulty planning for future
🧠 Narrow focus when compelled toward substance

The Dopamine Paradox:
⚡ Anticipation of alcohol creates massive dopamine release
⚡ Brain narrows focus toward substance
⚡ Everything else disappears from awareness
⚡ Clever adaptation (tracking BAC to time consumption)

Recovery Brain:
🌱 Intentional boredom allows brain's default mode network activation
🌱 Creativity lives in default mode network
🌱 Growth mindset provides sustainable dopamine
🌱 Learning creates positive neural pathways
🌱 Community and connection regulate nervous system


6. Personality and Self-Understanding

Big Five Personality Model Application:

Eric used the Big Five framework to understand himself and relationships:
📊 Analyzed his own personality traits
📊 Mapped parents, sister, ex-wife, children, in-laws
📊 Discovered patterns and incompatibilities
📊 Recognized lack of shared long-term vision in marriage

Key Insight: "The only way a marriage, business, or otherwise partnership works is that both parties share the same long-term vision."

Trait Patterns in Addiction:
🎨 High openness to experience
🎨 Autonomy-driven ("don't tell me what to do")
🎨 Think outside the box
🎨 Love novelty
🎨 Often ADD/ADHD component


7. Radical Acceptance and Responsibility

Taking Ownership Without Blame:

Eric carefully distinguished between responsibility and victimhood:
🎯 "I try my best to see people as they are, not who I autobiographically manufacture them to be"
🎯 Acknowledged family dynamics and mental illness without making excuses
🎯 Recognized his role in patterns
🎯 Chose proactive life over reactive life

Stephen Covey's 7 Habits Influence:
📖 Proactive vs. reactive living
📖 Seek to understand before being understood
📖 Curiosity over judgment
📖 Intentional over impulsive


8. Two Powerful Vision-Setting Exercises

Exercise 1: Walk Through Your Death

With courage and granular detail, imagine:
💭 How old are you when you die?
💭 What are you passing from?
💭 Who's at your bedside?
💭 What's your legacy?
💭 What will people remember about you?
💭 How did you behave and treat people?
💭 Did you have integrity and empathy?

Effect: "Virtually everything in your life becomes manageable"
🔹 See things as they are
🔹 Be present for deserving people
🔹 Stop self-sacrificing inappropriately
🔹 Take each day as gift
🔹 Stop rushing
🔹 Understand where brake pads are

Exercise 2: Build Your Future Self (Last Decade of Life)

Envision ages 80-100 with vivid detail:
🏡 Living alone or with someone?
🧘 Can you sit cross-legged and stand up unassisted?
🐕 Walking a dog? How far?
🚗 Driving yourself to grocery store?
🚶 Walking up steps?
💪 Physical capabilities?
🏠 Living situation?

Effect: Changes temperament, what you fight for, how you see people
🔹 Focus on what truly matters
🔹 Stop fighting for frivolous things
🔹 Move with purpose while intrinsically driven

Backcast to Present:
Once future is clear, reverse-engineer to today's actions
⏪ Health span vs. lifespan
⏪ Need muscle in lower legs to hold frame at 85
⏪ Longevity requires intentional daily choices


9. Practical Implementation Strategies

Start Small and Build:
🎯 Action fuels motivation (not the reverse)
🎯 Begin as small as possible
🎯 Identify one curiosity to explore
🎯 Take one step today

Radical Acceptance:
🙏 Can only control two things: body and brain
🙏 Can't control spouse, kids, circumstances
🙏 Release need to rule by power (tactical and finite)
🙏 Focus energy where you have agency

Growth Mindset as Lifestyle:
📚 Every conversation: "What can I learn?"
📚 Every book: "What can I learn?"
📚 Every show: "What am I learning?"
📚 Nervous system settles with learning orientation
📚 Sustainable and dopaminergic

Intentional Chaos:
⚡ Moral and ethical obligation to step into chaos daily
⚡ Puts you on cognitive edge
⚡ Growth happens at edge of order and chaos
⚡ Self-leadership and development
⚡ Definition of learning

Cognitive Load Management:
🧹 Strip everything not absolutely crucial
🧹 Every possession requires maintenance
🧹 Reduce wants to focus on needs
🧹 What we focus on with emotion, we move toward
🧹 Simplify to amplify


10. The Role of Community and Connection

Human Need for Connection:
🤝 Rooted in connectivity and community
🤝 Isolation is worst form of punishment
🤝 Without community, brain turns on us
🤝 Connection regulates nervous system

Eric's Transformation Tools:
🏥 Inpatient rehab (Florida)
🏥 4 months IOP (Intensive Outpatient) in Minneapolis - 3 days/week, 3 hours/session
🏥 Individual therapy on non-IOP days
🏥 Surrounded himself with psychologists
🏥 Continuous learning and reading

Philosophical Influences:
📖 Carl Jung (shadow work, inner dialogue)
📖 Friedrich Nietzsche
📖 Carl Rogers
📖 Stoic Philosophy: Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Socrates, Plato
📖 Brené Brown (vulnerability and courage)
📖 Stephen Covey (7 Habits)


11. Rebuilding Trust and Identity

The Nice Guy vs. Good Guy Distinction:
🔵 Nice guy: people-pleasing, unclear boundaries, reactive
🟢 Good guy: authentic, clear communication, proactive, shared vision

SoberLink Experience:
📱 Voluntarily used breathalyzer with concerned party monitoring
📱 Court-registered accountability
📱 Rebuild trust through consistent action
📱 Acknowledged cleverness of addiction (tracking BAC precisely)

Career Transition:
💼 Lost corporate job
💼 Sold baseball facility to Cannes Baseball Organization
💼 Moved fully into coaching entrepreneurs and high performers
💼 Integrated all learning into new mission


12. Key Philosophical Concepts

Crying as Strength:
💧 "Crying is a definable and provable sign of strength, not weakness."

Vulnerability and Courage:
💪 "Without vulnerability, there is no such thing as courage." —Brené Brown

The Observer Self:
👁️ Zoom out and become your observer
👁️ See the map, not just the road ahead
👁️ Make intentional decisions
👁️ Not shocked when road splits

Jacob's Ladder:
🪜 Set goal, hit it, set another, hit it
🪜 Human beings don't stop progressing
🪜 No end state to success
🪜 "I'll be happy when..." is illusion

Wants vs. Needs:
⚖️ Distinguish between necessary and superfluous
⚖️ Reduce cognitive load
⚖️ Focus energy on essentials
⚖️ Simplify for clarity


💡 Core Takeaways

✅ Vision is non-optional - Choose to develop good vision or suffer bad vision
✅ Look at what you don't want to look at - Shadow work is essential healing
✅ Intrinsic > Extrinsic motivation - Internal drivers create sustainable change
✅ Know yourself deeply - Personality, patterns, triggers, values
✅ Community is biological need - Isolation is dangerous; connection heals
✅ Curiosity is calling - Pay attention to what interests you; explore it
✅ Growth mindset is dopaminergic - Learning provides sustainable fulfillment
✅ Radical acceptance - Control only body and brain; release the rest
✅ Death contemplation clarifies life - Makes everything manageable
✅ Future self guides present action - Backcast from 90s to today
✅ Action fuels motivation - Start small; momentum builds
✅ Wants vs. needs - Simplify to reduce cognitive load and amplify focus


🎯 Who This Session Serves

🔹 Individuals navigating addiction or early recovery
🔹 People in long-term recovery seeking deeper transformation
🔹 High performers and entrepreneurs facing burnout or seeking meaning
🔹 Anyone rebuilding life after major setback
🔹 Family members wanting to understand recovery psychology
🔹 Healthcare professionals and coaches
🔹 Anyone curious about intrinsic motivation and sustainable change


📞 Connect with Eric Mark Fischer

Website: https://www.ericmarkfischer.com/about-eric-fischer

Services:
🎯 Peak Performance Coaching
🎯 Lifestyle Design Consulting
🎯 Executive Coaching for Entrepreneurs
🎯 Speaking Engagements
🎯 Workshops on Intrinsic Motivation


🌟 Final Reflection

Eric Mark Fischer's presentation was a masterclass in psychological depth applied to recovery. Rather than focusing solely on alcohol abstinence, he revealed the fundamental restructuring of identity, vision, and motivation required for sustainable transformation.

His message resonates far beyond addiction: any life transition, setback, or desire for meaningful change requires the courage to look inward, the wisdom to distinguish intrinsic from extrinsic drivers, and the discipline to build a vision worth living.

As Eric powerfully stated:

"When we focus on the healthy dopamine, the intrinsic drive, all other things start to fall in their proper bucket."


Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Toronto Sober Living Network - Every Friday @ 7:00 PM EST

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork
📧
[email protected]

TSLN Friday Night Zoom - November 14, 2025

TSLN Friday Night Zoom Event Summary

November 14, 2025


📋 Event Overview

The Toronto Sober Living Network hosted a powerful evening on November 14, 2025, bringing together a diverse community of individuals in recovery, family members, healthcare professionals, and allies for an evening of connection, education, and hope.

This session featured three exceptional speakers who brought complementary perspectives on addiction recovery: Sydney Graham shared evidence-based family support strategies backed by decades of research; Mike revealed the internal transformation work that builds lasting sobriety through self-worth development; and Chad Johnson offered raw authenticity about trauma, lived experience, and the power of community.

Together, they addressed the full spectrum of recovery—from supporting loved ones with compassion and science-backed approaches, to doing the deep internal work of rebuilding identity and self-worth, to embracing vulnerability and connection as pathways to sustained healing.

The 90-minute session combined professional expertise, personal storytelling, and interactive dialogue, creating a judgment-free space where attendees could learn, ask questions, and recognize they're not alone in their recovery journey.

Theme: Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Attendance: Members of the TSLN community joined from across Toronto, Canada, and internationally via Zoom, representing various stages of the recovery journey and diverse lived experiences.

Format: Three keynote presentations followed by Q&A and community discussion, emphasizing practical tools, scientific evidence, and authentic connection.


🎤 Featured Speakers & Topics

1. Sydney Graham | Families for Addiction Recovery (FAR Canada)

Professional Role: Peer Support Manager with 30+ years healthcare experience

Topics Covered:

- Addiction as an Illness - Reframing addiction from moral failing to medical condition (40-60% hereditary)

- Co-occurring Mental Illness - 50-90% of people with addiction have concurrent mental health conditions

- CRAFT (Community Reinforcement & Family Training) - Evidence-based family support approach with 65-75% success rate in engaging reluctant loved ones in treatment

- Motivational Interviewing (MI) - Communication strategies that strengthen motivation for change

- Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) - Building psychological flexibility to accept difficult emotions without substance use

- Reducing Shame & Stigma - Separating the person from the illness and eliminating harmful "tough love" and "rock bottom" myths

- Family Support Services - Free resources through FAR Canada (1-855-377-6677)

- Key Message: Families are not helpless—evidence-based strategies work, and both the loved one and family members deserve support.


2. Mike | Real Raw Recovery

Professional Role: Co-owner of Real Raw Recovery, Certified Addiction Recovery Coach with Master's in Health Education

Topics Covered:

Personal Journey - From active addiction (20+ years) to meaningful recovery through transformational therapy

Self-Worth as Root Cause - Low self-worth and self-esteem drive addictive behaviors

Triangle of Transformation - Three foundational pillars:

Responsibility: Owning your thoughts, feelings, and actions without shame

Choice: Recognizing that choices create reality and are influenced by beliefs

Power: Controlling emotions and mindset through thought awareness

Mirror Work Practice - Daily affirmations and self-dialogue to reconnect with authentic self and inner child

True Sobriety Definition - Abstinence plus living a life of happiness, pride, and integrity

Transformational Influences - Louise Hay, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Dr. Harry Henshaw

Key Message: "Rebuilding is hard, but you did the best you could with what you knew. Recovery starts from within by building self-worth."


3. Chad Johnson | Not All There Podcast & Art of Recovery Foundation

Professional Role: Host of Not All There Podcast, Certified Recovery Coach, Founder of Art of Recovery Foundation, 11+ years sober

Topics Covered:

Personal Trauma Story - Prolonged childhood physical, mental, and emotional abuse leading to 21 years of active addiction

The First Drink - Recognition that addiction journey, while painful, led to transformation and purpose

Recovery Beyond Abstinence - "You can quit drinking but still be the same asshole"—recovery requires deep personal work

Facing Trauma - Five-year "nervous breakdown" processing blocked trauma necessary for genuine healing

Radical Acceptance - Reframing experiences from "happened to me" to "happened for me"

Fear as Driver - Understanding how fear fueled addiction and learning to face rather than avoid uncomfortable emotions

Humor as Healing - Using twisted humor to process darkness without being consumed

Community Building - Sober soirees, storytelling events, and launching Chicago Sober Living Network

Daily Practice - Waking each day acknowledging diagnoses (alcoholic, addict, PTSD, bipolar) to approach life strategically

Key Message: "Recovery is hard. Recovery is possible. You're not alone. If I can laugh at what I've been through, I can survive it."


📊 Research Highlights from the Guide

- CRAFT Success Rate: 65-75% treatment entry (2-3x more effective than traditional interventions)

- Family Involvement Impact: 6% reduction in substance use, translating to 2 fewer drinking days per month

- Motivational Interviewing: 75% effectiveness in research participants

- ACT Effectiveness: 63-67% of participants show benefits compared to control groups

- Heritability of Addiction: 40-60% genetic factors

- Co-occurring Conditions: 50-90% of people with addiction also have mental illness

- Neuroplasticity: Brain structure and function improve significantly with sustained abstinence over months to years


🛠️ Practical Tools Provided

For Individuals in Recovery:

- Morning routine for sustainable sobriety

- Triangle of Transformation daily application

- Mirror work step-by-step guide

- Trigger management plan with HALT and urge surfing

- Values clarification exercises

- Recovery identity building

- For Family Members:

- CRAFT's 7 elements of positive communication

- Boundary-setting frameworks (physical, financial, emotional, time)

- Self-care strategies (oxygen mask principle)

- Managing hope and disappointment

- Realistic expectations for recovery timeline

- For Healthcare Professionals:

- Trauma-informed care principles

- Motivational Interviewing OARS skills quick reference

- Stigmatizing vs. person-first language guide

- Evidence-based practices (CRAFT, MI, ACT)


📚 Additional Resource Sections

- The Science of Recovery - Neuroplasticity, brain healing timeline, social connection research

- Harm Reduction - Meeting people where they are, medication-assisted treatment

- Special Topics - Cultural considerations, gender-specific care, adolescent support

- Comprehensive Resource Directory - National and Canadian resources, apps, online communities

- 33 Research Citations - Peer-reviewed sources from NCBI, NIDA, medical journals


📞 Speaker Contact Information

Sydney Graham - Families for Addiction Recovery:

Phone: 1-855-377-6677

Website: www.farcanada.org

Mike - Real Raw Recovery:

Instagram: @realrawrecovery

Podcast: Real Raw Recovery (Mondays)

Chad Johnson:

Not All There Podcast: https://notalltherepod.com/

Sober with Chad: https://www.soberchad.com/

Art of Recovery Foundation: https://www.artofrecoveryfoundation.org/


🌟 Core Takeaways

✅ Addiction is an illness, not a moral failing
✅ Evidence-based strategies (CRAFT, MI, ACT) work
✅ Self-worth is foundational to recovery
✅ Family involvement significantly improves outcomes
✅ Trauma must be addressed for lasting recovery
✅ Recovery is more than abstinence—it's building a life you're proud of
✅ Community connection is essential
✅ Humor and vulnerability can be healing
✅ You're not alone—recovery is possible


Building Connection. Empowering Lives. Restoring Hope.

Toronto Sober Living Network - Every Friday @ 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM EST

🔗 https://linktr.ee/soberlivingnetwork